danielchoice

I don't trust the family court system because I know how it works. I don't trust her religion because I came to read what advice her religion gives and I found that you are pro-divorce. I trust her enough to be in a committed relationship with her. And none of you even bothered to answer my questions. I've been through the blame shifting to the man routine before, years ago, when I went through my divorce. Standard on every forum. Can I get married to her without a state contract if I were to join the LDS religion? I will present this stuff to her and she can make her own decisions.

I went to professional counseling for two years while I was getting divorced. It was useless as I burned through six therapists, all of them like the man above. Who simply wanted to blame me. The only thing counseling was helpful for was to discuss the incredible pain of having my child ripped from me and then, again, dealing with the pain of fighting for two years to get joint custody only to find out that none of my orders are enforced. And going to counseling is not going to change the broken family law system. No amount of personal counseling is going to change it. How many times are people going to recommend going to counseling to me? To do what? Convince me to risk going through that level of hell, again? Why do you think a counselor is going to be able to achieve this? You are all simply blame shifting and I've had enough of that for one life. I know that not all of you give the advice to divorce right away. Honestly it appears to me that the women on this forum are quite often giving really good advice. But no one is calling the men, some of whom are claiming to have served as bishops in your church, to account for recommending divorce in every post. It's sickening. Is this what her bishop is going to say to her if we have marital problems? Because this is what I have gathered from your forum.

Typical advice. Just make up lies about the abuse. It's like people must accept abuse as the answer for women's infidelity. You are failing women by failing to hold them accountable. There is a reason that all of the family friends remained my friend after my divorce, and are still my friends today. Including women that were my ex-wife's friends who contacted me during the divorce because she would talk about lying about me with them. But you are very typical here. Frankly I find your insistence on blaming male abuse for women's actions despicable. I'll be honest with her, and show her the posts I've saved from here. And I'll show her this thread. And allow her to make her own decisions. I don't control her.

Hello LDS members, I am a 35 year old man, once divorced due to an adulterous wife (who claims abuse, completely made up after I discovered her infidelity, to absolve herself of guilt). Out of the nine friends I have who have gotten married five of them are now divorced, due to infidelity on the woman's part on every single occasion. Some of them were worse husbands than others but it has been infidelity, strangely enough always with the woman's boss at work, that has precipitated the divorce. Every single one of these women have then claimed abuse. I don't have any friends who are abusive. I would not be friends with such people. The women all claim "secret abuse", though. This just doesn't match up with what I have seen. I also don't have any friends who have cheated on their own wives because such men would not be long for my friend group. I am very fearful of marriage now. The incredibly poor ways I've been treated in family courts have created a massive fear of divorce and infidelity inside of me. Along with my real experiences of seeing women cheating and then rationalizing it as not their fault due to "secret abuse". It's not something I can get over as these courts are not getting better and, quite frankly, I have found that nobody cares in the slightest. Adultery is legal now, unilateral divorce is the law, and I have just spent the last few days reading through this forum. Where I see church members frequently giving out the advice to divorce to women, without having any understanding of the relationship at all. I can easily give you some examples. There are examples of this all over this forum and on the front page right now. I am not religious but I'm not sure how this could be biblical. It is divorce that destroys marriage and I see the advice to divorce being handed out like candy on Halloween to any woman who tells a story of her "secret abuse". This woman is also once divorced and she has two children. I also have a child but my ex-wife refuses to allow me to see her, despite me having orders for joint custody. My orders are not enforced. She claims that she got divorced because of "abuse", but this is exactly what my ex-wife claims, and the excuse that all of my friends ex-wives claim, and it also appears to be the excuse that is being used by Mormon women all over this forum to justify divorce. So at this point I really just don't believe this. She has told me that due to her religious beliefs she does not have sex outside of marriage. However, she has already had sex with me outside of marriage. She now claims she is no longer willing to be in a relationship with me without marriage and has been pressing me for this. We are now at a critical point where she is demanding marriage from me. Having very little knowledge of her faith, except for the few times in the past few weeks I have attended church with her, I have been doing some light reading of the Book of Mormon and reading this forum. I really don't understand why you all keep advocating divorce in basically every thread. I see constant threads where the woman says "I'm feeling abused/neglected/whatever" and in every single one of them there is a member of this forum who immediately advocates for divorce. Is this what is going to happen should I marry M? That as soon as we have a rocky period in the marriage and she feels abused or neglected the church members will advocate for her to get divorced? Because, quite frankly, I will not risk going through the horror of the family courts again. It has been far too painful, and nobody cares in the slightest. I've told M this and she assures me that she would never consider divorce. Yet she is already divorced. She claims that the Mormon faith is pro-marriage and against divorce. I certainly see the pro-marriage side, but from my readings on this forum it would appear that the Mormons are also pro-divorce. I've decided I will not marry her. The risk is far too great. What would you consider the best way to approach this subject with her? Should I just write off any attempt to have a relationship with her (beyond friendship) due to her religious beliefs? We get along very well and she has introduced me to her children but there is simply no way I will marry in a culture that is so clearly pro-divorce. I don't even see the point. I am going to basically tell her everything that I just put into this post. I've saved a few threads here that are perfect examples of what I am describing. I'm willing to have a committed relationship with her but not with the risk of being divorced in the insane family court system again. Is there any way she can remain as a Mormon, as she says this is very important to her and her family, and we can move forward and have a committed relationship? It's looking more and more that I am going to have to tell her that it's either me or her religion. Or perhaps is there some way we can be married by a bishop but not married by the state? So that, when she feels neglected and comes to complain about it, and you all tell her to get divorced, I won't have to go through the insane family court system? Thanks, -Daniel