stupidmortalman

I would like to thank all of you for your comments. I have spoken with my Bishop and have a apointment with him soon. I am praying for the holy ghost to guide me. Thanks again for all your responses and for being very unjudgemental.

ok this is my story i was married for thirteen years. we were sealed on our one year aniversary. I only returened to the temple a few times after that. I have served in the military and in desert storm and the war in iraq. I have some very deep emotional scars from desert storm. and some things I just couldnt get over. I new there was no way i could ever go any where but hell. this was always a block for me when it came to the church. I loved my wife but was not the best husband. i loved my four children but was not the best dad. I never physically cheated on my wife. until i came home from iraq in 2005. still to this date i do not know why. I recevied oral sex from a prostitute.(I had never done this before even when i was in germany and most of my friends would do this on a montly basis.) I did not tell my wife or anyone. I was living in hell as i was so ashamed. our marriage became very rocky as there were problems between me and her family in finacial matters. I quit going to family events as i could only feel anger towards them for taking advantage of me. I was receving counsling for ptsd and was finally on some medication that was helping me with anger problems. Later i started contacting a old friend that had recently been divorced and we talked about our similar experiences. this was strikly platonic in nature. but still not aporpriate. my wife found out and acused me of having a affair. after a will I finally confided to her about the prostitute. i went to the bishop. we tried to work thinks out. she would not accept the fact that this was not the only time it had happened. she filled for divorce. that was very emotinally hard on me. she hired a atorney that is very good at making sure there is no recocilation. and slapped me with a no contact order. this turned my life upside down. i was not emotionaly stable and was suicidal. i reached back out to my friend and there was a lot of comfort in that. unfortantly we met a few times and one one ocasion. we crossed the line. there was penile penatration. but i stopped as i realized what i was doing. i went back to the bishop and repented. I was disfellowshiped. I became very active and really learned what the attonement is about. I did things alot of things to make my spouses life better. but she still wanted a divorce. she was very bitter. I did not know that by me agreeing to a piece meal divorce that we would actually be divorced with out going to court. I was stunned to find out one day that we were. I made amends to her family and have worked very hard to ensure her that i still care for her. I am now a better father as i cherish the time with my children. but she now is engaged to be married with a guy who is only been single for 3 weeks. and they are wanting a temple marriage. I am against it as i belive that we could have worked thru our problems. but at no time did she give it a chance. I have been in good standing with the church for almost a year. I feel that may be once on the other side of the veil that we could see past our mortal problems and still enjoy eternaty together. I would like any assistance or advice on this matter. as it ways heavilly onmy mind. I care for her still. thanks