WaterJim

Wow Strong Man you know your stuff. Yes she does need a wake up call but I hope it does not come from Jail time. She does need to be humbled, I have just been praying she humbles herself. I am not sure how the facebook stuff would be retrieved, both parties deleted everything and her account is closed on Bishops advice. All I have is from the boys Dad which had him give a written account. The night she told me everything, she did put me down physically as well as putting me down sexually. She let me know that I have started getting a belly and she is not attracted to me. Of course I gave up soda right away and have gone on a strict but healthy diet, fruit,veg, protiens, cutting out fats and most carbs. I have seen results pretty quickly, of course she does not mention it but it has made me feel a little better. I have started the next step and joined a gym, doing that a couple nights a week and doing crunches, push ups every night.

Thanks Strong Man, I am sure you are right about the confidence thing. I lost my confidence and I know that is something Women Love and I have most likely making her like me even less by tring to please her. Not sure how to get my confidence back, hard to see my self as a catch right now? I met with the councilor last night for the first time and yes it did feel good to get to talk about it with someone but ya I am not the one who made the mistakes or needs the fixing. I do hope my wife will get good guidance from it but up to this point there is no change. I for sure want a wife that only wants me and is willing to share everything, without hiding things. I just have to hope she realizes how wrong and hurtful she has been and will want to go forward, by following the comandments. I want to feel Loved again. I dont know about a felony by just sending talk of sex with each other on facebook, in Texas. I guess the Bishop and LDS family services person does not think so.

The police are not involved because the Mother caught the communication and stopped it before anything physical happened, so I am thankful that the mother followed the Holy Ghost. Ya another hard part is that they are in the ward so we all see each other every week. That means they see each other and I have to watch and wonder. She has agreed to not talk to him but I hope she is telling the truth because she has not been telling me the truth for a while. Bishop cancelled the court and thinks that she can work things out by meeting with him and the councilor so I will trust his judgment. He is and has been a good Bishop. That is all correct from what I have seen. Yes I will be meeting with a councilor next week for the first time so I hope that will help me.

Thanks for the advice everyone and comments. I am tring to be strong still, patient, understanding, of course my mind constantly dwells on the issues but I have hope that it will get better. She is about the same toward me, that is not wanting to be near me but at least she communicates with me. She has been to the councilor twice and she does like her so that gives me a little hope, I will get to meet with her next week. I just hope we can make it through this trial, I too never thought of divorce as an option but if she decides she really does not Love me and does not think she ever will, what else will she want to do? Ya just a few weeks ago we would be calling each other and always telling each other we love each other before we get off the phone. I would race home to see her and help with the boys, we were talking and planning to have another baby. I never saw this coming, I really hope it is just a low point in the marriage and that we can rise again.

Thanks so much for all of your advice and Words of Wisdom. It is nice to be able to talk to someone about all this. Ya the free agency is hard to deal with sometimes, I cant control her and dont want to. I thought I had a marriage that could withstand anything so I never saw this coming. She does not really even comment on celebrity guys and I dont see her checking out other men, I had so much trust in her. Yes Anatess I really like this advice,"My only advice is to try to see this as your marriage versus her psychological problem, not you versus her." I will continue to focus on her and us and I hope she will take good council from others. I just hope and pray she wants to make things right, so far she has just distanced herself. I have unconditional Love for her and will do what ever I need to do to help her, and to keep our covenants. If she wants to end things it will be her choice, I will stand by her till then. I also want to be able to tell the Lord when I face him that I did all I knew how to do. Never thought I would need counselling but I know I do now.

