guenzo

Thank you everyone for your comments. I appreciate them. You've given me lots to think about. @ Finrock - You captured my feelings exactly. Thank you!

I started really noticing our differences about three to four years into our marriage. Suffice it to say I take my covenants seriously. I would never just give up on my marriage. I also knew that I had to wait until my wife also noticed that our personalities are substantially different before we could work on this. I tried to talk to her about it in the intervening years, but it hasn't sunk in until recently. I wish I could say that I could just let it go and move on, but there is a void in my life. To me meaningful conversation is an important part of marital intimacy that cannot be substituted with any other person. Please don't say that because it is not important to you that it isn't important. We all find importance in different things. It doesn't make those things less important, just different. To look at it another way, what is the most precious thing about the relationship you have with your spouse that you would not want to find fulfillment in with anyone else?

Hi everyone. I'm new to this board. My wife and I have been married for 13 years and have four children. We are both in our 30's. I'd love to get some insight from others about the issue my wife and I are dealing with, which is intellectual compatibility. My wife has a simple, wonderful personality and is comfortable with the basic knowledge she has about the world, the gospel, etc. I have a very inquisitive mind and am always seeking additional knowledge about diverse subjects like Church history and doctrine, science and technology, etc. During our courtship and early marriage I didn't even think about intellectual compatibility as an important factor in marriage since we were both so compatible in other areas (dedication to the gospel, family). As the years have passed this difference between us has become more and more glaring. We have a difficult time understanding how each other thinks, reasons, and makes decisions. As a result, contention has increased to the point that it is hindering our marriage and family. I long to have deep and meaningful conversations with my wife but her limited knowledge makes it difficult for us to have two-way conversations where we can both contribute. I realize that the problem is my own, but I'm having a hard time letting go of the desire to have an intellectual connection with her. We are currently seeing a marriage counselor, meeting with the bishop, reading books and articles, praying, temple attendance, etc. Our marriage is slowly improving by focusing on what we do have in common instead of our differences, but I can't shake the feeling that this is one area that we will never come together on. The depressing part for me is that most people I encounter belittle my desire as if I'm being selfish. Is it? For me, having a strong intellectual connection with my spouse is important. For others it may not be, but for me it is important. How important is intellectual compatibility in marriage? Any thoughts?