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Thanks for the comments everyone, I'll check out the book that was suggested for sure. As a female there are things about males that I can never understand fully because it is impossible for me to experience what they experience. I honestly don't think that my son has been exposed to anything bad, but has learned this simply from the reactions of his own body. I do think he might be genetically geared with a stronger motor though if that makes sense? We are going to fast together this Sunday, and go through the repentance process. As a convert, I wish I had understood what repentance really was before I took the dunk, he is preparing for baptism, and faith and repentance are the preparatory steps that are supposed to be taken prior to that ordinance. if converts are supposed to repent, I'm not sure why 7yo's would not need to understand and do this? I don't think the second you turn 8 you are magically able to start sinning - I think accountability is a gradual process, and that by the time you are 8 most have come to a point where they understand right from wrong etc. etc. (Bible Dictionary | R Repentance:Entry) Repentance. The Greek word of which this is the translation denotes a change of mind, i.e., a fresh view about God, about oneself, and about the world. I like the bible dictionary statement about repentance, that it is not some shameful/humiliating thing, but rather turning around to a new perspective/understanding of things. I really do love my son, it really did hurt to discipline him like that. Different kids require different methods, I honestly think he would have ignored/brushed off/made a joke out of anything that was less severe. I'm hoping that he has finally understood how serious it is to respect our own and others temple. We'll go from here, and see how things progress. thanks again for all the good advice.

more background, our son is not just innocently curious, we have had the birds and the bees talk with him on multiple occasions, and have also had the modesty / your body is a temple talk with him on multiple occasions. I felt a more drastic approach was needed this time because this did not happen out of mere curiosity, or in ignorance. I will not punish anyone who acts in ignorance, sorry, I should have clarified that. I'm not sure that love and logic covers serious issues, but I agree with the principle of allowing children to experience the consequences of their actions. The consequence of sexually harassing those around you is pain, losing your family, and isolationism. I wanted my son to experience what that meant for a time, and it is no idle threat. If this continues as he grows older I will not sacrifice the safety of my daughters for him. It would break my heart, but I will not allow it my home. I talked with him after school, affirmed that yes, he knew that what he was doing was wrong, and he knew why it was wrong, but could not give me an answer as to why he was doing it. I made him talk to his dad about it, again, explained the repentance process to him, and we are all going to fast on Sunday over this. Some might think that punishment (spanking, yelling, threatening) will lead to insecurity/rebellion/seeking love in all the wrong places etc. etc. I believe, and have witnessed, that avoidance/downplaying/coddling leads to a flippant/mocking/everything is a joke / it's no big deal attitude that hurts not only the victim but the molester. I believe the seriousness of the sin warranted the response that I gave, and do not think it is child abuse to spank and yell at your son for molesting your daughter. She was trapped in her closet this morning, yelling "no, no, no" over and over again at him as he stood at the closet door. I want her to know that she is worth protecting, no matter who is barging through her door. I love my son, it hurt to have to yell at him, and hurt to have to spank him. The yelling and spanking was done deliberately, not in an act of losing my temper. It was hard not to give him a hug, or say goodbye this morning when I left them all at school, but he needed to understand that those actions end in broken families, and isolationism.

my little son (7yo) has become a peeping Tom (he has sisters) and I am having a hard time knowing how to deal with it. I've spanked him, yelled at him, went pretty postal on him, and this is still happening. I've told the girls not to go to the bathroom or change unless their door is locked etc. etc. but then I catch him looking under the crack in their door... this morning we had another incident, I spanked him, yelled at him, told him I was not going to allow him to be in our home anymore, that he was not allowed to talk to or be around his sisters anymore. There is some bad stuff i our fam around this, and I will not allow this to happen within our home. I'm not interested in hearing from anyone who is going to say "he's just 7, he'll grow out of it, don't be so hard on him..." because you have obviously not been in a domestic situation with molestation going on. I'm interested in hearing from others who understand the dangers, and know of ways to stop this before it escalates any more. thank you for your advice.

