I'm 17 and I'm a priest in my church. I live in a small town in Texas. I'm not very active as much as I should be and I have had a pretty tough life. But I consider myself special because of my morals and standards that I have. I have always been spiritual, but as I look back at my horrid childhood I can relate to Joseph Smith. He said that he felt as if evil was present early in his life. I believe the same about me. I believe that God has something special planned for my future, and that Satan figured that out early in my life. I remember Smith mentioning something about the devil knowing he would be a problem and tried to make his life as hard as possible. I don't believe I'm a future prophet but it has to be something special because I just feel different from everyone else. I feel like I have a closer connection to God than most others. Which makes me believe that Satan sent one of his followers to wreak havoc on my family to try to screw me up. And now as I'm getting older it seems more clear that evil spirits LOATH me terribly and want nothing more than to see me suffer in sin and misery. These days I struggle with many problems that keep me from becoming the person God expects me to become. The amount of temptations I receieve border on the edge of controlling. Sometimes I think Satan himself has a hand in this torment. They have a extremely desperate desire to drag me to hell with them. But these days as I'm growing up, I'm expected to make important decisions that effect the rest of my life. They know this. They are trying to tempt me to give up on life and live a life of sin. I believe they are trying to keep me from accomplishing what God has planned for me before I enter the real world. They have become so desperate that they actually torment me as I sleep to try and scare me into giving up on trying to be good. Nightmares such as hearing demonic growling saying "time to die" and seeing people I know as demons. I have issues with self-discipline and self-motivation, they know this. Haunting my dreams all night long to keep me from sleeping which in turn makes me unable to wake up early for seminary, church, and even school. They do it when Im trying to keep the commandments, and leave me alone when I'm in a state of sin. Very discouraging, they are very clever, but I know that I can beat them. As far as the nightmares go, its like what Joseph Smith experienced in the Sacred Grove when Satan attacked him. My body shakes, I can't move, sometimes I hear growling or. Just a feeling of pure hatred that is hard to describe. But I can fight it because I trained myself to be conscious at least to be able to think while I'm asleep and tell it to go away or beg God to deliver me from it. And at times when I'm doing the right things and obeying the commandments God sends angels to scare it off. Of course all I can see is shadows suddenly darting away after I ask for help. But when I'm sinful God is less likely to send help and I must endure it. I call the spirit a coward because it only attacks me when I'm not fully conscious or aware. I have only seen dark shadows hovering over me after I wake up, but it bothers my mom too and she woke up one night with it standing in her room. It annoys and angers me more than it scares me. It looks for every oppertunity it can to hurt me. I really wish it would leave me alone. The temptations I can deal with but I think it oversteps its bounds when it harrasses me like this. I guess I have to talk to my Bishop about it but I hate doing that. I hope one day I can get past all of this.
