xoomer
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Posts posted by xoomer
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So, some of you may remember me for some "interesting" Problems I had. well, that's pretty much dealt with. but I lost track of the church, and because of work (What an Excuse) Started skipping, I have not been to my ward for over a year. In November I quit my job to pursue another Career and now have Sundays off. I've been to one meeting where I wandered in Quite unprepared to be at church (I was a ride in a ward far far away)
So enough of the typing and telling of the story My question is How does one get back on the right track? I finally managed to give up smoking, I'm following the WoW and I just need to get back into going to service and having Sunday being Gods day.
Can I have some Advice?
X
Normandy Park, Washington
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And inside my mail is a credit card. I got a Credit card, from the same company that I Bankrupted less than a year ago, I had to file for Bankruptcy because of medical issues, and the card was included. I'm glad that I got a Credit card so I can Start building my credit. But I'm trying to be responsible, And tips, As I do need to rebuild my credit- I'm not trying to be super credit boy.. but It would be nice to be able to buy a newer car if I wanted too, or a new computer on credit... So any advice on credit stuff would be great.
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Spoke to my Bishop today. He talked to me about what would have happened if I had been a M. priesthood holder, and he told me that I need to think about it, and he also gave me advice about what to do. And the words that he gave me, were the same as I had come to think, Trust. I can't go into a marriage without trust. I told him, my plan. Was to slow it down. and try and see if I could rebuild the trust, and see if there was a chance. I'm not gonna run away but I will walk and see what happens. I also Got A hair cut...
But he also told me that I should go to the Des Moines Ward for sacrament because It is at 9. and ours it at 11 so at least that solves that problem.
now if only I can get to ward coordination and meet with the missionaries and quit smoking. and and and and
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John doe. Love your XKCD Avatar... Although longer I would like to use the Dear God, YES MY CHILD? I would like to file a bug report
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There was this Lady at my ward, about my age who had just converted. I liked her quite a bit. before all of this.
Hmm...
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Hey all,
As most of you know I have been going through some tough times lately. and I have been tempted to break the words of wisdom, although I have broken one, I started smoking again. I have however vowed not to break the other words of wisdom, I need help getting back on track, I think part of my problem is my current work situation that keeps me away from pretty much all of the church activities. (My boss isn't willing to work with me on this) I have prayed and prayed and read scriptures for that feeling that I had prior to joining the church, that got me to quit in the first place. I don't know what to do. I'm back up to a pack a day. It hurts that I can't even follow the basic of commandments.
Any advice would be appreciated
BTW: I have smoked since I was 13, and my parents smoked my entire life. so its really hard.
Along with everything else in my life, 2009 was a crappy year except for my baptism. I'm praying for a good 2010
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Thanks for Serving, Hopefully I will have the chance to serve again, and get to the sand pit, 7 years in and no deployment,
I can't give any advice on a partner joining the church.
Hijack.. WHAT is with the green jello? end hijack
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My bishop has not gotten back to me on this subject. I talked to him. he told me he would call me.
I am leaning strongly towards walking away. I am afraid to be alone. I don't do well. I'm thinking about re-enlisting in the military. My career is going no where, and my country is all I have. I've given my country a good portion of my life. (reserve time) and it will take my mind of some of the crappy things that have happened.
I have had bad relationship after bad relationship. I end up going for girls with kids. and I end up being dad. I'm thinking that its time for me to just give up. I don't know.
I guess I'm rambling.
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Just got done talking to her, She was crying the entire time. She didn't tell me because she was afraid. afraid that I would leave her. The babies due date is April 27th. She wants me there. she thought about abortion when she found out it wasn't mine because she didn't want to scare me away. But then she decided that she couldn't do that because that would make me mad. and definitely leave her. I asked her if she had been reading the BOM that I sent her and she told me yes. I asked her if she would go to services for me, while in Paris and she agreed.