I don't know if anyone remembers this thread, but I went out and did it - I now look normal, and it feels good to look normal. reading through some of the marriage threads, seeing why people break up, thinking about how fragile it can be - I thought if there was something more I could have done and I did not do it? I could never forgive myself.... is it superficial? vain? If your partner were 400 pounds overweight, or if ____________ fill in the blank.... we always say things like "focus on what is inside" and that is true, but there is definitely a physical part of us too - we are not just spiritual beings down here, we are spirit + body, only a spirit + body receives a fullness of joy... so far, it has made a difference - he has no issues performing with me anymore, we're together a lot more and that is nice. At times I think it wasn't that big of a deal was it? I don't feel that different - except I'm not so self-conscience anymore, I can stand up straight and not have to worry about anything... my body used to always be somewhere lurking in my thoughts, now I'm not embarrassed about it, so I don't think about it, I just feel normal, and that is good. I prayed about, I don't want to be vain/superficial - I said if the answer is "no, don't do it" then put up road blocks, lots of road blocks - but there were not any road blocks, somehow the money was there, schedule cleared up miraculously, friends willing to watch the kids, and I have healed faster than I am supposed to have healed... if I did not do it, part of me would always be fighting with the idea, so just do it and get it over with right? Only one friend, and my husband know, no one has looked strangely at me anymore, if anything I feel like less people take notice / look at me now, perhaps because I don't look strange anymore? but just look like a normal person? and that is nice. Anyways, not to influence anyone else to do this, not really too sure there are others out there who were like me? sometimes we beat ourselves up so much about not being vain etc. etc. ? I don't know... anyways, just an update, crazy as that is.

I do try to be good about making home stress-free for him (I'm a big fan of "http://www.amazon.com/Proper-Care-Feeding-Husbands/dp/0060520612" The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" and other ideas like that as an example. I make sure the kids greet him at the door, thank him for his hard work - I'm not the best cook, but I try, and do have dinner on the table (even though I work evenings and it can be hard to shuffle it all - but we usually have dinner that I have cooked together) I let him have his "down time" on the computer watching netflix, or playing a game or something - I say "thank you" to him, and really do try to make home a heaven on earth for him because yes, he does have a stressful job - I've even told him he can quit his job, we can move somewhere cheaper, I don't need a bunch of $, I don't care where we live/work etc. etc. and I really don't... it's hard for me to "dress sexy"... we have swapped / talk about what we like etc. etc. but I do think it is awkward for him, as well as for me... ok, I now feel like I've been obsessing over this too much - I do want to thank everyone for their input, and I am going to try and work on that self-esteem thing.... but really how do you do that? I think in order to feel like you are worth something, you have to be worth something - so you have to go out and work, and create something worth while... I really do try to be a good mom and wife - I actually gave up quite a lot (a big career etc. etc.) to do the mom thing... try to do stuff for church, do lots of volunteer work, get involved in the community, politically active, etc. etc. I do some stuff for me too - reading/exercising/out with friends/music stuff.... I'm not sure what else to do, think positive thoughts I guess - compared to where I was, life is pretty good, I need to be more thankful for what I have... I guess I lived being insecure/hurt for so long, old habits die hard - I need to let some things go and redefine myself.... thanks again!

Thanks for all the comments everyone! on my way to the temple this morning, that always helps me get thoughts straightened out... I brought the whole breast thing up after he was unable to perform with me ... I thought he would be a little hesitant when I brought it up ... he seemed relieved/excited when I suggested it he did say it was my choice etc. etc. ... I agree, I don't want it to be about lust, but I want to be more than just his friend - more than just a sister - I want to be his wife, and I want to feel like a girl.

yes, they have a word for men, but not for women... yes, I had to have special PPI's before I could be baptized etc. etc. it didn't really sink in until I had kids though, after I finally figured out what a family is all about, what kids are all about, I went through a repentance process (that started with a bishop asking everyone for their personal histories for a genealogy project... I turned mine in like everyone else, and then got called in... I'm not sure it's really something that you ever forgive yourself for, beyond the veil I will have to be forgiven by the one whom I killed, that's who is really going to have to forgive me... according to wiki (don't go to the article btw as it has picts on it) "According to a study by Figueroa-Hass,[23] improvements in women's self-esteem and sexual satisfaction were directly attributed to their breast augmentation. Patients aged 21 to 57 years old showed an average increase in self-esteem from 20.7 to 24.9 on the 30-point Rosenberg scale. Further to the increase in self-esteem, a 78.6 percent increase was noted in sexual desire." [23] Plastic Surgery Helps Self-Esteem | Psych Central News “So much attention is directed to men’s sexuality issues; we have all seen countless commercials on drugs and therapy devoted to improving men’s sexuality. Unfortunately, very little is discussed regarding women’s sexuality issues,” Figueroa-Haas said. ... “Nurses should display compassion and understand an individual’s reason for seeking cosmetic surgery instead of dismissing or stereotyping these patients. This study shows that there are genuine psychological improvements that follow plastic surgery, and these issues must be understood and respected." we would like to think these things do not impact us, but they do... thanks!

