How to be animated with the church?

[Warrior Of Jah]

Two years ago i was in the mission, since i left (with honor) my life don't get any progress, i don't get a good job to create my self family, i returned with no health and my knees is so terrible, i fail in my goals because i left from my university to try to be a police men because i don't get none job in that area then i spent one year studyng to enter in the police and i got a good classification and pass in all tests but i was desclassificated further  in the last test because my anxiety caused by the pression in my life to get a good job and to marry more fast than possible. I this I spent money to take my drivers license but i was stolen by the government of my cursed country and i don't get my drivers license and i need this to military carreer but now i have no money to try again and this is so expensive here (1 thousand dolar). I will try to be a sargeant of my country army but i don't know if my kness will support the training and if i fail again i will spent more one year of my life.

This is how two years of my cursed life went forth to the trash, and this is not all, the girl that i wanna marry will go to the mission to preach the gospel and preach the eternal life to others while in my life the gospel is just a "Utopia theory" on this account nothing works, i don't get success in absoluty nothing. And i still here with no wife, no job, no education, just curse, and in my ward there are 160 active members and i am the executive and finnancial secretary of my ward  and i am secretary in the young boys and i have many work to do, meetings, members phone calling, schedules, is a hard work but every this is vain because in my life absolutely nothing works and i just don't left from the church because my mother and friends, i have a testimony but i feel like Job and the Heavenly Father pretty hate me and i never ask nothing than a wife and family but like i said this is an utopia, i was 22 years old i'm a faithfull member since i was 8 years young and i'm losting day after day my testmony and i'm losting my hope, health, i'm losting my trust in the Lord, i go no more to the temple, i pray no more, i don't read the scriptures no longer, the church take my girl and will to send her for the mission, i am some angry about this, but in the rest the church have no guilt in my personal fails but i was deceived, however i have none reason to stay if i don't get myself family. You have no idea in how you are blessed to born in north america.

I tried, sorry for this words.