So, after actually talking to her for about an hour. We came to a partial decision. That we would take our time. I would come visit a couple more times. we would continue to talk on a regular basis, and that things aren't the same. But it doesn't make a difference to me weather the kid is mine or not. She came clean to me. she told me why and she lied.
I'm not happy about the situation. But I still Really care about her. the advice I have gotten on this board has been a huge help in letting me handle this, I told her that this does change things. but I still have feelings for her. I don't know yet if I'm gonna marry her. I don't know yet if It will even work out. but I'm gonna give it a shot, She was sincere today when I talked to her. She was crying most of the time.
Only God knows what happens from here.
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!!! FROM HOLIDAY LOVE, HOME REALITY!!!! AND SOME FACTS YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT LIFE IN PARIS! THERE RED FLAGS RED FLAGS ALL OVER THIS SITUATION. PLEASE READ!!
I want to share my own life experience I've had. From one young person to another.
Being a new member since July 09, I've had my own experience of "holiday love" prior to becoming a member.
I met a german guy, and fell in love with him after knowing him after 2 weeks (same as you) - I was very young and naive! I thought he was perfect, he was very handsome, intelligent, an architecture student like me, previously was a joiner (cabinet maker). He had designed and made some of his own beautiful furniture. He was romantic and sweet and I thought "This guy is THE ONE".
I went back home, we took our relationship to the next level. We wrote each other and kept in contact. There were no babies involved. Just one naive girl in love with some good looking smart german guy.
I was convinced I was in love. 3 years on....he decided to come out to Australia.
I thought, he's the one, I'm going to marry the guy, we're both going to be architects, it's going to be great living together with a guy like him..... The truth and reality were very far away.
Without telling the whole story... (and if you want to know the whole story I will gladly share it with you).
This guy didn't come to Australia primarily for me. But he pretended he was. He was running from his own troubles in Germany, where he suffered mental health issues - paranoyer. Life was not so "sweet for him in germany, and he thought Australia was his answer" He NEVER told me the truth about his mental health condition the whole 3 years before he came to Australia, actually there were LOTS of serious things I didn't know about him like, he used to be a drug addict, used very hard drugs in the past.
Without going into all the details, my advice is: You NEVER truly know someone just because you met them in person once. There is a difference between "holiday love" and "home love"
Just because you have regular email and speak to them all the time. The reality of a 'long distance relationship' is that you do not truly know them until you have spent time with them and had the chance to get to know them in person properly.
The problem is that you only get to know them in a "controlled" manner. People choose how they want to convey themself to you, what information they tell you and what information they DON'T tell you. Think of 'distance' (and the fact you only knew your girl 2 weeks) as a filter or a mask over a picture (not a face mask), just a layer which reveals some of the picture and obsecures other parts.
YOU DO NOT HAVE A FULL PICTURE ON THIS GIRL AT ALL!!!!
No matter how many times you speak to her or her family on the phone, see her on web cam. That is the blunt and honest truth.
You're view on this girl, and the reality of your situation is a HIGHLY RISKY one.
I'm an Australian living in europe. I have a lot of friends in europe and in Paris in particular.
This girl is already sending alarm bells ringing to me. A "parisian" who can't speak fluent french means she is not a French Citizen. It means she may be staying in France illegally. If not she is a student or she has a work visa (which I find hard to believe).
If she is a student, how does she support herself. What is she studying? It's highly uncommon for Phillapino people to go abroad and study because The Phillapines is a very poor country, not too many people can afford to be international students. Studying in France would be a heck of a lot more expensive than studying in Australia (which is closer). College/ univeristy fees are A LOT higher in France and the cost of living in Paris is phenominal, even compared to the rest of eruope. A coffee costs 4 euro. That's four times the price in Australia! AND France uses the euro which is almost worth double the Australian dollar. How a Phillapino family could afford to send their daughter to France for university I'm not so sure about. Either her family are superduper wealthy over there, or .... I don't know. Maybe she isn't even studying. I'm just assuming.
