You know what I say about this? "Once a Mormon ALWAYS A Mormon!" It doesn't matter how long you been away of the church, what really matters is that you're taking the initiative to go back. You are LDS no matter how many years pass by or how what "bad" things you do while you're away. Heavenly Father just wants you to use your free agency and head back to his house. And believe me, he will have a message customized just for how you're feeling and what you're going through. You will feel peace in your heart and that message during sacrament will be meant for you. It has happened to me.
I've been out for almost 1 year (and change) but I finally had the strength to go back this past Sunday. My husband, after 12 years of marriage, has bailed on his family and is asking for a divorce. I don't think you could ever imagine the devastation I've lived during this past month in my heart. Even though I knew I had to find Heavenly Father-prayers simply did not feel like enough- I was scared about the act of "going back." You know, you don't want people to wonder why you were gone or why were you back. I felt ashamed of being away for so long; for leaving my calling as a librarian and for now being a member who is going through divorce, but I did the only thing that would make me feel some sense of peace in my heart, I prayed the night before.
In my prayers, I asked for strength to face whatever came my way (and for the strength not to cry). Well, I went there that morning and during sacrament, one of the speakers was talking about finding strength during rough times, which was exactly what I needed. It was weird, for I felt as if she had been called there that morning to talk specifically to me. It felt as if she knew the pain I felt in my heart and the feelings of abandonment I was facing every hour of every day. She spoke to me and incidentally enough, she even-for some strange reason- kept centering her words in my direction.
So, I felt better and most importantly, I did not cry. My bishop came to talk to me and I felt even better. People came up to me telling me how much they had missed me, etc.
Listen, I don't know how my life is going to be in the future. Trying to cope with just the emotional part of my husband giving up in his family has hit me hard, but there's one thing I know for sure. I know that Heavenly Father received me with open arms this past Sunday Morning, to the point that I could hear him talk to me and saying, " Welcome back my child."
I haven't said this in a long time- offer my testimony- but I will share it with you here. Listen, I know this church is true. I know that the Book of Mormon is true also- don't ever find that phrase cliche because it isn't. It really is true and the most powerful book I know. I also know that life itself is hard and harsh for some of us, but rest assure that when Heavenly Father puts you out there He is certain that even during the harshest times, you will always know in your heart- even if you murmur against him like I've done- that you know He loves you. He knows this and accepts you with open arms each and every time you decide to go back because he would never give you or send anything your way that you won't be able to handle.
So my sincere advice is for you to give yourself a hug for making this move- the best move you've done in months. I commend you, my friend and hope that you never forget that you're LDS no matter what. Don't ever let anyone let you question your faith or judge for being inactive. Only Heavenly Father can do that but even He with all his power would never ever do that to you.
Stay strong...you're not the only one.
