You know, I read through all of these responses and you have found a great support system. I, too, came on here to get support. To be honest, I have been inactive for 20 years. I just started going back to church again, my husband and family are not interested. As I prayed for help and guidance, this morning, I could not contain my tears. Same situation now as I am typing. And in all this, I feel that there are things that need to be said.
We do not always choose the path that we are on. There is a much greater purpose for every struggle we are faced with. Please trust that this path you are on is one that our Heavenly Father knows you can handle. The fact that you still entertain the idea of making your marriage work, means that you know that the vows you took are that of a lifetime and beyond.
Although what he has done is something that he can never take back, he can be forgiven. By you, himself and our Heavenly Father. Maybe he doesn't remember that. And, regardless of how it came to be, there is a little spirit that will be here soon that may need your help, your love and your example.
I am not trying to be empathetic towards your husband, or the woman he was unfaithful with, but there are reasons behind every action. He most likely does not know why he did what he did. (Adversity will sieze every opportunity it can.) He may not want to go to church because of the shame he feels. Counselling brings more shame. Is it possible that he calls her names because he thinks that is what you want to hear? (It may be a good idea to remind him that she is going to be the mother of his child, forever, and he should respect her as such.) You can help shape the world this child is brought into.
I feel that your role in this overwhelming situation goes much further than just being the wife of a cheating, rude, inconsiderate and confused man. Pray, Pray, Pray!!! The Spirit will continue to guide you.
I hope I have helped.
Best of luck,
Your Sister