What I'm getting at is, she might not have a legal visa to be in France, hardly speaks fluent french how does she work, because you need a visa and VERY good french to work in Paris. It's even difficult for fluent english speakers to get a job there.
There is high unemployment in Paris at the moment. My french friends who lost their jobs in the economic crisis only just found jobs again after many many months. At least they are french citizens and receive some unemployment benefits. How does a girl who is not french, doesn't speak good french live in Paris?
The reality of your situation is, you will never know EVERYTHING you need to know about her or her family just through phone calls and writing to each other. And the other word for this is "DELUSION". The way YOU see this person may not be the way it really is.
I'm sorry it's not a romantic word and for my strong response. I do not doubt that you are in love with her or that you are trying to do the right thing. But I was taught that sometimes, you need to stop thinking with your head and be 100% rational.
The only thing we are taught by the gospel to take a leap of faith in is in God and our saviour.
In buddhism (because I used to be buddhist but still adhere to it's philosophy)
A monk told me in a very difficult life situation something which changed my life:
"You must use wisdom and compassion together, never one on their own"
I personally think you have lots of compassion for her, but you are lacking the wisdom to make a life choice here.
You need to do the most sensible thing, take a BIG bIG step back. Tell her you love her and you will be there for her but you need to reverse a few steps and actually get to know each other.
Let her have the baby, get to know her more IN PERSON. Go to the Phillapines. DON'T let her come to America and stay with you, because high chance is she won't leave if you ask her to (if things don't work out).
You also have to factor in she has NOT been honest to you on two occassions about 2 serious things. 1 she is not a virgin, 2 she is pregnant with someone else's baby. I'm sure she has her reasons for lying and those are the reasons you need to learn for yourself through time, not from her or her sister.
LYING IS A FORM OF MANIPULATION Don't forget that!!
The other good advice I have for you is "you are young, you could choose any young woman from your own country or any cultural background, and even already lds. You could have a fresh healthy relationship with someone who doesn't have someone else's baby, doesn't lie to you doesn't rely on you for US citizenship. Why HER??
If I were you, I would pray about whether God intends me to be with that person. And I would be patient and wait and listen for him.. not to myself and what I WANT.
Considering you have had so many red flags and you DON'T actually know what to do and there is confusion. It's a sign you are not in a good situation at all and you are making a bad decision.
Good luck with everything.
Your words, they Strengthen me. I'm still torn. but I know that I think I need to be objective. and I'm leaning more towards Leaving this situation. I'm still kind of in shock. I'm still hurting. Its just been a lot of Hard relationships for me over the years and this was the first time I felt loved back. kinda sad huh.
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I don't know if I mentioned this. I went in September. The baby is due in April. it was before me. She told me there was someone before me. but I didn't quite understand her in thinking she "HAD BEEN WITH HIM" she wanted to tell me. But didn't know how. atleast on the phone. that is why she had her sister do it. and I think that it was better that her sister told me because I would have probably just hung up on her. Yes, I know I need to think about this. And that is what I'm doing.
Edited for another note,
My membership in the church has not been questioned. I still have the Priesthood.
She has a Book of Mormon, (In Tagalog)
She knows that Religion is important to me and has said she would like me to baptize her. She has been working with missionaries.(assuming my Bishop will let me, him and I have not really gotten along to well).
I agree, the Biodad Has a chance and need to stand up.
I Cried myself to sleep, Last night. probably not something someone of my Statue should be saying out loud. I just couldn't figure it out. But I'm feeling pretty good about my decision I've made so far. I don't run. I made a promise to her, and I intend on keeping it.
Edited again for Ages, 26 For my self 34 for her.
Edited again for my personal feelings. Even after all of this I have forgiven her. My pride hurt, Yes. do I think It can still work, Yes.
Zach Monroe.
