atpeace421

Wow! Some very powerful responses, and I thank you for that. I think I am nervous to sit him down, and say that is due to his reaction in one our counseling sessions. The counselor questioned him about the websites "mysteriously" on his phone months ago and he blew up on me. He was very defensive, and told the counselor that he was thinking of separating due to me never being able to trust him. That it was only a one time deal. He was not addicted. So, in his eyes he didn't want to work on anything. Somehow he settled down that night, but I am afraid if I bring it up now. He will leave saying "he is not a sicko, why would I accuse him of such a gross thing." I know it won't end well.......

Person, so you believe that he is lieing? Is there something that really stands out to you regarding that? I feel like he is gaslightening me on the whole thing.

Bini! Thank you for your response. It makes me feel not so alone. We were actually seeing a marriage counselor, but my husband will not go back whatsoever after the counselor wanted to talk about the nitty gritty of our marriage. The counselor is a former Bishop, by the way. Now that he doesn't want to go to the counselor. I feel at a dead end. That is scary to think he was possibly intimate with someone else. I will get checked!

It feels like I am drowning in my marriage due to my husband's possible pornography addiction. Here is some background information: Both Lds, married for 2 years, together 4 years, husband is recovering alcoholic, and we have a 11 month-old baby. My husband and I both have smartphones that allow us to search the internet. I had used his phone to search something a few months back, and previous web searches popped up that sounded alarming. They were pictures of naked women! I felt like I was going to throw up. He was asleep at this time, and so I confronted him calmly the following morning. He acted dumb/confused saying that he got an email that had a random link he accidentally clicked on trying to find out what it was. When I brought up that the sites were physically searched in google, he changed his story saying yeah I googled it to see what it was. That he would never look at porn....blah blah blah. He ended up coming clean that he did look up that site and it wasn't a big deal. We worked through it as he promised he didn't have a "problem" with it. Fast forward to now. He constantly deletes his web browser history (yes, I check), when we are intimate he seems like he is acting out things he possibly views. There is no love in the process anymore. I feel like a prostitute sometimes. I bawl my eyes out silently while all this is happening. I also found disguisting porno mags in his backpack last weekend. His excuse was he found them at the bus stop, and he didn't want a kid to find them, and I had pulled the car up before he could throw them away. I have no access to his bank account. What do I do? He is deleting and denying everything!! I fell like I'm going crazy. I wish I could see what he is deleting!!