j_jmorton

yeah i used to think god played favorites when i was younger. Now I dont know what to believe. Im not trying to complain and say that everythings so hard. I just dont understand why the temple was so difficult for me. Maybe I wasnt ready... I want to believe but im just struggling.

Hi, Well I guess i should probably start explaining myself. I was brought up in the church kinda. My family were always on and off. Half the time me and my brothers went to church alone. We moved to australia when i was ten and things only got worse. Dad said the church was different and started to drink allot. He became a abusive dad and father. So i used to pray for god to stop dad from drinking and hitting us. Pray for him to just come sit next to me at church. I never got any signs or answers so I gave up and decided god prayed favorites. I stopped going to church when i was 16. I started to come back to church 2 years ago I was 21. I had the m ost spirtual expierences at first and even though I went trough a bishops counsil (for breaking the law of chasity) I just loved the church and my scriptures so much. However almost straight after my bishops council probation was over I met my husband. Return missionary all the right things. We were married 3 monthes later. It was so hard people telling me bits and pieces not knowing what was going to happed in the temple. I hated my wedding day. The endowment ceramony felt fake and the sealing just as bad. I feel bad, was i not ready? A few monthes later still struggling with my faith. My brother came out of the closet. My brother is gay. I belive him when he says it wasnt a choice. He has to deal with commiting sins for the way he feels. This made my faith sunk a little more. My husband is great just tries to explain and understand. but he dosent. I feel like im going through this all alone. I cant even speak to my bishop about my problems because hes awful. I wanted my wedding to be spritual. I wanted all the lovely tingles. I dont understand. Every day I feel like my faith is getting smaller and smaller Im afraid it will disapear for good. I think I need some advice