Dernge

Ok, this will probably end up long and rambling but I think I have some insight into this. I was raised LDS but always felt it was forced on me and as soon as I was old enough not to be forced by my parents, I stopped going to church. My wife also was raised LDS and was generally active. When we started dating, I made absolutely no secret of my general lack of belief in the LDS Church. We dated for six years and have been married for 20 as of this September. Through these years, my beliefs have never changed. When my mother-in-law passed away my wife became more serious about the church and she went through the temple. I had no issues with that and praised her for following what she believed. I was slightly worried that it would change our relationship because I didn't know, and still don't, what goes on the temple, etc. At first, nothing changed. It's been three years or so now and I can say that things have changed. It's subtle, but the changes are there. Two of my kids are at the age when they don't really like going to church. At one point, my wife made a comment that I was a bad example. I have taught them to be moral, honest, hard-working, and respectful. Just because I don't go to church I'm a bad example? Which leads to the next issue. Of course at church they talk about temple marriage and how it's required for a family to stay together forever. My belief is I don't need passwords and secret handshakes to get into heaven. I also believe that families will be together, temple or not. So, when my son is telling me that I have to go to the temple or we won't be together what am I supposed to say? I simply told him I, personally, don't believe that's how it works. Naturally, my wife was unhappy with me for that response. So, I should lie about my thoughts and beliefs? I don't believe something as personal and serious as religious beliefs should be faked. I have a friend who straight up lied to his Bishop so he could renew his recommend and go to his daughter's sealing. He directly told me to my face, "just lie so you can make everybody happy." I refuse to do that. Finally, I was joking one day about a church that had a coffee bar and generally worshiped nature. I said "man, I should join that church." Again, just joking around. She says: "At least you would believe in something." So, she's dismissing all my feelings because they don't jive with the LDS Church. In contrast, I have not once made a comment about her activity, beliefs, hideous looking garments, etc. I don't know how you interact with your husband, but it is possible that his comments about drinking and your church membership are in response to subtle comments you've made. Again, I have no idea if that's the case or not, but I've seen it personally in my situation. The bottom line is I can sympathize with your husband's insecurity. I have it as well and at times I feel like my wife thinks less of me and is not happy. I don't know if this is actually true or not but it is a feeling I get. I don't know how well any of this relates to your issue, but I do know I understand your husband's feelings and I don't think it's fair for you to make him change or make him feel like he's at fault because he won't. (not saying you are doing that, just that you shouldn't) My wife knew exactly what I was when she married me and I haven't changed. She has, and I'm fine with it. I still love and accept her and I feel she should do the same. As far as the girl goes who married the non-member and then divorced when he wouldn't convert, the relief society class should have been chastising her for compromising her beliefs in the first place. If temple marriage was that important to her she shouldn't have married a non member in the first place. I'm sure the guy didn't go into the marriage telling her he was going to convert.