Good_Days_Last

Fear has a decent grip on me at times. I am afraid of a lot things. I'm afraid of letting everyone around me down due to making a decision that doesn't line up with how they pictured me. I'm afraid of failing, of making that leap or taking that first scary step only to find there was nothing to be afraid of at all. I couldn't tell you how I got this way but it's frustrating. I feel like all eyes are on me at times and that every wrong move or wrong thought will condemn me. That I'm always under the scrutiny of being judged over one or two small things I've done. I don't doubt that God is watching over me. I don't doubt this church at all. I think I just doubt myself in being able to fully understand the gospel and not appreciating it when it does come to help me.

Thanks to everyone that has put their 2 cents in. I really do appreciate the opinions coming in. My dad served in the Navy for 20 years and I know that it's a hard life with a family. The government does do a lot to help out but it can't replace the father figure in the household. I've tried convincing myself that I could join the Navy and still be a shining light for those that may not be making the best life decisions while in service. But then I look at myself and sometimes I can see myself being strong in everything the church teaches and sometimes I see myself becoming a far worse person for it. I have actually looked at the AF and Navy's websites and have made a couple lists with only the jobs that interest me. I wouldn't want to be stuck doing something for a 4 years that I don't want to do at such a pivotal time in life. I definitely do my homework on things that I'm really interested in. It's just ridiculous how much I want to make "the only right decision there is". Meaning, I don't want to be the screwup that took the wrong path and ended up horribly lost.

It's that time of my life to decide to do something, I guess I need some opinions. Here's my deal: I've been a member of the LDS church since I was 8. I'm now 20 years old (21 in March) and it's about time I did something with my life. I graduated high school in 2006 and promptly went to college for the 2006-07 school year. I failed miserably and bombed lots of classes. I escaped with 11 credits out of a possible 30 I could've earned over the course of the year. During my time at college, I found it harder to go to church and institute. I had numerous social and girl setbacks. Just a very hard time on myself. I returned home after that year, beaten and down on myself. I reached my lowest point shortly thereafter by returning to work at a Family Fun Center where the majority of the kids working there were middle and high schoolers. It was a terrible job. Luckily my mom found me a job working full time with the hospitals up here as a courier. I've been happily doing this job and earning twice what I was before. It's now been close to two years since I stopped going to college. I've thought about several options for my life but a lot of my thinking has revolved around the LDS church and what kind of effects my faith experience with various career opportunities. I''m the kind of guy that wants to make everyone around me proud of me. I want to do what they want me to do. I know that kind of thinking has held me back numerous times. I've definitely felt all the pressures about serving an LDS mission, but I'm not quite there in the "moral department". I've never had my Patriarchal blessing and I haven't been ordained and elder yet either. I almost joined the Army last month, but backed out at the last minute. I come from a military family and it's definitely something I want to do sometime. And yet, I feel like I would be a supreme disappointment to my family if I didn't serve a mission. I just don't think I can control myself to the point of getting there. I worry that I won't be able to find a worthy LDS wife or that I won't be able to take her to the temple. I apologize about the novel, but this is and has been the foremost thing on my mind since at least July. Do I try and see if I should serve a mission? Do I look into joining the Air Force or Navy? Do I keep dragging my feet at home and see if I can get back to college? Maybe I can get some insight from those that have been in my position about the military or serving a mission.

Thanks guys :) Yep. Red rock for everybody! One of the most beautiful places I've lived besides San Diego.

Chargers fan here Go Ravens! I don't like the Titans at all. Plus, if the Bolts happen to win their game and the Ravens do too, the AFC championship will be in glorious San Diego :)

I happen to use the word fail numerous time whilst chatting away online. In my mind, fail = wrong. "Man, you pretty much failed." "Yeah, oh well. Better luck next time, eh?" I guess it's a generational thing :)

Hi everyone. I found this site awhile ago, and I used to lurk and post. And it's certainly gotten an upgrade in the looks department since I last visited. Luckily I was able to find this place again, since I enjoyed reading the various topics and getting some answers while here. I'm 20 years old and a lifelong member (well, since 8, but you know the drill) currently living in Saint George, Utah. I haven't been really ACTIVE for at least a couple years. Just a couple rough years right there, but now I'm starting to get a few things into order. I look forward to posting here and getting to know all of you. Lord knows I need to re-freshen my perspective towards the church. I've definitely blurred the line between Jesus Christ's true church and the social circus I've come to portray it as. -- Ryan