bmwm5racer00
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Posts posted by bmwm5racer00
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My cousin who I have been really close with since we were little kids blew his head off with a shotgun this morning. He was never depressed and it comes as a complete shock. I felt like I should have called him a couple weeks ago and I tried but couldnt get a hold of him. I dont even know what to do. I have never been more upset about anything in my life.
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I like the youtube videos Idea that would be fun! I really want a 9-5 because I am very serious about working out. My goal is to start doing ultramarathons so all my time when not working is used to workout. I am a member I was thinking about calling my bishop but am hesitant because every time I go back to church I feel like people try to manipulate me.
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I understand but god is helping me change
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Every one said I couldnt quit on my own either. I know I will have to fight the urges for a while and I am but I have been to the point before where there are no urges just bad influences. I know now exactly how to recognize them and what to do.
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I just got back to denver and have looked in the sunday paper and craigslist with no luck. This economy is bad! I really need to find a way to make some money because my car is broken and I cant afford to fix it and I owe my parents money and have bills every month. I was hoping to get some fresh ideas talking to people.
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I posted up here asking for help with heroin a while ago. It was my second time kicking it cold turkey and even though I didnt let it get even half as bad as the first time it was extremely hard because my spirit was broken. I kicked it pretty much 3 months ago with a few hiccups in between but am proud to say im making an amazing recovery. I still withdraw a little bit but I think I really learned the lesson this time. It has made me very strong and I will never fall back into it again. Now im just working on my future and fixing the damage I did to my finances and body. Ive been going to the gym a lot. anyways I just wanted to say thank you I think that some people prayed for me here because I couldnt have done it alone and the quickness of the recovery I am making is unheard of.
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Thanks for the replies. I did finally confess to my parents as they were oblivious and they were shocked but willing to help now. When I went to rehab I was forced into it and didnt have any choices. It was kind of like a brat camp so I cleaned up but didnt really learn from it. I feel like I understand now and have to get clean again and not even associate with old friends. When I was clean after being addicted it was the same as they taught in school just say no but curiousness got the better of me. I have been a slow learner in this instance just like everything else but I think it will really stick this time. I got some meds to detox from the doctor and am now going to try to move to the east coast for a job where I will be around church people so I can stay away for a while. Then when I do come back I will know not to let myself fall in that hole again. I have been praying a lot for a change and for the lesson to stick this time.
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I am trying my hardest to quit heroin. Sometimes I am strong and other times I think my way into lying to myself again. I went through a rehab program 5 years ago that my parents paid for and got clean for a year until I spiraled down again. Now because of my mistakes I am 4 years out of high school, living at home with nothing. I feel so guilty and belittled by my entire family. This addiction has swallowed me up. I havnt had any friends in a few years. I have no money. Its like every day is ground hog day I wake up and tell my self I have to quit it has ruined me and by lunch time I am scrambling for change to just get enough to be happy for a few hours. I am sitting here again for the thousandth time in an endless night of withdrawal. The lack of anyone to talk to is killing me. I dont have it that bad compared to a lot of the other stories here but cant even fathom living another 50 years. It also scares me because I feel sometimes like I have lost touch with reality. I sit for hours and day dream about how I could rob someone to get money but I will never do it because it conflicts with my conscience. I am not even as close to as bad as I used to be but am getting weaker and weaker. It blows my mind that the drug comes before I even feed myself. I have lost twenty pounds and puke every day. I have absolutely no happiness and the only way out is to go through hell. Please pray for me this is awful.
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hey so I guess il update. I hate coming back and reading what I typed. It makes me feel weak. I am doing a lot better now but still having a hard time. I managed to stay clean the last 4 days and even went to the gym today and worked out for 2 hours. It felt ok I am out of shape again. The reason I want to do the army is because I have dreamed since age 13 of just kicking major ass in the military. I will do it whether I go on a mission or not. The reason I thought about doing a mission is because I know god helped me stop the first time and I was an idiot for forgetting and going back to my old friends later even though I was depressed with my broken hand. So I know god is helping me again now as I have been asking a lot for it. I made a new friend yesterday. We hung out all day and had a pretty good time. I also got a call for a job that I applied for so I am hoping I will get hired. Its still really hard but I am pretty confident this second time around. I havent slipped near as far as I did the first time and I think the lesson will stick. I noticed today after working out that I started to get excited about making money again and actually going after goals which has been something I have not experienced in a while. Anyways I think that I was introduced to this for a reason because it broke me down and made me humble. It has tested me to the core and opened up my mind to god. I refuse to let this ruin my life, its an awful existence and I have a list of things I want to achieve.
