JTKarp

The Ego is the source of all suffering. And the Ego is not your real-self; not your true essence - though unless one is aware (most are not), one can easily be lured by the temptations of the ego. The fears, stresses and anxieties you describe are all egoic responses arising from your situation. And your regret comes from giving in to the Egoic compulsion that was working within you. What happened came out of your unconscious self (ego) ... not from your real self. Otherwise, you would not be suffering as you are. But know this ... the Real Self (separate from ego) can never be damaged, because it only does and connects with good. If the love between you and your husband is real (as it sounds to be), let this experience serve to enlighten you regarding the ways of the ego, and get back to loving each other as wiser, and closer mates. ps....the ego will try and keep you in a state of suffering. Do NOT resist it...neither give in to it .... just observe it without judgement or reaction ... just observe patiently without resistance. It will fade on its own.