Elifas

That's so true. And that's why I'm criticizing the system. It's not about taking someone's agency or right of choice. But now it looks good only if you in the upper part of the triangle: you can date several people and decide who suits you most/share more values with you. And what about people who already made this decision? Now if I wanted to be chosen by her the I way I chose her, you encourage me to bring up the matter the next time I'll see her (look at your first advices), instead of giving her the time to evaluate me.

Sorry, I meant to say this: in "standard" relationships if you got to a point where you're "dating" it means that you got your chance. You can meet up, know each other better and decide only by yourselves when to move relationship to the next stage. If one of them thinks that maybe someone third could be better they stop dating with the first one. And cycle starts from the beginning. In Utah-style relationships dates themselves mean nothing. My logic tells that anyone who is interested in the girl is forced to run to the point of "serious relationships". It's two extremes: 1)if finally you found out that it's not your type of person, you can stop relationship at any point before the marriage; 2)on the other side if you'll decide that you need to take time to figure out if she's the One, you can end up with the fact that some other guy with whom she goes on dates was faster in his decisions than you're.

That's reasonable. In other circumstances, couple should take as much time they need to come to the next step. But, if the third party is involved doesn't it automatically turn relationship into "race"? It's the weakest point in the whole concept. Instead of thinking "Is it my person?", I must worry: "Hurry up or I'll lose the opportunity forever."

Thank you for answers again. It's all very logic. But automatically generates a new question in my mind: when in this strange (for me at least) dating culture usually guys raise the question of courtship? I mean, if this particular girl likes to go on dates with different people wouldn't it scare her out if I'll raise the issue on a third date (one week from the first one)?

Thanks for detailed answers, guys. It's really helpful. I must admit it differs drastically from what I'm used to. From where I came from first dates don't mean relationship either, but you can't just "try" another guy/girl at the same time. Plus, isn't it awkward to take one guy to the place where another will be? Because in my example, he is not a member and the only way he could came to church activities is by her invitation. Before your explanation, I really thought that it was done intentionally to make things tense. Well, I guess to ask is the only option. I just need to survive FHE today evening.

Hi, ladies and gentlemen. Need an urgent advice on dating question from you. I'm a new member who came to Utah from another part of the world (so, sorry for my English) and I got in an awkward situation just now. I have an amazing YSA ward, where literally every person contributed to my spiritual growth and helped me become a person who I am now. You'd expect that sooner or later I'll get a crash on someone of these wonderful people who surrounds me and that's happened. Last week I found courage and asked the loveliest and shiest girl for a date. She agreed and, though I'm usually not good with communication with girls, this time I rocked. We decided to repeat and second date was even more awesome. Yesterday we met at Sacrament and walked together home on planning the third one (yee-haw). Imagine my surprise when several hours later, she showed up for ward prayer holding hands with another guy and behaving like she doesn't know me. Today she signed up to come to FHE with him. Being in a little frustration, I asked one of my friends, what the heck could it mean. He said approx. this: "that's sick Mormon views on dating, bro. Until dating not become a courtship you have no responsibilities before each other. So it's a common thing to see a girl who was on a date with you yesterday, with another guy today. It happens through and through." My friend is an ex-member and his opinion is pretty biased, so I need your advice. Is it really, Utah-specific way of dating? US is a fourth country where I'm living and even in Europe, where people run from responsibilities all way through relationship, you can't date two guys at the same time. Sorry for my "culture shock", I'm a big boy and can survive rejection, but I hate to be in awkward situations. Will be glad for your advice.