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Hello all, In the interest in continuing discussion on here and getting peaceful, thoughtful, and loving advice from others who share my general eternal goals, I'd like to talk about a controversial subject. I hope I will not be judged too harshly for this, but I need some help with something that has been very challenging to me of late. Why do I believe that am I a guy? How have I been able to come to terms with the fact that I am male? What has given me added strength in living a male life, a life I feel I was supposed to have lived? The answer is simple. XY. Because I am XY, I believe I was intended for all intents and purposes to be male. Regardless of what happened in utero or how my brain came to be the way it is or how my gender identity was affected, I am not female, and I base this on the fact that I am XY. Being an intended male, I make a further jump that I am also an intended spiritual male. In other words, Heavenly Father intended for me to come to this earth to live a male life because I have a male spirit regardless of Telestial world defects that might arise. As a member of the church, it is my role and duty to receive the Priesthood, and take a female to marriage in the temple to provide tabernacles for future Spirit children. This works out well for me, very well in fact. I began to feel some hope - some feeling of purpose to my situation. My job here, my challenge, was to learn to live a male life, and find joy therein because it is what God intended for me to have. This is based completely and totally on the fact that I have XY chromosomes. Ok, now for AIS. Androgen Insensitivity Syndrome is an intersexed disorder that affects exclusively male fetuses. What happens is the XY male's genetics are altered in such a way that their cells do not develop androgen receptors. What does this mean? It means even in the presence of testosterone, the body will not react to it. What does this effect? Well dang near everything. These male children do not feel the effects of the testosterone their own fetal testes are producing. As such, their testes remain inside their bodies, their penis never properly develops and in fact remains inverted (though it is not a uterus). Their brains do not change as they should in the presence of testosterone, etc. At some point later in life their internal testes will begin to pump extreme amounts of testosterone (as does with most males) however that testosterone will have no effect - they will gain no male secondary sex characteristics. These children do not make it to puberty though, at least not as males. See the undeveloped male sex organ looks like a vagina to the untrained eye. These children are often misidentified at birth as females and raised as such. Often these individuals have NO idea they are actually males until puberty when they do not get a period, or worse, when they are trying to get pregnant. Despite the absence of ovaries, the male body still produces estrogen, just in lesser amounts, but without functional testosterone the counteract the effect, these boys develop female secondary sex characteristics as if you took a normal male child, put him on androgen blockers and pumped him full of estrogen before puberty. Thus, if you look at an AIS male, they appear just like females. The worst part is, that even if these AIS males, once revealed, wanted to try to be a male, it would be nearly impossible, as the only hormones that will work to masculinize their bodies will not work because of the same deformity that made them they way they are currently. So what is my point? Why does AIS break my brain? Well the problem is, I, and most of the world, sees AIS males as females. Why? It is too convenient not to. They look female, they sound female, they are raised female, they have a vaginal opening, with no visible male genitalia. No one is going to question by looking at them or by sexual intercourse if they are female. It can only be questioned by looking at their chromosomes which stand out because they are XY. However this person, despite ALL appearances to the contrary, is, and was intended to be from birth, a male. However, due to the current society situation we are in, due to limited medical technology to treat such a condition or provide for early diagnosis, they are considered females. So for me to be consistent in my reasoning that I am a male both physically and spiritually and was always intended to be so (which as I mentioned was based on the fact that I have XY chromosomes) I must also equally apply that fact to individuals with AIS. The difference is, the church sees them as female generally - even spiritually (though there has been no direct addressing of AIS, I'm sure it is handled on an individual basis) but the problem remains that many of these women don't even know they are actually men with an intersexed disorder. So my brain is breaking. It means that essentially some of Heavenly Father's male children are not able to receive the Priesthood, be fathers, and worse they are marrying other males in the temple! You might tell me, oh all that will be worked out in the Millenium, and perhaps it will be. Someone once told me that it might be possible that God placed a female spirit inside a male body. They said this to help justify why they might have a female gender identity. I told that person it was a ludicrous statement, that such would just be a source of confusion, and while I do believe confusion exists in this world, I don't believe God to be the author of it. As such I told them it was much more probable that God would never ever ever place the spirit of a female into the body of a male (or vice versa). But the implications of AIS break this mold. There ARE male spirits being born into (for all intents and purposes) female bodies. Of course ALL of this is based upon my original premise that we are spiritually what we are chromosomally. This is Occam's Razor for me - it is the simplest explanation for me. However, if this premise is not true, who is to say that God doesn't place female spirits into male bodies and that I myself, might have been intended by God to be female? Or perhaps AIS is fundamentally different than Transsexualism in that God makes exceptions for those who look completely one sex and not another - such is the case with AIS, and these people were actually always intended to be female, while I, complete with GID, was always intended to be male. It just... breaks.... everything. I mean, I'm not losing my testimony over it, but a powerful pillar of strength has been toppled, and I need to find a way to prop it back up. I guess I am looking for a one size fits all answer because somewhere inside, I feel there SHOULD be one - I mean God IS a God of order - there has to be some sense made of this all. We can't all be wandering around wondering what spiritual sex we are, or worse determining it for ourselves, because too much Gospel-stuff hinges on it. If it is as truly arbitrary as some would lead me to believe, then why the heck does it matter so much to the church what sex you are? Of course, if I continue down this rabbit hole it will open up a whole lot of dissatisfactions I have with sex-role differences in the church, and that is certainly not where I want this discussion to go. I truly look forward to your insights. I feel I have no one else I can ask these questions to. I dare not speak to non-member TS's about them, they will only try to poke holes in the whole argument and try to get me to leave my faith. As such, I'm desperately desiring to hear from you all. Thank you! * I might have some details misunderstood regarding AIS, but the more important facts, those related to their chromosomes, is correct.