Semperrideo

I have done a lot of wrong things that have pushed her away; suffice it to say this was not my first betrayal (the other was finical) she trusted me and we tried to heal our marriage. The description by soul_seacher is pretty accurate. My first post was pretty much venting I am not sure ... maybe I was hoping people would slam my wife so I could leave her, maybe I just needed to vent ... but in my anger and frustration I only saw (and therefore only wrote) part of the story. I am still trying to figure stuff out. We talked to the Bishop about everything I lost my recommended, nothing happened to my wife ( yes, we talked about her hitting/slapping me Bishop said he didn't blame her). This is the 2nd time I've lost my recommend. My wife said if I lose it 1 more time then we are finished for good-- temple divorce and all. Assuming we make it through this of course. The new DR is helping me be more honest with myself and helping me to get over problems I did not know that I had; I am amazed that my wife has been so tolerant of me for so long. The reality is that I have put her through hell for the several years .The DR said that he thinks I am subconsciously trying to destroy my marriage and I interpret my wife's determination to save it as love for me. Pretty screwed up; I know. I have pushed too far for too long and don't know if she will recover from this one ( if he is right). on a side note .. She loves the kids very much and would never abandon them. She has said that if we divorce she wants full custody. She left the kids that night because she "needed to find a safe place for them and not just drag them around." I do not think she explained it that clearly at the time but I am not certain, I wasn’t exactly in my right mind. Everyday I pray that she will forgive me and be happy, and that I will be the man she thought she married. Thanks again for your ideas and support.

I have been unjust in my depection of my wife.... she hit me when I told her that I was having an affair (I did not clarify that it was emotional). I have gone to another counslor and he has been very insightful; I have a lot to work on. The LDS social service counslors had no concept about what I am and what I am doing. I am not sure why they just glazed over all the things this new guy picks up on. I also failed to mention that she has been asking for divorce for 6 years because she has told me over and over again that i was not meeting her "emotional needs" and that I made her feel like a split between a"hooker and a miad" I guess I should not have ignored her pleas. We are trying to work it out but she does not trust me, everything is extrememly fragile right now.

Thanks for all the advice and prayers. I'm going to give it two months of total commitment. I've broken it off with my coworker. If she hits me again the two months ends then.

Thank you all for your responses and advice. Okay some points of clarification: I like that. The thrill of the hunt. But I'm not looking for variety. The woman at work is very similar to my wife in so many respects. What I crave is attention, affection, and someone who listens to me without argument or being belittled. I wasn't hunting for it, but it showed up anyway. I might be totally blind, prideful, insane and out of touch with reality. She keeps telling me I am. I have been through counseling twice through LDS family services and to my bishop. In counseling it came down to me telling all I was able to tell and the counselors saying I was basically normal and my problems could only be resolved if my wife would come in with me. Her response, "You have the problem. I'm not going to counseling." With the bishop I confessed all of my sins (this was before the affair) and he eventually told me he received revelation that I was forgiven of which I received a personal confirmation. I know divorce is wrong. I don't want it. I can live with the emotional and physical abuse. I think it's less than ideal that my children learn that when you have interpersonal problems the way to deal with them is screaming, fighting, hitting, abandoning etc. So after 5 years of doing what you suggest. Work on myself and hope she'll come around and reciprocate. That is the only option? Wow oops. I definitely don't have the Spirit right now. So I need to repent and get the Spirit back so I can have patience for however long it takes for her to decide to come to the table. I'm sorry my tone is sarcastic. I better take a break. My jaw is still sore. Edit: Okay I've calmed down. I apologize for being so rude and disrespectful. I do appreciate the time you have given me. My rudeness is unjustified. By way of explanation though, it is very difficult for me being in so much pain for years and to hear well just endure to the end. Especially when the end could be an escalation of violence that leads to inordinately traumatic events for my children.

I searched and read through most of the posts on infidelity here. Since nothing is quite comparable to my situation I'm starting a new thread. I am feeling lonely and lost. On monday my wife of 7 years sealed in the temple left our family (5yo son and 2mo baby daughter) saying she was gone forever. She did this even as my son was crying screaming and begging her not to go. She came back later that night and has stayed. The fighting that led up to it hasn't stopped. Last night though she punched me in the jaw hard enough that it's difficult to open my mouth all the way. Obviously it takes two to tango. I'm far from the ideal husband. Here's the part about infidelity. For about four weeks now I've been having an emotional affair with a woman from work. She says everything I have wanted to hear from my wife for about 7 years. I know it's wrong, and she really has very little to offer. But what she does give me is what I've craved for a very long time, and which my wife has openly said she is unwilling and even unable to give. So, I'm trying to figure out if my wife is destructive enough to warrant ending it. She has been asking for divorce on and off for about 6 years. I've been trying to keep it together for the kids. And yes, I know it was cruel and wrong to bring another child into this, but that can't be helped now. She refuses to see the bishop because she has been burned by bishops (yes plural) who don't keep confidence. And she refuses to see a counselor because she says I am the one who needs to get fixed. I don't see too many options. Maybe one of you has something.