Relationship Issues Let me start by telling you I Love my wife and will do whatever it takes to save our marriage. We have been married 7 years, and I am 32 and she is 30. We have two beautiful boys that I adore and have been so blessed to have in my life. My wife is a convert of a little over 8 years but she was not converted because anything I did, I just happened to be in the ward and reap the benefit of her getting Baptized. It was such a blessing to have her come in my life. She was dating an inactive guy when she joined and they did break the law of Chastity after she was Baptized. They broke it off and I stepped in and we Dated just a few months before I purposed. I waited for her as she worked through her repentance process, but we did get married in the Temple after she got through it. I would not say our marriage has been perfect but I think it has still been wonderful in many ways. Our sex life has not always been the greatest and I would try to do things to improve it like talk to her about what she wants. I would read marriage books and ask if she would do the same which she would refuse. She did not have too many answers as to why she was not into it. Mainly she would say she is just not into sex and that she has been doing it since she was 15 and that she does not care for it and could go without it. She would still do it for me maybe once a week which I feel she just did as a wife duty or something. Other things have not always been perfect at the home but I never expected them to be and knew we would both get better. The home is always a mess and I may get one meal made for me a week, despite her being a stay at home Mom. She wakes up when the boys do which is around 9AM everyday and she has them take a two hour nap everyday, which she also takes. I have asked for improvements at the house without trying to be mean but she gets angry at me for mentioning it. I try to do my part, of course doing all the outside work and trash, I cook every Sunday and sometimes more and pick up dinners the rest of the nights, and I do help around the house when she gets far behind. I am EQPres and she works with young woman right now. It has been kind of a joke that one of the young men like her and his Dad joked about it and so did I. Well the past couple months my wife has been bringing him up and wanted to go to his baseball games which I said is not really appropriate especially since he likes you, but I went along with it. Well it has continued and she wanted to take him to an amusement park which I again said would not be appropriate but again went along with, I had told her she should invite one of her young woman if she was to invite anyone but she would not have it. I was trying to listen to the promptings of the Holy Ghost but she would not listen to me. Well next she wanted to have a party at the home and invite families from the ward. Again I was not ok with him coming over but it would be her way. Well that night at midnight we got a call from the boys Mom , my wife was already up and on facebook. I was also up because I was upset the way she had treated me at the party so I was still awake. The 17 year old priests Mom had found the correspondence between them both and it was sexual conversations, along with her just telling him that after today I see a future together. I have come to find out later from his Dad what exactly some of the conversations were. She planned on leaving me while he went on a mission. They would talk about positions and many of the things they would like to do together. Many hurtful things that I never expected, the list is long and I don’t need to repeat it all. Well that night after she got off the phone with his Mom who was understandably very upset, she talked to me. She let me know many things I had not known and it was crushing to me. First about the conversations on facebook, well a watered down version compared to what I got from his Dad. Another maybe more hurtful thing to me was that she Loved me as a friend, but not sexually and never has. She tried to blame me that I would not talk to her or listen, but it was the complete opposite, I would always be the one trying to figure out our sexual problems. I was blown away, why would you want to have kids with me if you don’t love me and we were planning to try again this winter? She also degraded me by telling me she was not attracted to me physically. She let me know that she did enjoy sex with the guy before me so she knew that she could enjoy it. Another thing I found out that night was that she was fondled by a close relative when she was younger. She dropped a lot of bombs on me that night. I cry, pray, read, workout, try to be more helpful around the house, and do all that I can to try to help the situation and help myself. She has met with the Bishop once and I met with him briefly later on. She also just met for the first time a couple days ago with an LDS Family services counselor. She has done the opposite of what I have been trying, she has been cold and mean to me. No longer can I hold her hand or put my arm around her. I have tried the past two Sundays to put my arm around her and she cringes and squirms away. I have tried to tell her that we can fix our sexual problems and whatever else, but she does not want to her it. As I have tried to be nicer, she has said that she wants space, when I try to talk she shuts it down. I just cant understand if I would be the one to have done these things to her I would do anything she asks of me. It has just been such a switch, less than two months ago we went out of town alone for our 7th anniversary. We held hands, made love, talked, shopped and did everything I thought we both Loved. Now she has just flipped the switch and wants nothing to do with me. I just thought being married in the temple and waiting till we were married would have its rewards and up till now I thought I have been blessed with so much. Any help or ideas you can think of to help me, I would really appreciate it. I have only talked to the Bishop briefly and no one else, I know it would crush my family and I would not want everyone to think less of her. She has talked to her non member Sister and friend but only told them that we are having problems. Of course she has not told them about her verbal and mental infidelity. Please Help