NCconvert

Yeah, figured as much...i know if the bishop starts advising her what she doesn't want to hear, it'll just drive her away from church. I've never felt she has had a true testimony, rather a social connection with the other members... So, I think we are pretty much done. I do know she'll regret it in 10 years. She'll find that happiness in the short term, only to realize real life takes over after the lust phase wears off.... I really am a good guy. I do the little things a lot of other men don't. I cook, clean, show feeling, etc... I'll surprise her with flowers out of the blue, & do the little things I know she hates, like cleaning toilets. She takes it for granted as I am her only relationship. I grew up without much direction & seeked out self improvement techniques, including faith.

And please forgive some of the words...auto correct is lovely :)

Again, i think you are reading too much into that statement. I was simply using her words. Trust me when I say she had always been appreciated. Either gifts out of the blue, cards for no reason, flowers other than v day, little notes left in inconspicuous places. Also, she worked most puff the time & was very stressed & knowing it would be a struggle i told her that she could quit that day & go do what she wanted, which was to go back to school to be a nurse.

That came out wrong. I didn't demand that of her. That's what she wanted was just to be a wife and mother. I was basically saying, i took care of all the finances and stresses of bills. I have never been like get in there & cook me dinner woman. Haha, I can see where it can seem that way from the statement, but was just staying she always got to do what she wanted, albeit theater, pottery, friends, etc. I was just rephrasing what she told me. "I would be happy to be just a stay at home mom & not have to worry about bills". So obviously, i know children can be stressful, however we have been very blessed with a wonderfully behaved child. So i know a lot have it worse. So I'm sorry if that offended you.

I was baptized at 22 (1999). I met my wife just a few months later. She was 18, & lived in NC. I was from VA, found a job in NC, moved, fell in love, married in 2001. We were married civilly & had planned to go to the Temple a year later when we could do it in the DC temple. Well I was laid off, got frustrated, & gained a lot of weight. I became inactive, but my wife had remained active. We had our only son in 2002. My wife also gained quite a bit of weight as well. I got a job in 04 with the phone company, been there ever since. My wife too got a job there on 05. She worked there for 4 years, got burned out until one day she was balling how much she hated it. Knowing it would be a struggle, I told her to quit & go to nursing school. She was so excited, & was accepted. She started in 2009 & graduated in 2011. Our marriage seemed to be on track. We have a nice little home we bought in 2006, couple new cars, happy son. I took, take care of everything, bills, us, the household, etc. She had always said that she just wanted to be a good wife & mom. I always shielded her from any stress of bills & let her have fun shopping. This whole time, we both had weight issues. We would diet, gain back plus some. Well while she was in school, I made the decision for surgery. It is called Vsg, which is different from bypass. Basically 80% of your stomach is removed. I needed it. I tipped the scale at 475. I was 260 when her &i met. She was 175 when we met, & now was 300. She too, became interested in the same procedure. Great! We had to do all the prelim stuff including a psych visit, where she explained how this changes you mentally as well. She asked how or marriage was, & as I thought, great, and she said how much she loved me, & was happy. We had a five year plan to open or own home health business, etc. Yes, I'm still inactive, & she goes every Sunday. Fast forward to Jun 2011. She landed a job at an ER. Her surgery was scheduled for July, mine for August. We both have it. Kissed her before wheeled off, everything was perfect. Had mine, same deal. Well the weight poured off. Spring rolls around this year. She began to change... She was looking really good. She was down to 170, then by summer 145, size 4. I had lost 150lbs as well. Now it ALL comes out. She hasn't been happy for years. Doesn't know if she is in love anymore. Embarrassed by my weight... Started saying I was controlling... Not sure how but excuses piled on... In the meantime, I'm still losing as well. Down to 250...Yet she never compliments me. Now it had come to she isn't sure if she loved me ever, but never told me. At the same time she is getting so much new attention from men at work. She is hanging with 20 year old single nurses. Says she feels like she married too young & she is unhappy. She believes happiness is organic, & she wants a hot guy. That's what it boils down to. She admits to being selfish. On the meantime, I had started going to church again as it was nice to find clothes that fit nicely. She goes every other week due to her work. She works with people who joke sexually everyday. They have gag gifts to each other. She got a box of condoms and ky jelly. I asked her about it, & she said it was just a joke. She doesn't want to talk to the bishop because she doesn't like him. I asked her what she wants & she doesn't know but to be happy. And she's not happy with me because we've been together for a dozen years. If I try to bring up church, she tells me not to preach to her when i was inactive for so long. Honestly I'm at a loss. Our family doc thinks either she is having an affair or she has her eye on someone. I've tried for the last 6mos, but she refuses to even try. She doesn't want to even talk about it, & admits no wrongdoing. The latest argument was a company dinner where she lied & said it was employees only. When confronted, she said, I didn't want you there because my friends might not say jokes where you may be offended... I asked, did you really just hear what you said? So I finally said, I can't try anymore & you have to move on. She agreed, signed a separation agreement giving me custody of our son, & agreed to $500/mo child support. She left that night, but was back in five min saying she couldn't do it. I said I can't either, & we either fix this or she go. She agreed. That was Thursday, but had yet to want to talk, & had done nothing. So I'm back on the couch tonight & told her she is out after Christmas. She didn't say a word... I love her, & want to get her to see that happiness isn't something you gain from others but from yourself. But she is so selfish, self centered, etc. For example, her first Christmas gift was to herself. Her others, for coworkers. She has yet to buy a single thing for our son or any family. But I can't tell her, she'll just start screaming... I'm at a loss....