NormalMormon

Thanks everyone for your replies. To address a few concerns: First of all, we DO NOT hope this baby will "mend" our marriage at ALL. We know that babies does not a marriage make - and in fact will make it even MORE difficult. But we are trying to envision this as if I were pregnant - what would we do? It's not like we were SEEKING a child - but it just sort of happened. And literally - she was on her way to the abortion clinic when I said NO! No, the baby is not her husband's. She had a one night stand with a man that wants nothing to do with her or the baby. She's a very good friend, and while she has 4 kids she doesn't feel like she can handle raising 5 kids on her own. Plus, she said that she REALLY wants to do this for me...after seeing all my infertility struggles and how good I am with her children, etc...etc... People also expressed that they were concerned that we are "still friends" - however, we live about 2 hours away from each other and wouldn't see each other like normal friends do...so it would be more like an open adoption where she can have updates...not like a friendship per se. I didn't take offense to anything anyone said because I know those things are in the back of my mind too! My husband and I currently DONT have a rocky relationship really - we are more on the road to recovery. I can't say that we won't get divorced because NO married couple can say that. We won't be going through LDS family services though because it's a private adoption and she wants US to be the parents and we don't have temple reccommends anymore...

Oh, and I should probably add that she just had her fourth child in June, is getting a divorce in Feb., and is in the second trimester.

My spouse and I recently have had a rocky road this year in our relationship. REALLY rocky. Just about the worst things that can happen in a marriage, HAVE happened to us. Yet, despite all of it, we are together and working through our problems. He is 29 and I am almost 26 and have no children. We were married in the temple, yet likely won't be able to attain temple recommends for awhile. So this question isn't a "gospel" question, it's more objective. We struggled with infertility for awhile, went through treatments, yet still didn't get pregnant about this time last year. We were going to start trying again, then something BIG happened. I had a best friend in the church who was active with three kids, who I spent a LOT of time with this past year. She had some troubles in her marriage as well, and committed adultery. I moved away, and she informed me that she was pregnant and was going to get an abortion. I told her immediately that I would adopt it. So she called off the abortion, and now we are thinking of adopting. But obviously we really weren't prepared and it's not like we were on a waiting list. We know there are a lot of other couples that are MORE fit, but regardless...we want to be parents. We don't assume it will fix anything because we are already working towards a better marriage and even financial situation. But SHE specifically wants US to be the parents, and we want to be the parents. I just feel like people will judge us if we choose to adopt because we aren't as "fit" as other parents.... Anyway...advice is appreciated!

My husband and I have been married for three years, and got married in the temple a little less than a year ago. We don't have any kids yet. I am a more than a little worried because I feel like we are headed for a divorce. It seems like he has been depressed for years...well, on and off I guess. He's never happy. It seems like the only way he'll ever be happy is if he wins the lottery or something. He's never rich enough or good looking enough...nothing is EVER good "enough" for him. He's an eternal pessimist. Also, last night I saw that he was drinking. I get REALLY upset at this. His family are also members of the church, yet some of them drink and I think it's really stupid. I told him not to lie to me if he ever drank, but he always "dances" around it...like "Oh, you asked if I was drinking WINE. and I said no. I'm really drinking Vodka." OR something stupid like that. Anyway, he's bitter because I got to "have fun" and drink in college - but he never got to. (I wasn't a member then.) It just feels like I am trying to move on and up in life. Go to church, grow up, live the WoW, etc... and he's digressing. He thinks alcohol will make life more fun because other members of his family do it. He doesn't think it's a big deal at all because Mormons abuse prescription drugs and it's no different. (Which it really isn't - but BOTH are BAD.) I hear this all the time - the man wants the woman he married to stay the same, and the woman wants the man she married to change. Well that is exactly what is happening here. But I don't understand WHY it is a bad thing that I want him to change for the BETTER, and he wants me to be the drinking, party girl I was before! I am becoming a better person, and he doesn't like it. So I am wondering if it's even worth it to stay together. Also, he has never hit me, but he has an EXTRAORDINARILY BAD TEMPER. Like, bad... he throws things, breaks things, ruins things...I hate it and just when everthing is going GREAT he throws a tantrum. He also says some of the meanest things you could ever say to anyone. Plus now, he's "not sure" about the church. He thinks everything is a waste of time. He thinks that God is punishing him. Every chance he gets he says sarcastically, "THANKS GOD!!!!!!!"...because recently things have been going bad for him health wise. But when something goes good he doesn't attribute it to God at all. I literally don't want to put forth the effort into dating anyone else. I don't feel like anyone will ever be good enough. I know that sounds bad, but all I want is a nice funny priesthood holder that doesn't throw crap around, use the "N" word, has respect, doesn't swear, is optimistic....I hate this.