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People that hate bmw drivers. It is called the ultimate driving machine for a reason... because they perform really well on the road. Dont hate me because I just out drove you on the road. And no I am not one of those people that cuts everyone off only to slow down and turn right at the last minute. And the left lane is for passing not for driving exactly the speed limit alongside another car blocking the entire road. Some times people are in a hurry for a real reason like I need to take my dad to the hospital get off the road if I have to pass you on the right!
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Try going to the gym. You will make new friends and I find it is one of the only times I am ever at peace. It is a healthy enjoyable thing to do and really releases a lot of stress and pushes out bad, negative feelings. It is a natural high and makes you feel great once you get into a good rythm. It is hard to get started but just do a little bit every day and you will have more positive natural energy than you probably have had in a long time. I used just this one hobby to completely quit cigarettes and heroin for 9 months it was amazing until I broke my hand and fell backwards again losing everything that had held me together. I am currently in the process of starting over again but I have made countless friends and huge strides in life just focusing on this one activity. Give it a shot!
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Hi everyone my name is colton and I had been an inactive member of the church the last 5 years and am just getting back in recently. I am posting in the hopes that I will get some encouragement and advice. I hope nobody I know in real life will see this as it will really make me look bad. But any ways here is my dilemma.....
I started out as a dumb teen partying and breaking rules etc. etc. Well it led me into a hell hole of heroin addiction over the last year and a half. I was 15 thousand dollars in credit card debt at 21 yrs old and seriously contemplating suicide with no friends, no money and living on the street. One night I managed to get my hands on a shotgun and loaded it and put it in my mouth ready to fire. Before I was going to pull the trigger I prayed to god and begged him for help if he was there. He answered my prayer and I felt the spirit come over me. Over the next few weeks I quit cold turkey and was in extreme pain and sickness until I wound up finding a job in Houston, Texas ( I am from Denver, Colorado). I moved to Houston after 2 months of being clean and began my new job and withdrew for a total of 7 months. It was the worst thing that happened to me ever but it shattered my reality and any premonitions I previously had. I am now a god fearing man. Well I broke my hand doing something dumb, swinging from a tree into a lake in Texas and had to leave my job and move back in with my parents which brings me to now 6 months later. Well the pain pills I took reignited my addictive nature and before I knew it I found myself back out on the streets looking to score. I went to my bishop and asked for help and he has recommended me go to 12 step and counseling. The way I asked for help is I told him I want to go on a mission to change my life I really do. I saw my younger brother go and it was amazing to see how happy he was. I disclosed everything I had done to my bishop, even robbing houses to support my habit and he gave me a time frame of 5 more months until I can go on my mission. I have made reconciliation with all the people I robbed and most of the things I have done. I just recently have been falling back into this awful addiction. So we come down to today, over the last few weeks I had realized I am too screwed up to serve a mission and went to enlist in the army. Well my bishop and stake president and parents have been really pressuring me and trying to help me so that I will be able to go in 5 months. I feel so torn by this I want to go but I absolutely cannot stick around here another 5 months doing nothing. I will fall completely back into my awful addictions, I have been giving it my best effort to clean up enough to get on some sort of a job whether it be mission or the army, whatever then I can improve from there and be away from any temptations. Well I was going over to the army office to get sworn in today when the bishop randomly called me in and asked me to go to his work place. I went in and he asked me not to make any big decisions and said we were going to work hard on getting me on a mission. Well I really felt like this might be a sign from god so I canceled my enlistment to wait it out and I guess go on a mission. I am just looking for advice, sorry for the long read I just feel torn up inside. I have been praying for help a lot but have not gotten any peace or direction. I dont know what to do.
Even talking to the bishop and stake president I dont feel like they understand me, what I have been through and the extreme amount of pain that life is for me right now falling backwards again with absolutely no friends, no job, no money and my parents driving me nuts. I wake up every morning wishing I hadnt.
I am at a complete loss
in Prayers and Testimonies
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He was a member but inactive. I am just hoping the mormon beliefs are right and hes in a happy place and I will see him again when I die. I cant bear the thought that he no longer exhists or hes burning in hell.