Well, I am not sure where to begin it is a long but in essence short story. I was married barely over a year ago in the temple to a great man. We met just before his mission and were engaged two weeks after he came home and married a month later. During the time he was gone I made a mistake and repented (I am a convert).
This year has been the hardest time of my life. The day. before we got married he almost backed out and I am pretty sure I talked him back into it. I went to the temple crying because I did not know if he would be there He was not sure if he could fully trust me after I broke up with him and did what I did while he was gone. Our marriage was an uphill battle since the day we married. A week after we married we were FIGHTING and I was told by him he never wanted to marry me. This never went away. We argue so much, we argue about arguing. He would called me names and a few times got physical. It always went back to my mistake and how I ruined things. I have even left the house threatening never to comeback, that is how bad the fights got. I had my problems in the marriage too. I yell more and am more vocal about feelings. We never talked about certain things and this has created a problem. He expected me to quit school follow him to byu and start having kids and I saw it differently. Not to mention inlaws... He ended up joinging the army a few monthes ago. I never had an affair (by that I hope you know what I mean) but I found solace in another man. I guess my marriage left me feeling empty. No excuse though. I still have not moved to where he is. He says he is sorry but everytime a discussion does not go his way he says this is not what he wants either. It is repetition with us. We say we want to work and I will come down there and then we fight and he says he does not want this. I feel like I only bring out the worse in him and we cannot make eachother happy. We have had our good times but many bad.
I am not sure going down there is going to fix anything. I am scared to go down there. My marriage is not fun. He is my best friend though and I do love him but I feel this is not working. I am afraid of divorce. I am already emabarrassed to go to my home ward (members saw me out with the guy friend). I have not been to church in weeks and my husband just told me he started looking at pornography. Sorry to make this so long but I have no idea what to do and the only family I have is his family and it is too hard to talk to them. My family are not members.
