LDSCanadian

Thank you everyone for your advice and support. It is most helpful to me. I should seek out my bishop, but to be perfectly honest the thought almost teriffies me. I feel ashamed of the things I have done, and to put them to voice makes them truely real and they can not be hidden away in the corner with a sheet over it depending on what company is around. I can not recall the scripture but in essance it speaks of when we come to kneel before Christ are we going to be able to look up at him or will our eyes be cast down because we are too ashamed to face Him and look up at Him. That is about how I feel. I feel greatly ashamed to go before the bishop and that seems great enough, but the thought of how I am before Heavenly Father can't be put into words. To put it simply I'm scared, that not lightly said few things bring this level of fright into me, though spiders do come close lol (sorry after being so serious a little lightness was needed.) Thank you everyone for your words and encouragment.

I have been an in-active member for several years now and have not followed the commandments or lead a spititual life. I have struggled with the Word of Wisdom and become addicted to tobacco, alcohol, and drugs. I have overcome my addiction to alcohol and drugs, though I have not yet been able to stop using tobacco. I wish to turn away from that way of life and return to the Church. I wish to truely make a repentance and seek Heavenly Fathers forgivness for the things I have done; though honestly I don't really know how, how I may truely do this. I feel that I can not return until I have freed myself from my past ways and thoughts, and am again worthy to be a member and partake in the Sacrement. I feel I am at constant struggle with my faith and my desire to believe. I have been reading my scriptures to help strengthen my faith and testimony, however I find it difficult to bring myself to prayer. I feel Heavenly Father will not hear my words because my mind and spirit are clouded by my immorality by not following His teachings and commandments. I know it is in these times moreso then ever that we need to turn to Heavenly Father in thoughtful prayer, yet I still struggle with this. I would like to thank you for taking the time to read this and would be most greatful for any help or advice anyone here may give me. Thanks again, best wishes.