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I am going back and forth on this... I don't know what to do. Part of me wants to stand up and be there. part of me wants to walk away. I'm not so sure.. kinda depressed. Thank you Dr. for a cabinet full of Medications to help with that...
FYI: I'm Bipolar, with depression, PTSD. I'm used to dealing with depression. I'm just going through the stages.
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I'm Filipino As well, Although only an 1/8th and she doesn't appear to be a psycho, She does speak English well but not Conversationally. there are times when we don't understand each other. Her aunt is like a second mom to me, and Her sister is an outstanding woman. She asked her sister to tell me about the situation, and her sister and I had about a two hour conversation, I felt broken hearted at first. but now I know how I feel. I grew up never know what it was like to have a real family. I grew up with my grandmother, never having a father figure really. The neighborhood I grew up in is dotted with houses where I am always welcome, because I became like family. I have vowed in my life to make a difference. I may not be this boys father but god be willing I will do the best job I can.
I'm talking to my bishop for advice, I have talked to the missionaries at my ward. And even though I am around the world from her I still constantly have her on my mind. I still believe in her the same way I did. the same way I am. Her sister asked me when we were done with the conversation.... how I felt, I told her I need to think, And she responded to me that no matter my decision there would be no hard feelings. and she reassured me that her sister does have feelings for me.
This hurts. But I'm happy for her. and I think I'm happy for me too.
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I know, I know... its a long story. I trust her and her family.. a family that has been like family me for a long time. I'm going to Stand up, And be there.
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Not Mine,
Still Plan on being there
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She was a Virgin. and We have paperwork to prove early pregnancy.
I don't know i will figure it out... I guess.
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I would also agree, But I was her first. this I know...
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My life has been rather Chaotic, to say the least lately. As I posted earlier, I was in Paris for 16 days where I fell in Love, Yes I said it Love, there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about her. I proposed to her. We talk daily. I stay up late to talk to her. due to the time difference.
I'm Learning her Native Language so I can communicate easier. I sent her a Tagalog BOM, and gave her the address of Several wards within a few kilometers of her apartment. Although I had to Explain who Nephi Was... (that was an interesting conversation)the other day she left an URGENT message on my Voice mail... so I called her, She's Pregnant, Yes its mine, Yes I broke the law of Chastity. Yes I'm trying to get a hold of my bishop, no answer And my tithing checks have not been cashed so I'm assuming he is out of town. I don't know Why exactly I'm writing this Message here on this message board.
I Feel guilty because I have been walking away from the church as of late. I've told the missionaries that I don't want any more classes, until I figure all of this out. I'm so happy about the situation, I finally have what I have wanted for a long time, A family. Well soon anyway.
Maybe I'm crazy, She started talking baby names yesterday and told me we were going to have a Zach Jr if its a boy, and I get to come up with names for a girl... So far, I have several,
Kaori = Strong in Japanese
Annora = With Honor
Kiada = Little Dragon (my kid will definitely be a little dragon)
Saya
Mayu
Kristen (a girl I have known since Elementary school Who actually helped bring me to the Church)
Elisa
Joanne (Joan of Arc was an obsession of mine.)
I don't know I guess this is just a random post.
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I Think I know what you are saying, as I am a brother who has been struggling with my faith, and my life. (Mental Illness) I have only been a member of the church since May 30th. of this year, and since I was in Paris and even here, I am having trouble with Paying my tithe, following the Words of Wisdom, the law of Chastity and other things. Two nights ago, I kneeled down and Prayed, until I felt the way I felt when I first held the Book of Mormon, and I feel as though I'm working to get back on track.
I realized I had been using an Excuse to break the rules. actually two of them... "hey I'm new I forgot about it" and "thats What Sacrament is for."
I have thought about leaving the Church but nothing I have ever seen or felt equals what I feel when I'm helping with my calling (which is not often with my work schedule)
I don't know if I wrote this huge thing for nothing but I hope maybe I helped somehow.
