I've grown to believe in the church first by having a curious nature, reading literature online, even anti-mormon literature, then posting my concerns about it to LDS on an online forum. Eventually I had a change of mind notibly when I got missionaries to deliver me a JS translation version of the KJV Bible. When asked if I'd join the church I decided "why not." I cared nothing about being obiedient to God but what I cared about was being on the right side.
What a fool I was. Even worse, I've now personally distroyed the spirt of a young LDS girl who thought I was her one. I however had to brake up the engagement out of the need I felt to finely stop kidding myself about living personal chastity.
Because, I didn't stop ahead and take faith, trust and obiedience into my conversion, I instead of building up a mate into exaltation, she is now inactive because of embarrassment I caused her.
I felt atheism was a road for me next, but I soon came to realize how miserable and worse that made me.
I literally have now a broken heart and a contrite spirit stepping back up to the plate. Long gone am I being the proud, and cocky fellow I was a year ago joining the church; no that person is dead now I live for Christ and not personally for my own salvation but to make sure his sacrifice he paid personally for my sins wasn't in vain.
I hope that I can gain forgiveness somehow for these actions of mine which has led to the spiritual death of a nice and loving woman.
