Generic1

Str8shooter shooter his addiction is video games. Not sure if that makes him do horrible things, but he does get pretty grumpy if I say anything about the time he spends playing. Also when I say I know everything will work out. I am not saying I plan to sit back and let God take over. I am saying that if I do all I can and I follow through with the answers I have received, he will help me with the things I can't do myself. I have been divorced before. There were times I was broke and couldn't buy groceries... Then I would find a twenty dollar bill in my purse and had no idea where it came from. There are little things that happen and help us when we are doing everything we can do to help ourselves. I do need to grow a spine and I will have to be strong... That goes without saying. But, with the lord to back me I can do hard things.

Str8shooter, thank you for quoting that scripture. I'm sure I have read it before, but as I read it tonight it had more meaning than ever and brought peace to my heart about the way I have been feeling. Anatess, I just wanted to let you know that by starting over, I don't mean another relationship. I meant finding a new place and reestablishing myself. It's not always easy on a single income to find a decent place to live. I am assuming our home will end up being sold. So I will be looking for a new place, to start building a home. Again I appreciate everyone's thoughts. It seems my husband hasn't won any brownie points with anyone. Would probably not help if I said I also struggle with his addiction. Might seem crazy but he is addicted to gaming. He spends hours playing games. After the gun incident with my daughter, he spent the next year sitting around the house, doing stuff here and there but mostly gaming. He collected unemployment for as long as he could. Anytime I would ask him about getting serious with job hunting he would tell me it was my daughters fault he was unemployed. Thank goodness I have a decent job! He still plays games for hours everyday. He is now self employed and works only as much as he wants to. Makes it easy for him to find time to play. I have basically been the main bread winner for most of our marriage. He makes money, but it's unpredictable and sometimes he doesn't put a lot of effort into it. Well, I really feel that I'm at a crossroad, it's very important at this moment in time, that I choose the right road to go down. I know where I'm at and what I'm thinking but I'm getting a little nervous about bringing it up. He will be returning tomorrow night, and I'm not exactly sure how to approach him. I feel like I need to make sure I handle everything the right way, I'm sure he will be upset with anything other than a happy greating when he gets home. Wish me luck, and spiritual guidance to say and do what is best. I do have faith that everything will work out. Heavenly Father has always blessed me in so many ways. Things might be hard for a while, but it will get better!

I appreciate the comments even the ones that seem upset with me for the choices I have made. Believe me when I say I'm upset with myself as well. Not, in defense of him, but maybe a little for myself. At the time of the gun incident with my daughter he was working in security and told me he was in the process of removing his gun from his belt (so he could put it away in our bedroom) when he saw her and started the "conversation". So according to him he didn't make it a point to go get a gun to scare her, but it was already in hand when he turned to talk to her. He made it all seem situational. Thru the years there have been times that he is really good and we have all had a great time together, but the man with a temper is always lurking in the shadows. Sometimes small things set him off. I think I struggle with feeling like I committed to this person eternally and I took that commitment seriously, however I keep coming to situations where I am questioning that choice more all the time. I have tried to make things work because I don't want to be a quitter and I don't want to go thru another divorce. However the last few weeks have I have totally been leaning towards calling it. I have talked to a lawyer, but I have to admit that I am really scared to tell him how I feel. I am worried that the whole process will get ugly and he will try to do what he can to hurt me financially. Unfortunately the lawyer told me there is a chance he may even have a possibility of getting alimony from me. I don't think he will hurt me but I do know it won't be a pretty situation. The thought of starting over is not very appealing to me, however I have decided that is exactly what I need to do. My daughter needs me.

