I just went through the roughest time (emotionally and spiritually) of my life these past 10 months. I was placed on informal probation for 4 months that then turned into formal probation via a disciplinary council by my bishopric. I went through a lot of changes to get to where I am today. About 6 or 7 weeks ago I received a strong witness that I had received forgiveness. It took another 6-7 weeks to finally reconvene the council and lift my restrictions (which happened a few days ago). I immediately obtained my temple recommend and plan my first visit this Saturday. However, I don't feel like I was expecting to feel. I was thinking the whole time that when it ended there would be great shouts of joy and jumping up and down. I didn't feel anything like that. I know I have obtained the forgiveness needed, but I kind of feel weird about attending the temple or functioning again in the ward. I realize I will probably never serve in any leadership capacity again....good thing I like Primary. I have accepted that, but for some reason I am struggling with getting back into what I used to do (I have alway been VERY active in church). In fact I started tearing up when I put my consecrated oil vial back on my keychain on Wednesday morning. It just seems so unreal. All the Bishop said was "we have determined to lift all restrictions". That was it. I thought I would be relieved, but I didn't feel what I was expecting to feel. Has anyone else had a tough time moving back into "active duty" after having been away for some time even when they know they have done everything to repent?
