About2GiveUp24_7

I just don't see how she could do that to our family. No I didn't work a real job but I would watch our sweet daughter all day and some nights while she worked and I gigged. She still works with the guy and I don't know if I can handle all this. She needs to show me and not just have me show her that I do love her.

I was like that for a year because I am a selfish person and I was on adderall and I thought that was helping me but it was not. I told my doctor and I'm not taking that anymore but the damage is done. I played in bands and I was gigging all the time I would watch my daughter all day then go play music. Now I cant even play the piano or guitar without having a bad taste in my mouth. My wife doesn't know what she wants I really think I messed it up for good this time. At the same time I didn't have an affair. I need to stop being so clingy I am never like that she used to be but the roles are reversed now. She says she wants to work it out and that she is trying but when she says that I dont feel like she means it. I don't feel like she is sorry and I am crushed. How do I cope? I want to give her space like she wants but then she calls me and we hang out but it of course is not the same. And of course we have a child together so we have to see each other. I want to go out as a family and build back what we had but I cant be the only one. We were so happy at one time and the longer we are apart the more we will drift. But at the same time maybe she will remember that she does love me or maybe not. I just want closure and I'm scared to loose my best friend. I just need to put my head down and work hard and not think about her but easier said than done. I'm lost and I beat myself up for not noticing earlier how sad I was making her.

Ya I'm still up and I just read that great reply. But......she is the one who wants more time, I guess I did to but I didn't say it. And by the way it's been a month already. But after I was sure her fling was over we have seen each other every day and every night I go back to my parents. Although she changes her mind hourly about wanting to see me and then more time apart. She's confused and sad she says and we fight or rather talk about our problems and then fight. Because she thought foe years I was cheating on her when I wasn't. I did but that was before we married and we broke up. Anyways we had a date this Saturday and now it's off because of my attitude I guess and my pride. I'm trying to fix alot of things and I'm overwhelmed. I love my wife best friend and if there is eternity I'll love her there again. I just get sick when I think about another man touching her. I don't want to push her or make her feel pressure I've already acted like a fool texting to much trying hard to tell and not show her. I won't give up.....I'm afraid she will. She acts like it's fine and we will make it. Maybe she doesn't care and is just going through the motions. We had such a strong bond and how I trust her again?

This is a hard thing for me to do but I'm so lost and I've just had my life crash down all around me, so bare with me. I'm 30 years old and have been with my "wife " ten years and married 3.5 I also have a beautiful daughter. I have always been trouble I seem to learn the hard way and I haven't been active in the church for 12 years. I'll only write about my new devastating situation. For a year I haven't had a real job I've been depressed and I was ignoring my wife's needs wasn't a good team mate and was just a negative person. I don't like who I am. My wife was everything to me....... Still is I think but she asked me to leave about a month ago to give me a wake up call and give me time to find a job and find myself because i was and still am lost. So I agreed and left. I thought that's what would happen and all would be well again. How stupid I was. Then my best friend in the world my wife had an affair with a coworker. I know I could have been so much better and we could have been the best family ever. I was trying to change everything about my self because the real me is a good looking charismatic man. But then not even a week of separation I found out because I felt it and asked she said yes and it has only gone on for about a week. She is not like that we have been through a ton we are or were rather best friends who overcame drugs and recovery together. We have a beautiful daughter and used to love each other more than anything. It's my fault I feel like I've failed her but how could she do that? I think she was right to kick me out to fix my life and I've made big good changes. She says she loves me and wants to try and work it out because of how much we both loved each other but I don't know what to do now. She still wants me out of our apparent and we are not together. I know she is not returning to her..... "fling" for sure and hope not either. I am a wreck now more than ever. Do I even want her back? I'm so disgusted and hurt I can't think of anything but the situation. I see her every day and we fight and talk and talk about how to fix this. And now she wants to not see each other hoping she will miss me and fall back in love with "the real me" and honestly I wanted that too. I wasn't happy with our marriage and took her for granted. But the affair is killing me I can't get over it I am worse off now than I've ever been. And she shows no emotion, she says she cried a year and is numb. But it will hit her when I'm gone. I want to save my family but how can I do that. I can't fix my life when I feel like I lost it. We had so much love for each other and Satan is winning now. I won't have that. If I do want her back how can I make her or rather help her see the man she fell in love with. I want my daughter to have us around together and happy. I want to do it right this time around. Because I haven't been perfect cheated on her right before we got married. But we are good people how did it come to this. I hate my self and her right now. But in my heart I feel like we should try but I cant stop moping around I can't eat sleep or be happy at all. How can I make her fall back in love with me. And how do I fall back in love with her .I love her but right now I'm not in love with her and obviously she feels the same but she's willing to try. In a nutshell how do I save my marriage how do I feel good about myself again. I'm trying to pull up I'm trying to seek the lord's help and feel the spirit. How can I forget forgive? Any advice would be helpful. Sorry about all the grammar errors I'm on my phone and it's like 4 in the morning. I have to give up on life or at least that's how I feel lately. She is the greatest thing on earth or was in my eyes and I know she thought the world of me. She's convinced we will make it but I feel betrayed I feel sick about her affair. But I don't want to lose her for good and be another statistic. Is the separation a good idea? I mean not seeing her for a while a going to be good? Sorry for rambling on.