kev0001000

I am a convert. My family and I were baptized when I was 11 years of age. I went to church every Sunday with my family. Eventually they stopped going. My mother would make me go. She would say, "you need to be there to represent the family". So I went, by my self, having no support at home. As I tried to do what was right, my family seemed to be taking on the ways of the world. Things got really bad at home. I couldn't balance spirituality and that which was happening within the walls of my home. Eventually I left too. It would be a few years before the missionaries would come knocking at my door. I avoided them because I didn't want to feel guilty about the new life I was living. I didn't want to feel accountable for my actions. I waited for my life to hit rock bottom. So, at the age of 16, drunk, walking around my neighborhood, I ran into the elders. They invited me back to church. I gave some kind of weak promise that I'd be there. I didn't go, but the new Young Men's President was now aware of me. He came looking for me. When he got to my door, my mother answered and informed him that I had ran away. He said "that's ok, I will find him". Led by the spirit he found me drunk and stumbling around the streets. He invited me to a fireside to which I had agreed to. I don't remember much about the fireside but I remember feeling like someone cared about me. Soon he would find out about the abuse at home. He invited me to stay with him. He was a wealthy man, and very generous. I had no interest in his money. I just wanted someone to love me. When members became aware that I was now staying with him, they started rumors, stating that I was "leeching cash off of him", "he's just there for the money", because I came from a poor family. I was trying to clean up my life and get right with the church. I confessed some transgressions to my bishop. He advised that I go back home to live with my mother, said I was putting to much strain on the family that took me in. When I refused his council, the things I told him in confidence became public. Bishops, Stake Presidents, Mission Presidents, all knew things about mes I had thought no one else knew. Other kids my age were being warned about me, told to stay away from me. I wasn't allowed to attend dances or other events. Rumors were spreading about me like wild fire, some true, most false. And I got wind that some Bishops were saying that if they ever got their hands on me they would ex communicate me in a heart beat. I felt that I had no one to turn to. The very people who were supposed to be helping me were doing the complete opposite. I left the church again. Fast forward, life hitting rock bottom, new addictions acquired, I felt that if God had put these men in charge, then their thoughts and actions resembled what he thought of me as well. I tried forcing my self to go back but I could not get over the pain and the stares from others. One night I had a dream. Jesus was on the earth again and everyone was getting a chance to talk with him. As I entered the room there was an incredible all consuming love that filled the air. It consumed my entire being. I went near Him, I could not see His face, I asked if I were in the right place, if I was doing the right thing by trying to come back. He confirmed that I was. Since then I had forgiven those who had hurt me, I realized that no matter what others choose to do with their agency, I have my own. I can let the actions of others keep me from realizing the blessings and promises of living the gospel, or I could forgive them, listen to the spirit, and do what is right. If I had not made that choice, If Heavenly Father did not reach out to me in my time of need, I would not be married in the temple, sealed to my beautiful wife and children for time and eternity today. I would not know what I know today. There is never a reason to leave, because the gospel is true, with or without me it remains so.