Carolear

I wrote a long long did I say long reply and got ZAPPED. No energy to repost..will try tomorrow. PS: All is well!

Backroads, Over 3 yrs of time , being invisible and not worth the concern of anyone. Going to Utah and the shock of that not being anything like I thought, my family showing their true colors of what was important to them. My life insurance is , but not me or helping me. My thinking went along the thread, that Satan had won the war as this was pure hell. I could not understand ever why there is a war to begin with? It still bothers me why God would allow the crucifiction and Jesus would go along with it. And if we are happy after this earth life, will there be more wars? I don't want war. So you can see where my thoughts were confused? Carole

Normandy, Yes, I want to be on a pity pot and there appears to be none available. I have moved to UTAH at one time, hoping to get what you state in your reply. I learned a big lesson there and returned to Ar in a few months time. I had a totally different idea of what it would be like there, but the lack of help was just as bad as anywhere else. And being an outsider, they felt I was a taker and did not know the service I had provided for many years. The new Bishop went so far as to call my prior 3 Bishops, the Stake Pres. , my husband and my adult daughter. He did not take my temple recommend to mean anything. When he was done (a month later of me and my daughter sleeping on the floor and no bed) he concluded that I was telling the truth. He told me that he had no HT/VT in his ward either and RS worked and came by 1 time. I came back to worse than when I left but with my energy, mental fog, etc I could not go it alone. I had so looked forward to all the wonderful plays etc and disappointed to leave. Carole

Thank you for your kind words and understanding. Today my neighbor told me that her son sent here a note that stated that if others in someones life CHOSE to no longer be a part of it, it was their choice and they had been a part of it because God put them in my path. That to keep them in my life, or hang on for morsels of kindness and compassion was hindering my progression on a different level and path. My path had taken a turn we did not anticipated at this time, and so I must walk alone and do what the Lord wants until He takes me home. But the choice is now MINE as to I continue to let them drag me down. Only God can help me now, no person, ward, Bishop can change my path, they could make it lighter and easier to bare, but that is not to be yet. So I'm still digesting that and how it feels to be so dependent on the Lord, and not my own strength. Hugs, Carole

I haven't been here for quite a while. I won't go in to all that, just caught up in all the things of the church and life and family. 3 years ago I went to have a physical from a famous hospital. I live in a tiny town and felt at 60 I should get a baseline on my currant health. Long story, short, they discovered I was end stage NASH liver disease. I was so far in to the disease that it was not treatable or transplantable. I was stunned, and the very life litterally seemed to be taken out of me. I left there with no referrals for support or where to get info on liver disease. Our entire state does not have a liver doctor, there are no support groups for this. I looked for 3 yrs to find a group or even a counselor, to whom I could express my feelings and anger, without offending anyone. I could not find any at all. There is for the family left behind, but not for the one leaving the family. The following are/were my expectations, I'd like to know if they were/are unreasonable? 1. The first thing is I went to the Bishop an Stake Pres. Both were verbally suportive, the Pres. passed it to the Bishop, telling him I was to have the best HT/VT in the ward. 3 yrs later, and I have had no visitors, no sacrament brought to me (I am unable to attend church or activities now)even when requested. -The Bishop finally told me that he couldn't provide them because there were none, our ward was basically NOT DOING ANY VT/HT. 2. My family fell apart as their true concern was money, inheritance, etc. My husband of 44 yrs also turned his back on me, even stating "You aren't dying fast enough." We now live apart, and he pays for my apt. but there is no love there anymore. -family has been asked to assist me in cleaning and getting to appts and they just ignore the request. They don't say no, they just don't. -I've asked for memories of their childhood to put in a book, again, yes they said, and didn't. -I do not get visits even from family. 3. I am not allowed to drive, and where I live there is only 1 active family. The bldg is abt. 12 miles away, on a crooked and deserted road. Not something I could manuver if I wanted with my illness. -I've asked for rides to the temple, but I never know when they are. -I've asked for help in downloading my genealogy to family search (my hard drive died so I have to redo the discs). No response at all. -After this conference abt reactivating people, and reaching out to the disabled etc. I wrote a letter to the Bishop and expressed my hurt that everyone must think I'm invisible or already dead, why else would no compassionate service be rendered in 3 yrs? I so hoped and prayed for understanding an conversation to open up. But it didn't happen. -Recently I saw the pictures from the Fall dinner, and mentioned I would like to have come. It was as if I wrote in invisible ink, not a word of kindness or anything came my way. I could go on, but you get the picture. I was very activie and loved doing compassionate service, and food storage etc. So it isn't because they are upset at my previous lack of service. The RS Presi. is my doctors receptionist, and she knows this. The missionaries go to the nearby nursing home twice a week, they did visit, but just one time and my hopes for a visit from HT or Bishop didn't happen. The anger I feel at everyone and my disease are taking control. The world is evil and most everyone I know is a hypocrit (me too). My Grandaughter got her mission call today and called to tell me where. I pretended I felt joy, etc for her. But I didn't in my heart. The spirit in me is gone, I can't go to church where they have been so cold and unconcerned. i see satan has full control of most everything and everyone, and I have great fear of the kind of death OBAMA wants for the elderly and disabled. I have nothing to look forward as I no longer believe a lot of LDS beliefs, nor do I want to. I am back to where Joseph was told "No church is true." I think we have gone full circle. So I fear dying, because I have no longer a belief system, or a support system from family or church. So before I take off my temple garments, I thought I'd reach out one more time. Please do not ask me to study the scriptures, pray etc..I am to heart broken. Carolear PS: Please excuse errors with grammar and spelling, it is part of the disease.

I am sure I read it SOMEWHERE...that the ones who are mentally ill were VALIANT in the fight against satan. So when they came to earth in physical bodies satan would not have so much power and influence over them. I also believe that we chose our own crosses to bear in this lifetime. I'm not good at finding quotes..perhaps someone can help me out here? Hugs Carole who suffers from depression.

Hi, I've been married 40 yrs with 5 adult children and 21 grandbabies. If you saw us at church you might even wish you had my kind of marriage. We are HS sweethearts. However, sometime ago we became more roomates than a married couple. No hugs, kisses, talking, etc. I went and saw the movie FIREPROOF last week and I now have hope that I can find the love and caring that USED to be in our marriage. It is based on a couple on the verge of divorce. He talks to his Dad who challenges him to do a 'dare to love' book first. It basically gets him to realize that his marriage is what he puts into it. I don't want to give it all away..but it is a MUST see for everyone. It is a Christian based story, no sex or swearing. I wish the LDS had made one for us! Please go see this movie, it changed my future! Hugs Carole:D

I saw this Christian movie. It is not LDS, but it is something I'm going to do with my husband of 40 yrs! It starts with a couple whose marriage is falling apart. There is no sex or swearing etc in this movie. The name is FIREPROOF with Kirk Cameron. But If I could I would make it mandatory for anyone getting married or divorced see before they make the final decision. I know it has given me a totally new outlook and hope where there was none. Carole:)