look I am not sure what to tell you but dont be so hard on yourself.
I will encourage you to read Ezekiel 18 the whole chapter. It might be a little hard at first, but pay close attention to verses 21-23, 27, 30, 32.
Pray about it before you read, pour your heart and place your faith unto the Lord. I know by experience that if you read it without praying first will cause you to go crazy on your mind =P
My sin before I was a member was to deny the Holy Spirit. and I have read (somewhere) that it is as bad as breaking the law of chastity or murder. I know that the Lord loves you and will be willing to listen to you and help you out of this problem.
Don't judge yourself because it is what Satan wants you to believe. that there is no way that we can repent from our sins and that the Lord will never forgive us.
Talk to your Bishop as well. he is appointed to help out the members.
hope to hear from you soon =)
