I have been dealing with pornography addiction for quite awhile. I am tempted hourly. Through all of my efforts to stay clean and pure, the relapse always occurs. My mind cannot recollect the amount of times I have been to the bishop's office, or even my therapist's office about this and many other problems. How in the world do I truly, truly, truly forsake my sins?? I feel godly sorrow. I know what it is. I could write a book over the emotions. I am "beneath the dust of the earth", wanting to know how I can promise God that I will forsake them if I have learned from past relapses that I will not follow through with my covenants? I am endowed, by the way. I want to wage war against this plague. There is nothing more that I desire than to shed this grotesque depiction of women from my life. It has taken its toll. This disease has exhausted me to the lowest I have ever been. I emphasize from my above point that I exert so much of my energy to combat this evil. Also, Why does LDS literature make sexual temptation seem so black and white? The implications I grasp are that you are either a sinner or an angelic mortal - there is no other association. It feels like nothing else is taken into consideration. In my situation, I have been bullied throughout my life because of my appearance. Almost ten years later, I have threatened to kill myself, absolutely no friends (we moved to Utah after my mission), and I have spent nearly seven months in my basement to isolate myself. I cannot even go to Church because of my mentality. If my family even suggests that I walk the dog, I have a panic attack. Does Heavenly Father and Christ take this into account? Is the law black and white; "letter of the law"? This last question that is the main reason to why I am here: If I am truly penitent and can forsake my sins, including sexual transgression, can I inherit the highest degree of glory and become like my Father in Heaven one day?
