Hiker104

Thank you for your comments. I guess I have always viewed a testimony of "knowing" not necessarily believing. I mean we always see people get up during fast and testimony meeting and speak a resounding "I know" after every principle of the church. I guess I will just try to slowly work my way from hoping it is true, to believing it is true, to hopefully someday knowing it is true.

Hi, I am 18 years old and live in Utah county and have been LDS all my life. I decided that before i went on my mission i would learn for myself if the church is true. I have read the BOM once and also listened to it on tape also. I didn't think it would happen but I am having major doubts about the church now. I haven't received any revelation or answers about the church or about Joseph Smith and the BOM. Ive been searching for 5 weeks now and i haven't come up with anything except more doubts and more questions. I know to recieve the spirit you need to be living the gospel and to want to know with a sincere heart and am trying my best to accomplish both of those. I am not quite sure what to expect as an answer. By no means do I expect an angel to come floating into my room and tell me its true or anything like that and to tell you the truth Im not quite what to expect. Everyone always talks about a burning in the bosom, they felt peaceful about it etc. but so far I don't think I have felt either of those. I am feeling a lot of pressure to just go and serve a mission and know that if i don't i will probably lose a lot of friends and let down my family, but i refuse to serve due to social pressure, which if you have ever lived in Utah county is gigantic and guys who do not serve are considered to either have committed a grave sin and cannot go or just want to go live a sinful life, neither of which is me. I cannot tell people that something is true and convert them to it when I am unsure of that very thing myself. I cannot lie to myself and others, which is why I feel like I need to gain a testimony of it for myself. I have no problem serving a mission in fact i have all the money saved for it its just I can't bring myself to go and teach something I don't fully believe in. I haven't discredited or decided that the church is 100% false or anything like that and will continue to try to get an answer on whether its true or not but I am very discouraged at the moment and unsure what to do. I guess I am just afraid that I won't ever receive anything at all and be left in this state of bouncing back and forth wondering if it is really a divinely inspired church, or if that we are just alone on this planet and that this is it. Can anyone offer my any advice if they have gone through the same thing? Thanks