Many of you know there are a few things about this church that bugs me. I just got endowed and am getting sealed on Friday. I am a convert of three years. I have voiced my opinion on women, the priesthood, polygamy, our history, etc... and have begun to realized a few things about each topic that has strengthened my testimony. Here's a brief synopsis for anyone who is struggling. Women/Priesthood: It has always bothered me that men can have the priesthood and women cannot. My arguments have been extensive on this, but there's one thing I recently realized. Men need to be held accountable more so than women. I am not just saying this to make myself feels better. Men on this Earth, as we all know, commit more sin than women (it's just statistics.) They are more prone to committing sin, and have little duties other than to work and provide for the family. Women rear children, work, clean, etc... and still manage to stay away from porn and other sins. Therefore, I assume it's only obvious that men need another way to be accountable. Joseph's Sketchy History: Sorry, he was the prophet, but he wasn't perfect. Just like our prophet today isn't perfect. Niether is the church. Many things have yet to be revealed to us. Polygamy: It was allowed before, it's not now. We need to follow the laws of the land and not sit on the fence about it. Just because it was okay in the past, doesn't mean it's okay now. And if we are to defend polygamy, the only option is to also defend gay rights. The only reason to defend polygamy in this day and age is for human rights reasons, not for the sake of women or bearing children. We are past those issues, therefore it is no longer needed. But if the land allows polygamy between consenting adults, by gosh they should allow gay marriage between consenting adults. If they don't allow one, they shouldn't allow they other. My husband must have gotten this whole "polygamy is biblical and good and just not needed right now but is our ultimate destiny" thing beaten into him as a child. Yeah, sometimes it will be needed or allowed - but don't defend one sinner and chastise the next.

As many of you know, I got my Endowment on 8/2 and I am getting sealed this Friday. I just wanted to share my experience. I wrote it on my blog too. This is just an excerpt. Now I am getting sealed on Friday. Since it only lasts for a total of about 5 minutes I am told - I am thinking more about everything else and not the sealing ceremony! Yikes.

Does anyone know a few specific scriptures that I can read before I go? My escort told me to read some things the Pearl of Great Price, but didn't know the exact scriptures. She said it would help me better understand. Any idea what they might be? Are there any other ways to help me prepare? Do I dress up? (Like church- or nicer than church? Do I do my hair up? Or does it matter?) What else should I read that will help me better understand what goes on in there, and that will help me remember after? Any advice would be great.

Thanks. Honestly, I think that one day I'll find peace about these subjects. Being in the church is better than being without it. I'd rather live it, than let something like inequality stand in my way.

Islander - Thanks for the comment. As of yet, I haven't gotten my endowment. Maybe that's what I need? I don't know. I'm so sad, angry, and frustrated.

Geez. Everyone's so angry. Okay, I'm a convert. But maybe instead of trying to convert people in the shortest time possible, we should focus on teaching the REAL and TRUE things. EVERYTHING. Not just SOME things, then wait until they get baptized, and say "Oh by the way, we think this too." Sorry if I was wrong, but even if we didn't let people of African descent have the Priesthood for "specific" reasons, that doesn't make sense either. What reasons? Why? Because ALL of them weren't worthy? Because of their ancestors? Why? Women are so quick to accept not having the Priesthood and polygamy in Heaven, and no bat an eye because it's what HE would want us to do. FINE. But what about MEN? They don't have to withstand their wives being with other men, and asking for God to help them through it. They don't have to worry at all about if their feelings would be hurt in the eternities or not. Men don't have to worry about it, because it seems they get the "better" end of the deal here. I will constantly worry if I will have to share the man I love with another in Heaven. I will constantly wonder why God won't allow women to have the Priesthood. Men don't have to. And you may find offense that I think women should have the priesthood, but it's MUCH MUCH MUCH more offensive when you say they can't, shouldn't, and never will. Still...it makes no sense at all. Roles are different. God wants it like this. Pray about it. If you believe in the BoM, you must believe in this. Well, I understand all your answers. I accept some of them. I will believe in what I WANT to believe in. I will continue to search the Book of Mormon without outside influences other than prayer. I won't put this all in the back of my mind, or teach my children just to accept it and bear their verbatim testimonies on the stand. It's not like I will be leaving the church or anything. And by the way, I asked ALL my questions to the Bishop. ALL of them. Everything I've asked here. We talked for almost two hours. He seemed to think I was perfectly worthy of going to the temple. Keep in mind, I haven't been judging anyone else or making rude comments like "how could you even go to the temple?" People don't all have to have the same testimony. I would encourage each of you to break the mold a little and do some soul searching. The exact same words are pouring out of each of your mouths. Perhaps it's because they are true. Maybe it's because you've been conditioned to think that way. In any case, I've read every single comment on here. EVERY ONE. I don't discount any arguments. It just seems that the longer we go on, the angrier people get. Absolutely no one can see where I am coming from and it feels like you'd rather have me be out of the church, than to either a) accept it or b) strive to change it.

