Hi everyone I just signed up because I need some help with I struggle I have. For the past 3 years I have struggled with the sin of masturbation. In those 3 years it has become a strong addiction. An addiction I have hated ever since I started.
The story of these past 3 years of my life have been complicated and difficult not only because of this addiction I am dealing with, but also because of other extreme trials my family and I have experienced.
I want to start off by telling you what I know and have learned from these experiences. I know that masturbation is bad and can be a serious sin (which it is in my case). I know that Heavenly father still loves me even though I sin. I know that I can repent and move on in my life. I know that trials make us stronger and the atonement can strengthen my testimony greatly. I know that this church is true and it always will be the one and only true source of joy and happiness in this life. I also know that my bishop can help me greatly deal with this addiction.
With that said I would like to tell you the reason I am writing this thread. I cannot find it in me to speak with my bishop and seek guidance. For some reason I am deathly afraid to speak with him. I am afraid of what he will think, what others may think, and what my consequences are. I know I shouldn't care what others think, but for some reason I do.
I have always been a very shy person and in no other time in my life have I had the need to speak with the bishop. I have always been the "good kid". I feel extremely guilty and ashamed that I have waited this long to finally try and see the bishop. Another reason I am completely filled with shame is because of all the things I have done to keep this sin a secret. I have taken and blessed the sacrament unworthily, and I have lied to many people including my family. Sometimes I can't believe that I have done these horrible things.
I know I am a good person and that I will do the right thing in the end. But I am in many ways afraid of not knowing who I am really and what I will become as I grow older. I am 17 and am facing big decisions in my life. I don't what fear to dictate everything I do. I what to do what feels right in my heart.
Writing this has really helped me see who I am and has helped me gain a little courage going into this meeting with my bishop. It is silly now reading what I just wrote because it just gives me more encouragement to see the bishop and to not be worried. Another thing
I know about myself is I know I can be really hard on myself and over think a lot of things. In this case I think that is a real weakness of mine that satan manipulates in order to get me to not speak to my bishop for 3 years.
Sorry for saying all of this at once. I know this is probably pretty overwhelming to read. I just needed to purge this stuff out because I haven't ever before.
Now what I want to ask you guys is what can I do to feel more courageous and in general better about talking to my bishop? What talks our Scriptures do you guys know of that can help me in my situation?
Sincerely,
LDS123
