I've been a member of the LDS church since birth. My parents were sealed in the temple. I was "Molly Mormon" and never really had a rebellious phase. Well, maybe I did, but it was pretty minor. I used to swear like a sailor, I tried smoking twice and hated it. And the worst thing that I ever did was sleep over at a guy's house and all we did was sleep. I got married at 19, got pregnant (in that order) and had my first baby before my first anniversary. Now I have 3 small kids. I did everything pretty much like I was "supposed" to. I never partied, stayed out all night with friends, bought a lottery ticket, drank, went skinny dipping, taken a road trip because I just felt like it, nothing. I did what I was supposed to so that my parents wouldn't be upset. I was always worrying about what other people would think if I did anything "bad." Now that I have all these responsibilities and worries, I feel like I missed out on a big part of growing up. I feel like I missed a "right of passage" and I have nothing to look back on with either regret or fond memories. While I was being so careful to not do anything that would disappoint my parents, I forgot to have a childhood or adolesence. I went straight from being a toddler to feeling like I had to be an adult. I want a chance to do some growing up and not just all of a sudden BE grown up.
Is there anyone else out there who feels this way? I am tired of doing what everyone else expects me to do. I want to live my life while I'm still young enough to live it. I'm only 25. I don't want to look back in ten years and still regret not living life to the fullest. And part of that is feeling free to make a choice that may end up turning out to be a bad one. "Is There Life out There" by Reba McIntire comes to mind. I don't want to leave the life that I have, I just know that there has to be more out there and I want to find it. I want to finally have my rebellious phase.
Anyone have any thoughts?
