Wife's past haunting me

[Gel182]

I found a counselor within the church. The reason behind this was mainly because they would understand my background and why it was an issue in the first place. For the most part I've found that if you talk to someone outside of the church, they'll wonder what all the hoopla is about and tell you to just get over it. A member will at least understand that you've been taught a certain way throughout your life and this makes reconciling this issue a little more complicated than stating that you should simply forget. I readily admit that I still struggle, badly at times, but things have gotten much better. It's easy to quickly fall into those obsessive thoughts but that's because they're painful and there are daily reminders, whether it's through teaching your kids, teaching principles of the church, TV, etc. All those things can tend to trigger thoughts - it's getting those under control and a counselor will help.

As for meds, I took Lexapro...which I would never take alone again. Then it was combined with Wellbutrin with much better results. It seemed to turn off my bad routine of thinking. The only problem is that when you have no lows, you also have no highs. After a while I just wanted to experience both but with the ability to control my thoughts better. It's still an up and down battle that's pretty embarrassing to admit in all honesty and it's not something that you readily find someone else to discuss this with. Every single thing you've said is exactly something I've thought but have not necessarily expressed it. I could go into more detail, but it's probably too much information for this site and I don't want to freak everybody out. You can PM me or something if you want to talk - it's nice to know that there's someone dealing with similar crap at times.