Garry73

Thank you guys for your responses. It has helped me realize that maybe it just doesn't mean during my mission. I've always had an issue to recognize the Spirit from my internal monologue, but there's a point in the Doctrine and Covenants, that basically says He will teach you in your heart, but also in your mind. Unfortunately for me, I struggle with my perception of reality, think an auditory hallucination is really a hallucination or God speaking to me. Schizophrenia is like your mind constantly deceiving reality. I also have scrupulosity, and that makes it harder to deny the voice when I'm being delusional. But all of this is more psychiatrict than spiritual, so I'll leave it at that. Again thank you.

So, to shorten a long predicament, I am schizophrenic and was assigned to a service mission, for a multitude of reasons. This is where I really would like to capture your guy's attention. When I was 13, I had a desire to get my patriarchal blessing. I got it, but was a little disappointed due the the subject, or lack thereof to my blessing. You see, ever since I was a kid, I was obsessed into finding something I'm good at, a talent, even a gift. I've heard a lot of people getting their blessing with a spiritual gift. I didn't get it. So, that sucked and really broke me into a self-esteem crisis. But this isn't the end, as my mission setting apart by my Stake President. He's a great man, and I trust him with a lot of things. I'm just confused about spiritual gifts he said in my setting apart. The first one, and I think most predominant one is the gift of tongues. This is stumping me, as I'm pretty much the opposite guy who could use this. I'm in Iowa, and don't see too many foreigners speaking foreign languages. I don't know if I'll ever use the colloquial meaning by it. I understand that gift of tongues is not ubiquitous to us individually, but I'm not particularly eloquent in speech or writing. The second is a bit more difficult to answer, and I'm not really looking for anyone to answer it, unless they want of course. It's listening to the Spirit. This coincides with my schizophrenia as I hallucinate the spirit. I won't go into detail on how it happens, but just know that when schizophrenia and paranoia masquerades as God, you don't want to see that happen Thanks for reading and maybe I'll learn something about myself. I'm just curious why I've never been good at anything in my life, and then get an answer, to do something I can't use on my mission.