Just one more little blurb for others out there who have struggled with porn… strange as it might seem, his porn issues have actually helped us become closer because through this thing we are now more open around one another, if his issues had not come out, then neither would mine have… my dad has talked with me about some of my mom’s issues – in their marriage, they have never talked to one another, nor would he dare talk to her about some things – there are things about my mom that I know, that my dad does not… amazing to be married to someone for so long and know so little. I look at our genealogies, these repeating patterns – there are some parts of this huge long chain I so want to break… other parts of our chain I so want to keep… there is good in everyone, and messed up stuff in everyone… if someone is humble and willing to repent, going through something hard, can bring you so much closer to one another… To try and redeem myself, to outsiders, and so I now look like the perfect molly Mormon – perfect family, “how do you get your kids to sit so nicely during sacrament meeting?” - Kind of a family – if they only knew… how many perfect families aren’t really perfect? I have cleaned myself up, try to walk the walk, listen/learn/do… the other day dealing with a situation someone said “people like you (perfect life etc.) don’t understand people like us (someone dealing with mental health + some other issues)… I could not tell them I wasn’t one of the ‘perfect’ ones but it took me back, being classified as that now, my life had always been so messed up, and now I’m one of the ‘perfect’ ones? I’m in this church because God put me here – in my blessing ‘it is not by accident that you are in the position that you find yourself” after all that I have done, God caused that I was baptized – and He did… I’m not here because I studied/prayed/searched – I’m here because God picked me up screaming and shouting and placed me here… I’m still not sure why He did that… you can know something is true, but where you fit into it? I know physics is true, but does that mean I should devote my life to studying physics? True – vs. – be a part of it… I would so love to be a part of it, though I don’t deserve it, and never could… I would love to be the perfect family, the perfect woman/mother/wife – strong, confident, etc. etc. I work towards being perfect – ‘be ye therefore perfect’ … even if I’m never perfect, I can at least bury myself in working towards it – work does take one’s mind off of things…

It would be in order to be female - not even to look good, just so I could be female... have that as part of my identity. When we were sealed in the temple we were sealed with the Spirit - in my patriarchal blessing - he's the one I'm supposed to be with for eternity. He's been doing good with things lately, but I assume it will always be a temptation/struggle... I'm not perfect either - I had an abortion, shedding of innocent blood - killed my own child, so whatever anyone else does it will always pale in comparison to my own blood stained robes... we each have things to make us humble... weakness made strong? can you ever put the past behind? do I deserve to try and make myself normal, or should I accept things the way God made me? I've lived without God, it almost killed me - I don't want to return... I want to follow God's will... wish I knew God's will on everything...

ok - if I put on an "A" bra (the smallest one) I don't fill it - there is no reason for me to wear a bra (I wear one for the padding, only for the padding) If I stand up straight, completely flat. I have tried gaining weight, did not work - I could make milk with kids, but oddly still flat. If I gain weight / lose weight - lose enough weight and my rib cage sticks out in front of my stomach which gives me a little but more of an hour-glass shape... but I am a eunuch.. not just me, my mom... my daughters too perhaps (depending on which side of the gene pool they get) so what I do, I worry about my mom - her insecurities and what she will think, my daughters... could be big pressure on them - which I don't want it to have anything to do with them, but obviously we are all connected to one another, and I do have to face what I do will influence them.

