norawhitman

Thank you all for your advice. I really do appreciate it. I am actually thinking that perhaps a nice chat with my Bishop might be an idea, to get his take on me coming to meetings, though I do not believe everything. I want to share what I believe, or what I know so far. This is not meant to be an argument or the beginning of a huge and awkward theological discussion. I just want to help you understand better where I am coming from. Let me say also, that I really really appreciate those of your who have read and took the time to answer my post. I used to believe in the church, everything, 110%. I was raised in a house where organized religion was scorned and regarded as nothing more than man's attempt at monetary gain. I met some kids at school who were Mormon (which I thought were like unto Quakers- shows my lack of exposure to religion) and loved hanging out with them. Though my folks weren't religious I was raised with a high moral standard... got good grades... didn't sleep around...etc- basically a great candidate for the church (who isn't though, right?) Anyhow I got baptized and went off to BYU. I majored in Middle Eastern Studies and went to study abroad in Egypt. I ended up spending a lot of time over there, and fell in love with the people. I found Islam intriguing, as well as Coptic Christianity. This is where my testimony of the church was challenged greatly. Would God really say that these people who's faith was greater than my own, who were more disicplined than me... that it all wasn't enough? That was the first big uh oh question. The first time I got back from Egypt and immersed in good ol' BYU culture I tried really hard to ignore everything I was feeling in terms of doubt. I dove deep into service and into my calling. But in my spare time I would find myself checking books out of the library about different religions. I am fascinated by Eastern religions and find a lot of peace in their practices. I also find the history of religion fascinating, and I love to study the morphing of religions, if you will, as every religion has beliefs and rituals that are inherited by another. It was all truly amazing and was something I had never been exposed to. Other doubts crept in. Things my father had said during the many arguments we had had when I had first joined the church. The age old questions with answers that were never satisfying. The law of consecration and pologamy, women and the priesthood, racism and the priesthood, and Heavenly Mother (since becoming a mother myself, I have found great comfort in (finally having the courage) talking to her! Something I was told not to do in church). When I went back across seas I began to notice the Spirit everywhere. Old churches, mosques, synagogues, and temples throughout the Middle East and Europe had the Spirit in abundance. It was no different than the feeling I had felt in the temple a hundred times before. It was a sacred space made sacred by the thousands of prayers uttered there, made sacred by the thousands of faithful people who had worshipped there. I began to think that Mormonism was the first thing that came around for me. It was the catalyst. It woke up my soul and sent me on quest for truth. I do think the Book of Mormon has truth in it, I have read it only a few times, but each time I read it I feel peace. Definitely. I think the prophet and apostles are inspired men. But I also think Buddhism has inspired leaders. I read the Qur'an and I feel the same peace I feel when reading the Bible. There is no monopoly on truth or salvation. As long as we are seeking to live well, seeking to be better and serving others we are on our way there. This poses a difficult question for me, and I recognize that I still have much to learn, and much to reconcile. If the BOM is true, does it not follow that Joseph Smith was a true prophet, etc, etc.? I don't know if that logic is entirely accurate or not. Joseph Smith was definitely inspired. Just look at what his work has done! The church renders more service to people than many institutions combined. But many other religions have impressive resumes as well. I feel there is much to learn from all spiritual paths, as well as truths to be taken and applied in our lives. One path that is right for you may not be for the next person. There is something for everyone. Different individuals have different needs. I want my son to grow up and truly have a choice as to what he wants to practice and believe. But I also want him around good people. I love the church. There is much to be learned from the members in areas of service, love, discipline, and much else. Anyway, I am done with my novel now. I promise. I just wanted to give you guys a glimpse at what is going on in my head and heart right now. Perhaps one of you will have a solution I have not thought of. My biggest wish is to grow spiritually with people of a like mind. But I can not find them in my small town. So far its just me, my husband, and the dog. haha, j/k So I am thinking the next best bet is people of a similar moral code etc. Any more advice?

...that I have looked into other churches. A lot of them. Nice people a lot of time, but still I don't believe the same things. When I do find a group of people who think the way I do, sadly enough there tends to be a lot of immorality and lower standards. Obviously this will not always be the case, and perhaps I should look harder. But I love the people the LDS church helps to produce, I just can't give my soul to something that is not right for it anymore. So any help you have would be great. Is it wrong to go just to socialize, discuss, and learn?

Hi! Ny name is Nora, I am a convert to the church of (officially) 8 years, though I have not been active for the past 2 or 3. I was very excited about the church. I love the structure. I love the institution as a whole (I even went to and graduated from BYU), but I have come to learn that that is what I believe in- the institution and the goodness of some people. I do not believe in much of the doctrine, or even the plan of salvation anymore. I love church, and I love to go to church. I really want to go to relief society and Sunday School because I enjoy spending time with other intelligent moral people. However I feel like that perhaps that is hypocritical- to go to church for the social benefits. What is your (anyones) advice/thoughts? Thank you- Nora