rkhutchinson

What you say rings true to me even if it is not the company reply.

Thank you for your thoughtful input. I agree with much of what you said. Here's the thing about hovering- I can do it for the next few weeks, months, even year. I think most of the women in the branch will be clucking around like crazy mother hens- for awhile. Then, as some time passes w/o incident people will relax and not be as vigilant. This is a charming man, who I am sure will win back trust of the people around him - just like he did after he molested his daughters. He even convinced one of his daughters that he had truly repented and changed. She believed him until he molested her daughter.

Okay- so now it is time to think about preparing for the Sabbath. To tidy up the house, think about tomorrow's meal, lay out church clothes and shoes... and I don't feel good about going to church. I am filled with dread and anxiety. Arguments about every sinner's right for atonement aside- what should I do? How do I make this situation right in my heart and safe for my children? I sincerely appreciate everyone's, even Dravin's :) , discussion of this issue. I am the only member on my side of the family. Most of their advice was to find another church, preferably baptist. It is nice that there is a larger family of brothers and sisters in Christ to turn to.

I guess what I meant to say, is that you come across somewhat adversarial- like this is a debate that you are trying to win. It seems you would rather argue than acknowledge someone's concerns or feelings. My guess is that you are a nice person who probably doesn't mean to offend people and I'm sorry I offended you. Of coarse, you are entitled to your opinion- but, based on your comments, I don't think you understand the level of fear and anxiety this is causing the parents in my branch.

Yeah, I knew that wouldn't take long- and of coarse you are right:) However, no matter what background you come from it can't hurt to put yourself in someone else's shoes and show a little empathy.

First, I was comparing membership in the Church to other positions of trust, using teachers as an example of a position of trust. I suppose I could have used other examples like police officer, doctor, emt... The point was seeing a man in Church every Sunday, passing the sacrament, praying... induces an innocent child to trust them. Second, young children don't know who they can and can't trust. They trust everyone. A parent can warn and warn, their innocence makes them vulnerable. Finally, an assault occuring in the bathroom isn't a parents only concern- it is merely an apparent example of one of many places a child might be out of the sight of responsible adults. I'm sure you don't mean to but you come across as patronizing and slightly antagonistic. Also, somewhat clueless to how a mother might feel. Maybe it takes being a parent in my present situation to completely understand the complexity of this problem. Please consider this constructive criticism.

I am not suggesting that pedophiles are beyond the power of the atonement. I am sure that some even change their behavior and don't hurt anymore children. However, doesn't being a member of the church put pedophiles in a position of trust? Would you argue that a reformed pedophile should be a teacher, a camp counselor? How does an 8-year-old discern who they can and can't trust at church? Or, a child who sees Brother--- every Sunday is approached by him at the park, library, pool... That child is going to assume that Brother---- is trustworthy. In this particular case, Church leadership believed this man when he repented of abusing his daughters. He was called to EQP. Then he assualted his 7-year-old grandaughter. For a time he was our home teacher, he was invited into our home- my children trusted him.

I appreciate your calm perspective- something I don't seem to have concerning this issue. I think I would say the same thing to a sister facing this issue in a different ward. However, when you preceive a threat to your own children reason is quickly overwhelmed with fear.

I know this is the way it is but is this the way it SHOULD be? Isn't the church supposed to be a sanctuary? As it stands in my branch, when I'm there 100% of my attention will be focused on making sure my children aren't in a position to be sexually assaulted. I can never relax or feel peace. How could I sit and enjoy a RS meeting or Sunday School w/o the thought- did one of my children go to the bathroom unattended... are they being assualted while I'm sitting here?

Why is this right? Why is the burden placed on the innocent and not the offender?

So- why aren't child rapist disfellowshipped? Or at least banned from the building- they could have home teachers and sacrament at home. Why is it more acceptable for an entire ward to have to constantly be on guard and children to be endangered than to have the offender forced to make accommodations? This is a sincere question and I am not making judgment. I am just looking for a little more insight to help me resolve the issue for myself.

I would love to allow myself the peace of mind in agreeing with you- he only attacks, rapes, molests children in his own family- my kids are safe and life can go on as usual. However, this doesn't ring true in my heart and if it isn't true how can I expose my kids to this threat.

I am not worried about him having a calling, hopefully a conviction will prevent that. I am worried that church leadership will not take enough precaution (if it is even possible) to prevent him from abusing another child in our branch. That fear is largely predicated on the fact that a man who was known to have sexually abused his daughters was given a clean slate and callings. One of his daughters was a member of our branch and a friend of mine. We have a small, close knit branch. All the kids feel at home in the meetinghouse and spend alot of time there playing basketball, riding bikes in the parking lot... they aren't always in eyesight every minute.

Bini- until recently my state had several laws prohibiting a child sex offender from being in places where children congregate. However, in 2009 a paroled CSO was arrested for attending a church with children's programs/nursery. The ACLU stepped in. His case was fought all the way to the state supreme court which ruled these laws were overbroad and unconstitutional. In my state it is the legal right of a CSO to attend church despite the presence of children and there are few restrictions on where a predator may go. Thank you ACLU.

I am new to this forum so I don't know if mean spirited remarks are standard. It is a shame to be subjected to pointless bickering that ignores the bigger issue. - Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you. - Ephesians 4:31,32 To everyone who have offered thoughtful opinions- thank you. I can't tell you the level of stress this has caused me and my husband. As Sunday approaches, I fight not to cry. I know this is the true church, there is nowhere I would rather be. I know the atonement applies to eveyone for every sin. I know it is my duty to forgive everyone. I also, know that Heavenly Father charged me with protecting two sweet spirits when He entrusted me with my children.