HelpAnon

@ beefche -physically as well.

@ Dravlin - Well, maybe being obtuse might help, who knows? I don't really dwell on why it happened to me. I am just curious about dealing with it so that there aren't any underlying issues in my life. The way I see it, whatever he did, whatever has been done is in the past. That is for he and the Lord to deal with, it's in His hands. For me, I just want to know some things that may help in dealing with it so it doesn't have any adverse effects in my life. I don't really even know how it could even affect my life in the future, or if it already has in other ways. @ Gwen - I hope not, but that never really crossed my mind. I would hope that he has had it worked out with everything he has gone through. But that may not be the best way to deal with it, to idly sit by and hope it doesn't happen. What would you suggest?

In advance, I will warn you, this is a heavy topic. It is something that I haven't ever discussed with anyone regarding sexual abuse and am struggling to know where to turn and what, if anything, I should do about it. I thought I would come here anonymously just to get some advice. To start off, I am a 27 year old male. I grew up in the church, my family has always been active. I grew up in rural Utah and when I was 8-9, my parents went to SLC to attend a concert and I stayed with my aunt, uncle and cousin who lived in the area. My cousin is 2-3 years older than I. While there he sexually molested me. Made me watch pornographic movies, etc. Bad times. I remember almost nothing else, but those memories did stick. I had no idea what it was at the time. I was 9 and had no idea what any of that stuff was. I never told a soul. I pretty much forgot about it. It was just a one time thing thankfully. It came up in my mind rarely over the years, not even when I would see him at reunions and what not would I think about it. He grew up, went on a mission. We even exchanged letters as his mission was winding down, and I was preparing for mine. While on his mission, the last few weeks, he got a lady pregnant and was promptly excommunicated. He now rejoined the church, got married and has a son of his own. Since then, my life has been great! I went on a mission, came back, graduated from college, married in the temple and am now working and enjoying life. Only in the last year have I been looking into my past to heal. I have gone to a therapist and have been diagnosed with ADHD. Knowing that and knowing how my mind works has helped tremendously in my personal and work life. After seeing the results, I am really just curious if that childhood experience is something you just deal with and realize that it is my personal challenge on this earth. Beyond the basic disdain for the actions, I hold no grudges with my cousin or his family. Again, this is something that I have never told anyone. More than anything, where should I go from here? I have never really dealt with anything like this and don't really know how to handle this kind of thing. What have your experiences been regarding any aspect of the processes? Any thoughts you have is greatly appreciated. Thanks for the help, it means a lot to me!