Hi everyone. I'm new to this board. My wife and I have been married for 13 years and have four children. We are both in our 30's. I'd love to get some insight from others about the issue my wife and I are dealing with, which is intellectual compatibility. My wife has a simple, wonderful personality and is comfortable with the basic knowledge she has about the world, the gospel, etc. I have a very inquisitive mind and am always seeking additional knowledge about diverse subjects like Church history and doctrine, science and technology, etc.
During our courtship and early marriage I didn't even think about intellectual compatibility as an important factor in marriage since we were both so compatible in other areas (dedication to the gospel, family). As the years have passed this difference between us has become more and more glaring. We have a difficult time understanding how each other thinks, reasons, and makes decisions. As a result, contention has increased to the point that it is hindering our marriage and family.
I long to have deep and meaningful conversations with my wife but her limited knowledge makes it difficult for us to have two-way conversations where we can both contribute. I realize that the problem is my own, but I'm having a hard time letting go of the desire to have an intellectual connection with her. We are currently seeing a marriage counselor, meeting with the bishop, reading books and articles, praying, temple attendance, etc. Our marriage is slowly improving by focusing on what we do have in common instead of our differences, but I can't shake the feeling that this is one area that we will never come together on.
The depressing part for me is that most people I encounter belittle my desire as if I'm being selfish. Is it? For me, having a strong intellectual connection with my spouse is important. For others it may not be, but for me it is important.
How important is intellectual compatibility in marriage? Any thoughts?