unixknight
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Posts posted by unixknight
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I do agree and disagree to some extent.
I do agree that if this person can't tell the same things in front of the person, it's clearly gossip. However, I know some people who will talk behind their backs, and would throw on their faces as well along with more. So, wouldn't it be gossip anyway discussing in a derogatory way anyone whether or not they would tell them as well?
Just trying to figure things out...
Thanks for your input!!!
Good question...
My inclination is to say it isn't gossip because at least they're consistent... Rude maybe.. mean spirited maybe... but consistent...
It it any better than gossip? Probably not, since on some level by being willing to sit and listen to it, one provides encouragement to the person being rude by giving them an audience.
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It becomes gossip when the person would be unwilling to say it in the presence of the subject person.
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On the Washington DC Temple there's s set of doors on the East that are never used as far as I know, but they're maintained as if to be ready at any moment. When one enters that Temple, they do so through a causeway on the north side.
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The differences between each category of disciplinary action are pretty much arbitrary. I'm sure there are general guidelines but when the Disciplinary Council convenes to decide what to do, they act by the inspiration from the Lord. Sometimes a lesser transgression is punished more severely than someone else who does something more severe but is given a more merciful punishment. I think there are a LOT of factors that go into it and the attitude of the member is probably the biggest. Somebody who walks into that DC with a chip on their shoulder is much more likely, I'd think, to be excommunicated than somebody who is contrite and humble.
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Im not sure I agree with that prospectmom. Worry is a natural part of being a parent, and you are bound to worry about people you love. I worry all the time about my husband getting home safe etc. Are you saying thats Satan??
Unix...sounds like you are doing all the right things. Ultimately, you should want your children to be happy with or without the church. Would it be such a bad thing if they didn't go so long as they were happy? I think thats whats important.
The problem is, if they lose their enthusiasm for the church due to their mother's lack of it, then they're giving up their best chance at true happiness.
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You know, on a recent visit when the kids were over for about a week, all 3 of them sat down with me to vent their frustrations about their mom. It seems each one has his or her own reasons to be frustrated with home life, and all of them feel shunted ever since the boyfriend entered the picture.
Now, I know it's perfectly normal for kids to feel a little competitive when a new romantic interest enters mom's or dad's life, but during this same conversation the kids commended me on how I'd handled bringing my new wife into the picture. They suddenly started commending me for a lot of things and it felt really good...
But maybe too good. I don't want it to go to my head that my kids seem to be far more comfortable coming to talk to me about things than their mom. (She already blew my 12 year old's confidence by taking a very personal thing he told her and sharing it with the boyfriend.) I have to struggle not to feel vindicated at these things but man... It's hard.
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Since I'll be picking up my eldest tomorrow morning for a brief weekend visit I'll have plenty of time with him on the long drive back and forth to talk about these issues.
Now if I can get similar 1 on 1 time with the ot hers on a regular basis, I think we'll be alright.
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Just a side note: If you want to know what my new baby daughter looks like, take a look at Dolly-Mama's avatar on the Help with Baby thread
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That's exactly the scenario I want to avoid. I have a pretty strong influence over my sons, but my daughter is her mommy's girl (Although that has suffered as the new boyfriend's daughter has come into the picture and supplanted my daughter a the favorite, at least from her perspective.)
I've already had to sit down with her (she's 8) and reassure her that I love her as much as ever and that I'm incredibly proud of her. The reason: My wife and I have a new baby daughter and I anticipated possible jealousy issues. What didn't help was the day my ex dropped our daughter off, pointed to the new baby and whispered to her "There's your competition."
I tell that story because it seems like I may be facing an active effort on her part to drive a wedge between the kids and me, even as her own relationship with them erodes. I will take the advice I've been given here and hopefully I can report back later that all is well.
Incidentally, since my son isn't going to Youth Conference he's coming here for the weekend. (I can't take him realistically to YC because they live in another state)
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Woohoo!
And this was well timed... I just got a call from my eldest and apparently due to complaining on the part of his mom, he's now option out of going to Youth Conference... He assures me that the decision was his, but I know in my heart he did it to try and appease his mom. This is an area in which I have absolutely no control whatsoever and I want to talk to him about it this weekend when he comes down to visit, but I feel I have to walk a very fine line... I want him to stand up for what is the best thing to do but at the same time I don't want to be effectively encouraging him to disregard his mother's authority.
Time for lots and lots of prayer.
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Roger that.
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See, that's the sort of thing I'd like to have happening, but it seems like my ex's relationship with our kids is being systematically disassembled and I feel like I either have to step in and make excuses for her, or somehow try to distract the kids.
I've already tried talking to her directly about this, but my words carry no weight whatsoever so I got nowhere. I've been thinking about talking to her parents for the kids' sake, but I have little hope that they'd do anything because it might be seen as "getting involved" which they have never done.
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Great suggestions. I will, thanks!
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Crazy is good. It's very, very good. Thanks for the kind words :)
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Thanks guys.
Yeah I do pretty much those things. I got my ex to form an agreement with me to keep our issues between us and not criticize each other to the kids.
Lately my kids have expressed to me their gladness that I've held up my end of that deal, even as they tell me about how she doesn't.
They're with me every other weekend and so I can get them to church. When they're at home they go with their grandparents, who live in the same home with them and are members. They are getting to church and my oldest is in Seminary, so that much is covered. As I understand it, he even leads his younger siblings in prayer.
I just wish it didn't have to fall to him to take up that slack but he is handling it admirably. It's the younger two I worry about the most.
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I hope it will be the antidote, too. 
Welcome to the site.Thankya!
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I hope maybe someone can relate to this, and I'll do my very best to express the situation is as neutral a tone as I can.
A couple of years ago my wife and I split up, and while we share custody of our 3 children they live with her most of the time. I had gone through a stage where I was inactive in the Church and didn't live the Gospel very well at all, but eventually got back on my feet and found a new wife who has joined the Church and all is well on that front.
The problem is that recently, my ex found a new boyfriend and in no time at all they started to sleep together, justifying it in the eyes of the kids by insisting that nothing immoral is happening. My kids are very uncomfortable with what they see as a thin rationalization of something that ought not to be. Recently she came to me to tell me she'd ceased wearing her garments because she felt that living the Gospel was just too taxing and wanted to not worry about it anymore.
I feel like I'm in a very difficult position because yes, there was a time when I too was setting a lousy example as well, so I feel like while I am now responsible for setting a good example, I feel, at the same time, like a hypocrite. I don't think I can take the moral high ground, but somebody's got to otherwise I fear my kids will lose their testimony. It's true that I'm an example of the forgiveness of the Savior and how it is possible for someone to fall and pick themselves up again, but when the kids spend 90% of their time living with their mom, I feel helpless to take the reins, as it were.
Anybody else experienced anything like this?
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Hey all,
Been a member of the Church for 10 years as of last Saturday.
I'm here because I'm something of a forum junkie, and I have a tendency to get involved in forums that, rather than stimulating my mind, tend to leave me in a bad mood and stressed out. I'm hoping this will be the antidote. :)
Sharing with a Friend OR Gossip? - How to Tell?
in Advice Board
Posted
I think what I'd say to them is something along the lines of: "Hey, I appreciate where you're coming from but have you talked to X about this? I think you'd be better off starting there." And be firm about it unless they're asking you for advice on how to go about doing that.
If they're willing to do that, it'll take all the fun out of filling your ear with it later, and if they aren't, you've saved yourself from hearing gossip.