Zach
Semper Fidelis.
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No answers from anyone here is going to change your mind about anything.
BUT................. if this is meant to be..................... If this is a good thing and HEavenly Father wants this for you...............If you love her and she loves you, why rush anything?
You just got out of a bad relationship and you owe it to both of you to wait to make sure this isn't a rebound thing. LEt her take the discussions. LEt her go to church a while and develop her own testimony. By then you will have leveled out from the past and have a better head on your shoulders. If you want to baptize her, then do it, but you will need to be good so you will be a good example for her and to respect her new cleanness!
also, be very careful seeing everything as a SIGN.
Absolutely, I agree. And I'm thinking about it everyday. People who really know me... say that since I came home, I'm a completely different person. its kinda amazing what has happened to me... I actually see a future with her. I see a family with her. I've never seen that before. its pretty cool actually.
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Well, As a Philipino myself, I Just know. It something down deep... Yeah TNT
She is the Neice of A Very Close friend Ellen.... we got to the point were we were staying together in her apartment, and now I can't sleep with out her.. its said.
I'm even learning Tagalog
Ingat Ka.
I'm in the Jean Jacket. And she is on me left
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I had always worn my hemlines about 3 inches below my knee. When the hemlines raised, I begged my Mom to raise mine. She agreed to do so with just one skirt.
I nearly froze my tush off- this was in the winter in Seattle.
Yet, Schools Like Kennedy, Highline, Tyee, Evergreen, And Mt. Rainier are all Equipped with Outdoor Hallways. I was A Guy fully Dressed with a Trenchcoat on and I froze my Tush off... Class of '01 PIRATES!! Hmm...
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As some of you know I just got done with a pretty bad relationship that ended in June of this year, and then the breakup stretched all the way through to September when I finally got all of my stuff back from her, and in September I left for Paris, France. I was there for Sixteen Days, I went with close friends, who I think kinda wanted to set me up with there Niece. Well it worked. I prayed every night while I was there if This is what god wanted for me, And I kept getting closer and closer to her. Her Name is Angelica she is 34, From the Philippines and currently living in France. After the 7th Day I knew I loved her. on the Eighth day I bought her an Engagement ring, Again after Thoughtful prayer, and when I proposed not even knowing her Ring Size We got it right with a Diamond Ring off the shelf. I wont say that I acted as a perfect Mormon while I was there I did make a few transgressions, but I feel as though I was lead this way. When I told her about the Church and how important it was to me she wanted to learn more, and go to church with me. We didn't go because I don't know a word of French and I didn't want to end up in the meetings were I couldn't understand anything. but she told me That if it was important to me that she would Consider Joining the Church, -- Flash forward a couple of days and I'm home... and some of my friends start to put doubt in my mind, about weather or not she is coming here for the visa. I think about the Events of the last couple of weeks and I go there are two many things that went right during the trip. I went to the Deseret books, and picked up an Ensign, and if any of you have seen it the last page of this months is the Manilla Temple in the Philippines. (as soon as I saw that I knew that this was right because then we could go there to be sealed near her home town.) I've ordered her a BOM in Tagalog (her Native Language) and it should be here someday. and then I had the missionaries come over and I talked with them for a while... and I was made aware that I could baptize her. so I figure if she likes the church and wants to be baptized then I will do it...
Anyways
If any of you have not fallen asleep yet. we were debating on the phone the other day if I should go to France, to live- or if we should go to the Philippines, or If she should come here. And Currently the winner is here..
is there anyone who has any law experience/Visa knowledge/Brains cause I'm not sure if I got everything I need to file this stuff and I need help.
I'm trying... but I rode the Short bus...
Thanks Zach
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Yeah the only bad thing is I'll catch a couple of episodes of Ranma, and the go see my dad... And he knows I like Ranma so he does the voices.
Advice needed. On getting back on the horse.
in Advice Board
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Thanks, Now its just a matter of waking up in time...