I guess I have a basic idea of where I am with this situation, but thought I would ask opinion to hopefully validate how if feel. This is a long story, I will be amazed if anyone hangs in there until the end.... Here it goes. Last week my husband asked me to choose him or my daughter. Because in the heat of an argument (or lecture) I didn't want to give an answer I might regret later, I told him I would not abandon my daughter, but did not tell him I was done with our marriage. My husband and I were married six years ago, at that time my daughter had just turned 13. Before we got married him and my daughter would hang out, she thought the world of him and was so excited when he proposed. As soon as we were married his relationship with her changed. He went from being the fun guy, to the boss of the house and was constantly letting her know that she wasn't doing things good enough for him, he hated every friend that came over and would say mean and derogatory things about them. Obviously this made the adjustment into a step family very difficult for her and for myself. I felt that I often had to stand up for her because he was so judgemental. Of course I thought it was an adjustment phase and it would get better. Fast forward a year and things weren't much better. She had started to rebel a bit and I chalked it up to her being a teen rather than her struggles with him. When we got married my daughter had a little dog that had been her buddy for several years. My husband didn't like him much. One day my husband came home from his security job, apparently noticed the dog had lifted his leg and peed on his chair. Obviously he was upset, he headed up the stairs looking for my daughter. What happened I am not sure because his story and hers differ a little. He apparently was taking off his gun as he stepped into the door of her bedroom. With gun in hand he started to unleash on her about the dog. One thing they both agree on is that was waving the gun around and he threatened to shoot her F'n dog. Of course he used the real swear words. She says he pointed the gun at her, he says he was pointing down and motioning towards the dog that was downstairs. Anyways, her and her friend who was in the bathroom when this transpired, left the house. She called her biological dad and told him what had happened. He told her to call the cops. When I arrived home from work, the girls had returned and where in the bathroom I think fixing their hair. I thought nothing was out of the ordinary, then the police show up at our door and things sort of fell apart. By the end of all the reports and questioning my daughter left with her friends parents because the police said she shouldn't be in the same house until things settled down. I agreed to let her go. The judge ended up issuing a no contact between the two of them. This put me in a bad position. My husband wanted me to believe that she had it in for him and that she had lied to get him in trouble. If I could go back I probably would have chosen differently, but I stood by him and tried to play the middle hoping that I could put things back together and bring her back home. While we were working on things a friend of mine said she would let my daughter come stay with her. Things went from bad to worse, my daughter started hanging with my friends older daughter, started drinking and even started smoking pot. We ended up getting her into a private school where there was also some crisis intervention. My husband said she could never come home unless she dropped the charges against him. The day before it went to trial, she said she would. With the charges dropped and the no contact removed she was able to come back home. But it wasn't a happy place for any of us. He had no problem showing her that he despised her. He blamed her for his unemployment because he lost his job when they found out about the incident. He held over her head all the money he had spent on lawyers and he constantly let me know that she was a liar and that he knew she was out to get him. I was constantly standing between the two trying to smooth things in the middle. Going to the private school and getting some counseling seemed to have helped her. She pulled herself together, graduated a year early and became a CNA. I have still spent the last 4 years trying to keep the peace between them. She honestly tries, I see her doing good things, but it's never quite good enough, he hasn't been able to forgive her, and honestly she hasn't been able to forgive him. Our home has been tense to say the least. The only way we have made it this long is that my daughter for periods of time has chosen to stay with friends when things get too tense. Our home has never been a safe place for my daughter, but its the best she has. About a year ago she was arrested for underage drinking and of course my husband had to just rub that in, it shows what a terrible disappointment she has become, and should prove to me that she is the bad one. Well a month later he got arrested for brandishing a weapon in an argument he was having with a neighbor. He has a bad temper, hasn't ever gotten physical but he is very verbal and sometimes a little scary. That was about a year ago, things have still been tense at times for the most part they try to ignore each other, she hides in her bedroom and he plays video games for hours at time, and I'm still stuck in the middle, trying to keep things smooth. I'm a true peace maker at heart and I'll do almost anything to keep the peace. My daughter recently turned 19, she is working and trying to save up money to go to college. She isn't perfect and still makes bad choices with her friends sometimes, emotionally I don't think she is ready to be completely on her own. Last week the two of them got into a huge argument when she found out he had been on her phone looking through all her messages. She stood up to him the first time ever, I was still afraid until he lunged at her and was right in her face. At that moment I felt like she was in danger so I stepped in and told him to back off. We were in the driveway and I think when my husband realized the neighbors could hear him he said we should take it inside. One of the things she said to him was really hard for me to hear. She said that from the time he married me she felt like she had lost her mom and that she never had a home. I realized at that moment that she honestly had lost me, and I had abandoned her. She had been struggling by herself to find a place she fit in, and hadn't found it yet. Once in the house he asked me to come to our room with him. He lectured me for over an hour about not standing by him, as his wife I should always stand with him. I told him I was scared he was going to hurt her and I wasn't going to let that happen. So I stepped in. He told me that in the eternal perspective she doesn't matter. It's all about him and I. And he told me I needed to choose who's side I would be on. Will I stand with him and our eternal marriage or will I stand with her. I told him I couldn't abandon my daughter. Realizing he might lose me he backed down but I feel like the ultimatum is still there. He had to leave town for a week and will be back in a couple of days. This has given me a lot of time to think and some wonderful time with my daughter, who I feel still needs a place to call home, and needs a mom who will be there for her. After that long story, my question is where do you think I should go from here? I did marry this man in the temple, however she is my daughter and I feel like she needs me to be there for her now. She is still struggling with drinking and the choices she is making. I see her basically screaming for help. Do I stick with my marriage and abandon her again, or do I let my marriage go, and help lift her up and hopefully save her before it's too late? Again, I know that no one can make a choice for me, and I already know what I lean towards. Just thought I would like some confirmation. Thanks for your thoughts!