Kind of at the same time? Three weeks ago he reunited with an ex on Facebook. Texted her. Fell back in "love" with her. Cheated on me. All while I was pregnant with and miscarried our fifth child.
That sounds really horrible when I type it out. Yikes.
I think what I want is advice. I believe I know I need to leave him for my sake and my children's sakes. He told me he was leaving the church last Tuesday. That rocked my world because it changes everything. But even after telling me that, he kept pushing me away. I think hoping I would leave him. I was committed to making it work because we ha...d not have...had the BEST relationship. Fairy tale. I mean that. Even he knows that. We had normal married couple fights from stress or shared duties. But we always ended up in bed cuddling and watching the Office and generally communicating very well.
And then he just lost it. He told me about the cheating just last night. The actual act happened about a week ago.
He said he is sorry. He feels devastated himself, that he'll do anything I ask of him, blah blah blah. I think if it was infidelity and he still had a testimony and wanted to go through the repentance process, then I would be willing to heal and work on this. And I think if he was leaving the church but loyal and faithful and loving, then we could have worked through that.
But both?
I love him desperately. I do. He has always been my everything. We met when we were young. We grew up and changed and experienced together. I don't know what snapped...he has no answers for me. He doesn't know why he did it. He just did. And he lost his faith somewhere in there. Oh, and he still has feelings for her, and right out said he has no confidence in himself that he won't do this to me again.
What do I do? He left yesterday to be at his grandparents' house. I feel like my husband died. Actually, it would have been easier to grieve that...This? Betrayal. Up-side down, world tilting, breath stealing horror.
