TGS

My Wife and I have 5 kids, 3 grandkids and have been married for 14 years.It has been rough and up and down.She has been a lifelong member of the church and married me as a non-member.For years, I didn't go to church and pushed behaviors I should have not.After some serious issues with a troubled son, a nasty sister that was very nasty to my wife.After several talks of separation and divorce, my wife and I stopped being intimated and I moved downstairs. It has been six months and I got to church as a family and we have scripture study. After a long while, I started to take the discussions and felt ok that I wanted to be baptized. My wife has been leery of it and doubting, which she has every right to.Missionary pushed a dunk date and my wife asked me are you going to lie and say you won't drink coffee or have a drink? I said no I will not lie as I do not have a testament of coffee or an occasional cocktail.She said then you don't believe and its a mistake, go join another church that doesn't require those as I do not want that for my man.She just stopped drinking coffee daily 2 weeks ago and drinking 6 months ago.I want her to be happy, but it seems she just judges me more. Now she tells me that she has higher aspirations and that she wouldn't be intimate again with me until we went through the Temple.I am lonely ,sad and feel like there is no pleasing her and I refuse to lie to her, so now she feels I should just choose a lane and go.I thought of moving out but I only plan to do that if we are divorced at that point I want a complete split.House sold, she gets a job and then leaves me alone, but I know that will never work for her.I hate my happiness is so intertwined with hers, as is my misery.She isn't affected by my feelings and I do not trust she has my best interests.I love her but feel, I am with someone who will never love me.She said I have potential.