nejifer

Beef - where/why/how did mens' sexual needs play into this discussion? Sweetiepie - to answer your original question. I was sealed in the temple in 2000 and we divorced in 2005. I felt I was trying to take it seriously, but he was cheating on me. So be it. When I remarried last year, it was to a non member and we got married fast because I was "fooling around" with him and felt super guilty about it. So I think a lot of LDS members are encouraged to get married when they are being unchaste. This leads to divorces later when the couple realizes they rushed into things. (The fooling around was about 50% of the reason why I rushed the marriage, to get away from the guilt.) I know that's not a blanket answer for everyone, but it sheds light on way too many situations.

I thought I was in love with him. I thought he was what I wanted. Then he changed after we were married. Yes, I was stupid. I'm now aware of how dumb I am and can only hope I don't do anything this stupid ever again.

ty slamjet! i like people who are blunt and to the point. :)

Morning star - I planned on staying with him for this lifetime. We had a conversation after marriage and he told me he didn't believe in life after death. Before marriage he did... A part of me also did feel sorry for him and wanted to help him out. applepansy - I honestly don't know why he married me. He made it so clear right after the marriage that I was a lousy wife. Probably for the visa and I was too stupid to realize it. I married him b/c I was lonely and he presented himself as a different person, a person who would love me. I thought he was going to be a good partner. I was obviously wrong. Elphaba - ty for your kind words. I am going through a really rough time. miran - I'm so worried he's going to make this rough. Sigh. He had his mom call me from Nigeria yesterday. Thanks for the prayers.

I (member) married a non-member from another country who is in the US to take the US medical licensing exams and eventually get into a residency program. We had met in Sept. 2010 and after hearing how much he needed residency status, and talking about our possible future together, I decided to marry him on Oct. 30. Lo and behold, as soon as we were married all sorts of inconveniences came into our lives. 1. I lost my job 2. My house got flooded; insurance wouldn't cover all the costs. I'm being taken to court. 3. I got pregnant Jan 1. Well, all of this happened between the Nov. 19 and Jan 1. Needless to say, we were under major amounts of stress. He started telling me how unhappy he was, that he had married me b/c I was stable with a good job (I was released due to no fault of my own). He started criticizing everything I did. He thought I was too fat. He thought I wasn't a good wife. I didn't cook and clean enough for him, and he REPEATEDLY mentioned that in his home country this would not be happening. After I told him I was pregnant, he begged and badgered me for an abortion for about 2 weeks. This is something we had discussed prior to being married, and I reminded him that I am very anti-abortion. He told me that he didn't think I was so serious and that my religion was too strict. He told me I was too fat to have a baby and he wasn't ready to be a father. I offered that we put the baby up for adoption. He said no to that as well. According to him, abortion would fix "the problem." Then - I got hyperemesis gravidarum which is a rare complication to pregnancy that basically makes you feel like you are experiencing the worst food poisoning of your life and the most exteme motion sickness at the same time. I was unable to hold any fluids or food and ended up in the hospital for a week because I was starving myself (not on purpose!) His response was that he didn't want to be involved in helping me b/c he warned me to get the abortion in the first place. He knew something bad might happen so he has no responsibility in helping me. So...I had to move in with my mom for a little bit so she could take care of me. I wasn't able to do anything for myself for about 2 months. I'm slowly getting better. Back to the part where I need advice. During all of this he kept saying he didn't want the baby and I was ruining his life with my decision. He said he was unhappy with everything. When I needed his help around the house with cleaning he refused because in his country the men don't do that. I finally kicked him out of my house about a month ago. Now he keeps texting me saying he wants to work it out and he's not a monster. At this point, I don't trust him. I think he's worried I'll try to get his citizenship revoked. He says he wants to be involved with my daugther (due in September 2011) but only when she is older because he doesn't know how to take care of a baby. QUESTION: I feel very strongly to move on. If we stay together, What if I get sick again? What if my daugther gets sick? Does he ignore it all because he's a man and men don't do that in his country? Any advice or opinions are welcome. Thanks!