Since I was a child I wanted to go on a mission. When I was almost the required age to go on a mission I got a job and I had savings for my mission. Unfortunately, my hand was injured. First, it wasn't something that needed surgery but running into bad doctos made my injured hand worse. Later, I needed to get two surgeries. I could only get these surgeries because the Church helped me, it wasn't the whole amount that it actually cost but the half which was enough.
Before my injured hand, I think my hobby was visit people with the missionaries, it was a lot of fun, I saw how many people changed, they wanted to be better and they were striving. After missionaries' lunch, the missionaries knocked my door to visit people till' night, that was my routine for over two years.
Today, I went to talk with my bishop, I told him I didn't want to go on a mission, I've already get my calling and I need to be at the MTC in August, I had my second surgery 2 weeks before today and I'm starting rehabilitation next week because of my injury. I told my bishop I may apply to BYU Idaho online, but I'll need to talk with the stake president, my bishop told me he'll probably not want me to study at BYUI online because I haven't served, and probably he tells me about the help I received and I feel chained because of this. If I can't go on a mission because of my treatment, I think my stake president won't let me study at BYUI, it's like all the time visiting with the missionaries doesn't matter at all. I don't know but people don't believe that it hurts as much as it is, if I say I can't go because if my treatment, their thinking may be "He doesn't want to go because he's not obedient", stake president and bishop think I'm already 100% to go. It's like I need to be serious or sad around them to really believe me, I have nothing against them and well, I know my bishop for over 15 years and really respect him.
When I preached along the missionaries, we told people that the gospel is happiness and makes people happier than they already are, but now it just feels it's a burden. It is not that I have done something wrong so that I can't go, it is just that my freaky hand doesn't heal for over two years and a half.
