Hello all! So I was on the web looking for my new ward (I've moved recently) and I found this page. Okay so here's the real deal and I would love to find some advice. This ward I will be attending in a couple of weeks will be the next one on a long list of wards (I've moved a lot the last six years). It's been awhile since I've been to church, yes I know, "step away and inactive member!" At least that's the response I get when I start a new ward. I usually don't have trouble making friends, but for some reason when it comes to church it's a struggle to fit in. I mean, I feel like I'm in 7th grade and it's my first day of Jr. High and I don't know which tables the "cool" table or not.
Now don't get me wrong I love the Gospel, I feel good when I study the scriptures and pray and when I'm helping people I'm a huge fan of community work, it's a great way to meet people and connect. I don't feel that way at church.
I've been a member my whole life, but see the ward I grew up in kind of... well... died on the vine to say the least, it no longer exist. Without a home base I feel a little lost. I really want this new ward to work out. I want to be strong in the church a full fledge member, but it's just such a lonely place for me that I stop going. I've been through this enough that I know the cycle. I meet people, there real nice at first because I'm new right and that's what they are suppose to be. But a few activities in, a few Sundays and I've having the same conversations with the same people, reintroducing myself over and over.
I would like to believe that I'm not an entirely boring person or completely invisible, but that's how I feel at church. I'm almost 23 and will be finishing my English degree. I've always wanted to me married in the temple and to have a strong LDS family (something I didn't have growing up) but it seems the older I get the farther away it all seems to get.
I'm willing to change whatever I can, but I can't be someone I'm not. And I know this message is a little venty, but this all has been a very painful thing in my life and I've begun to loss faith in the church, not it's teachings mind you I believe in Joseph Smith, in the Holy Ghost, in the Book of Mormon; but in the church its self, leadership on the ward level. It scares me. I don't want to feel this way. When I was in High School church was everything to me. My closest friends were at church, people I still talk to even though we are spread out all over the country.
This has gotten longer than I thought it would, but truthfully I would like some guidance. If you want to tell me I'm a freak and I should quite my belly aching that's fine to. I just feel so crazy sometimes about all this and I've run out of ideas of my own.
