SGT_C

how did you know i bite my knuckles and wait for answers? lol i have tried the e-mail thing but it doesnt really change anything, i have to ask if she got it, then wind up asking the same things over again. im trying to understand her side of it, i mean she is "alone" this year as i am

Yes I probably do come across as defensive. Or many other things for that matter, I am just frantic over the pave that things are moving at, on top of which i still have a job to do here, I have soldiers going through a divorce, getting demoted, so my plate is really really full. I try to ask her questions as tactfully as i can but somehow I always screw it up, its as if im only human or something :)

LOL You know Hordak, today i had the devious idea to re-enlist for someplace whacky and call it a "personal decision" but I thought better of it, but it sure was a fun thought for a sec. I am active duty, I will try to find out if she is in a military ward but she will doubtlessly be very suspicious if i even ask that. unfortunately she doesnt have many friends as neither of us are the most social of creatures

I feel that this is the right place to talk about it, honestly, and with people who will understand. She however is furious that I am getting advice from "strangers" and cross checking info she gives me. Maybe Im a jerk for that but I never accept just one source of information, I try to gather as many different viewpoints as possible, sort of a sanity check on myself

Yes Vanhin, you have a valid point. This is all just so much to take in in such a short amount of time and in this environment. I kind of feel like I am being left behind in all this and just filled in as things happen, past tense.

Thanks for the message Prodigal_Son, I'm kinda going nuts over here, I'm going to go talk to my platoon sergeant and get tomorrow off to just sit and reflect in private. We have 0 privacy here, I have 2 roomates even though i am a Non Commisioned officer, I need to just be alone and sort this out I think for a day.

Ok heres my latest update. Last sunday I did find and attend a LDS service, it was small, just myself, 2 officers, and some civilians. It was ok, I hung around and asked some questions afterward. I have come to terms with alot of things recently, I have accepted my wife's decision and I support her in it. I even got some reading material to better help me understand, i have the book of Mormon and also Gospel Principals. Tonight i was talking to my wife and she said she had a question for me. I told her ok, and i would answer it honestly. She asked me if a year down the road, if she was encouraged to attend temple prep classes and get her endowment and garments, how I was going to feel about it. To be honest this hit me like a ton of bricks. I mean I have digested alot in a very short period of time, along with the stress of being in a combat zone ducking incoming rockets on a regular basis. In my opinion, things are moving waaaaaay too quickly. So far we have gone from "just church on sundays" to the relief society, elders in my house, and now questions on garments. I dont mean to offend anyone but I can see me having a real hard time adjusting to garments. I think at least initially, I will feel like im sleeping with someone who is wearing a nun's outfit, I mean at this point we may as well take out the matress and replace it with a big block of ice. Well Hopefully I can adjust to things, but it will take me time. As I have said, I have digested ALOT in a small amount of time, and if anyone has read my previous posts in this thread, none of this was discussed with me. I dont know what to do here, I have tried to talk to her but she is very hard headed and feels this is what she needs to do for herself personally. I can respect that but it is still very hurtful that I was left out of not so much the decision, because that is hers to make, but the thought process that lead up to it. I have expressed my concerns with her but she has this tendency to get very cold and tell me that its her decision and I have nothing to do with it. She seems to forget the fact that I am in a combat zone, worried to death, things are progressing too fast for me. I asked her a few pointed questions that I have been wondering about, such as "Did it bother you to accept the fact that we can never be sealed to the afterlife together?" Apparently it didnt affect her at all, which, well I cant even put to words how that makes one feel. I love her with all my heart and soul but I am beginning to feel overwhelmed with all of this, its moving too fast. I was making great progress to understanding and accepting but I took a major step backwards tonight.

I am not a church member, but I am a soldier currently in Iraq, I think i can shed some light on why people can very easily miss clues that something is amiss in a soldier's life. The Military "says" that if you are having problems, you should seek counselling, talk to a chaplain, etc. But the truth of the matter is, The soldier will be shunned by his peers and chain of command for doing so. Many soldiers who do seek help often wind up pulled from deployments and feel as though they let thier "battle-buddies" down. This is not always the case, there are good leaders and bad. But it is far more common than one might think. The effect that this has is it teaches soldiers how to bottle things up, to hide them, and to hide them very very well. So well in fact that many people close to the soldier will not even have a clue that something is wrong. Dont knock yourself for missing the clues, he has very likely had alot of practice at hiding his feelings and pain. I hope things work out for you and your family.

Hey Talisyn, you hit the nail right on the head with that. One thing i noticed is that thoughts tend to get out of control, especially when you cant contact when you need to. With our time differences, she is going to bed when I am waking up, we have a little time to talk when I get off work, which is when she is waking up. But when I have all day to just stew over things, some crazy things happen. Its something I am working on curbing but its extremely difficult to say the least.

I agree with that Prodigal son, theres a reason we have 2 ears and only 1 mouth :)

Hey all, I wanna say thanks again, you have all been awesome, and im quickly wrapping my head around alot of different things. One thing that keeps jumping to the front of my mind, and i believe this to be my core issue at this point is this: my beloved wife, in her strong headed way, one of many many things i actually love about her, made this decision without discussing it with me first. I know she was probably leary of my reaction, and with good cause. Plus she felt that it was something she personally had to do, and i can respect that. Im not insinuating that she should have asked my PERMISSION in any way, i dont believe that she should if she feels strongly about something. My issue is that i feel that there should have been an open discussion involving any family altering decisions that are made by either party. What do you think about this? And more importantly im looking for advice on how to approach this issue with her without seeming confrontational, causing her to jump to the defensive or any of that. I want to move forward and support her but i feel that this has to be addressed in order for me to feel like an equal. I dont want to throw words verbatim from Family: A proclomation to the world at her, but technicly she violated the spirit of it in my eyes. Anyway I'm rambling again, its late, its Iraq, blah blah :) any thoughts would be appreciated on this. Im going to wait a few days to address it with her to make sure i approach it carefully and properly, with respect yet also letting her in on how it hurt me.

In addition to what i just said, gaming addiction is a very serious thing, i have a few friends who take things way too seriously. Theres a feature in WOW that you can find out exactly how much time you have spent there by typing /played. Over a one year period one of my friends logged over 175 days, thats insane. I have also heard of other accounts of a woman who's husband was so addicted, she invited another guy over, sat on the couch kissing him for 30 minutes before her husband even turned around and noticed. Theres also the issue of people spending real money on in-game money and characters. You can look on E-bay and see that well geared high level WOW characters can sell for upwards of $1,000.

i have played World of Warcraft for about 2.5 years now, it can become a serious time-sink if you let it, it did for me at one time. But on the positive side, i met my wife there so thank you very much blizzard entertainment! I still play alot here in iraq, because i really dont have alot to do and i have read so many books since i have been here im all "read-out", but when i get back to the states its definately going to take a far back seat to the family and my guitar playing.

Hi to all who helped me, i used to be Scared_Husband but im not really that scared any more so i made a new acct. I will be aorund gathering info and picking brains for osme time, thanks to all who have helped, i really mean it