I see the cross in two different lights. 1. A token of remembrance for what He did for us. 2. A sacrificial torture device. If God sent another Son in this day, and we sentence him to death by lethal injection, I probably wouldn't be wearing a syringe around my neck. Just a thought.... Oh, but don't let something as silly as a CROSS make your testimony falter! If you feel it's something positive, then wear it! You won't be ostracized for it or anything. Personally, my mom wears crosses all the time. If she were to give me one, I'd wear it too.

This is where religion and science conflict. Blacks have black skin because God made them so. Women have breasts. Men have penises. Mexicans have dark skin. Chinese have light. Blonde, brunette, male female....etc....those are all biological. You know that. Holding the Priesthood doesn't happen because you have the penis. It happens because man makes it so. God didn't love black people any less before they could hold the Priesthood. It was MAN that didn't love black people. Same thing with women. Women can't hold the Prieshood because of man. Not God. You can say it's the Prophet who tells us this is how it should be, but that's also what the prophet said before black people were allowed the Priesthood.

It's funny that no matter what topic I start, the only thing it comes back to is - "Pray, Have faith, etc..." You don't think I do that? I haven't made up my mind yet, like you suggest. I am constantly searching for answers, which is why I am here. But it seems no one can fess up to the truth, or at least recognize that what I say has some value. You know good and well that the fact that women can't have the Priesthood makes NO sense. You also know that not allowing both men and women to be able to be sealed to more than one person makes no sense. Men and women are equal but different, and everything a man is offered by the hand of God or the prophet or whatever, should also be offered to a woman. And vice versa. Not biological traits. That's completely different. Once again....no one can answer me. I just got my new temple reccommend yesterday, and asked the Bishop all these things. He seemed to understand me. Ultimatley, the only answer is "We don't know."

Oh let's not start this. The priesthood is a Man/God given right. Having babies is a biological right. Nothing more nothing less. So there's no comparison.

Okay, let me clarify. I understand the reasons for allowing polygamy. To raise seed, to save people, etc.. etc... I understand why it could be sanctioned by God. I DON'T understand why men and women in the exact same circumstance (widow) cannot have the same opportunity to be sealed to another spouse later. Man can. But women can't. Still makes no sense. And to me, all this talk of "We don't know what will happen..." is horse puckey. Isn't that the entire point of religion? To figure out what will happen? Everything else seems to be figured out but this. The fact that a) women can't have the priesthood and b) women can't be sealed to more than one man all comes back to the EXACT same argument. "We simply don't know." So far, dozens of men have given their two cents on why polygamy here on Earth is justified. I can see that sometimes it is. However, you don't think that ONE man or a few more found it COMPLETELY satisfying and appealing to know that he could have sex with any one of many women? Even Joseph Smith? He wasn't thinking about how many babies he was going to make while having sex. He was a prophet, but he was not perfect. No one is. He was a MAN. Just like every other man in a polygamist relationship. It's not even about the men here, really. It's more about the women. We don't know how many wives of Joseph were completely hurt when he slept with another. Same all the other wives of one man. How can they not be hurt? I can see that a few women would do it out of the goodness of their hearts, in faith, knowing God would bless them, and because they were raised that way. But women are imperfect, and human too. And you cannot tell me that there was not, or will not be jealousy and pain. What man would EVER want to do that to a woman he loves? My view is probably what is making God not allow it on the Earth today, since most people think the way I do. If, in my lifetime, God ever called for it again - I wouldn't do it. I don't think he would expect me to either. Even in Heaven, God wouldn't force me to share my husband with other women because for me, that's not Heaven. Perhaps plural marriage is allowed in Heaven because, in addition to the many reasons we've already heard, there were and will be MORE people who get sealed to more than one person....(like in the event of death.) Anyway....(inhale.)