I know, his addiction came before me... but I can be there for him to help him - would fixing myself help him or hurt him? make everything about lust? or would it help connect us? physical intimacy is very big in marriage in helping to connect people - but it has to be a connection of spirit/heart/soul - not just a physical connection - not just lust.... I don't know... does it have nothing to do with me? when you are married, everything is connected, I don't know that there is anything that 'has nothing' to do with the other... one flesh and all that, everything is connected...

here's another scripture: (Old Testament | Proverbs 5:19) 19 Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love. I know, everyone gets old, looks are not everything... but there is a certain responsibility in a marriage to make yourself presentable for your spouse... I mean you don't just let yourself go - part of the reason we come to Earth is to gain a body, and learn how to use it, this means keeping yourself physical fit, fasting - learning self-control... not taking it to extremes obviously (BMI should be above 18.5) but this body thing is part of what it is all about... joy can only be full when spirit + body are inseparably connected etc. etc. how Satan's minions are not able to have bodies and that is a horror to them... there is a difference between obsessing over cloths/makeup/hair/being modest vs. just trying to be physically fit / eating healthy food etc. etc. but then where is line between fixing crooked teeth - something that is good vs. something that is mutilating God's temple? and why is that people think nothing of fixing bad teeth (teeth that could be strong, and perfectly able to chew food) and yet for breast implants most consider it to be vain/horrid? where is the line... not that repulsive? considering that all some guys need is their hand, the ability to have kids does not mean you are beautiful... really, it's not just about being beautiful though - it's about being female - I want to be a female, not just 1/2 female... gender is such a huge thing within the church, different roles, different classes to go to - and part of gender identity is in physical attributes... I mean if a girl is rough/tuff/non-nurturing I think people in the church would ask her to change - to try and be more "motherly" soft/kind etc. etc. I feel a strong push to try and make myself more feminine... mostly this is what it is about - with or without his issues, I just want to be a female... I want to be female, but I want 'love' not 'lust' from my husband... I need to figure this out for my children - for my girls too, because they might be facing some of the same issues as me, and I need to know what is best to do...

once we were told by a stake pres that we needed to 'sport' with one another, that this would help alleviate some things... Genesis 26:8...and, behold, Isaac was sporting with Rebekah his wife. we are designed for sex, we crave it, we need it - it just seems like it would be easier for him if you know, I could be there for him... but then I don't know how it all works for him. As part of the porn-group we did go a month without anything... I'm not sure that it helped or not? part of it is self-control, part of it though - ...

I actually really love that movie - my mom is a bit of a feminist, mulan spent a bit of her life as a "guy" and I feel like I have spent a bit of my life as a 'guy' too... trying to please a feminist mother = being a bit of a man....

thanks everyone - no I don't have a harry chest, I am strong - so let's just say I have a 'muscular' chest ... I do think back to when I was a teen/early twenties... insecurity led me to drugs / unhealthy relationships / abortion / hell.... it's hard to unravel it all, where it all came from etc. etc... I wasn't raised in the church, part of me thinks "if only I had been in the church, known something about God, if I wasn't deformed none of this would have happened"... the other part of me thinks "if you were in the church, and you were not deformed, then you would be in worse shape then you are now, because you would have done all the same stuff only you would not be - innocent through ignorance - and you prob would have been worse - became a prostitute or something - if you actually had something up there... so not having anything actually tamed you down a bit...' I see my daughters and worry for them, my son too... one daughter is sooper shy and sooper concerned about pleasing everyone (which is good and bad, makes me worry about her not getting used by guys) another daughter is very flamboyant/manipulative - she gets what she wants from people which is good she has a backbone, but can have it's drawbacks too... my son is pretty easy going laid back little guy, doing great in school, seems to be the most well adjusted of all of us so far... each kid is different... there are some things that it is good to be open about with everyone, and others that are not... I do not want to know all the gory details about what my husband has done because I don't want those images in my head... I told him to tell me when he is struggling, but that is all I want to hear - just say "I'm struggling right now" that's it, that's enough right? I have talked to him about getting the surgery - part of me wanted him to say "I love you just the say you are honey" part of me really wants the surgery so I wanted him to be ok with it... he is ok with it, but making sure that it is my decision not his, and he did not want to influence it much... something did slip though, I went to one consultation, and let him know the logistics of it - recov time, cost, possible complications etc. etc. and part of it was size - he slipped out 'you might want to consider going larger because you have a larger frame' ... (I'm kind of tall for a girl although I wouldn't say I'm big boned - just tall)... so what do I make of that? does he want me to be a big barbie? I don't have enough skin to even go very big anyways, I am over thinking it, he prob didn't mean anything by that, right? I just want to be a female, have a normal relationship... want that for the kids too.