Sorry but this is going to be a long thread...
To start off my immediate family is lds except for my mother. Growing up my dad tried his best to keep all three of his children active in the church, however it was a tough task. Neither I nor my younger sister wanted to go, and my older brother was the only one who occasionally attended church. My mother told all three of us to attend church, but it was never forced upon us by her. I was never really truly active in church until I moved away to college with my best friend (who is a very active member, and a good person). After moving away from home I have never felt the spirit so strongly, I attended church everyweek including fhe, ward prayer, and activities, I began to excel in school, I had started reading my scriptures daily, received wonderful callings in the church, and all together my heart was soo full. When I would move home for the summer I would attend church with my dad and brother (who is an active member), and occasionally my younger sister would join us. However, at home I did not feel the spirit so strong. My mother and I have never really gotten along because we have different interests, values and opinions. I also feel that she is controlling, and one of the major reasons why our family is not as strong as they could be in the church. My mother is catholic and immigrated here from an asian country. She strongly believe that money is what brings happiness. She has always told me to marry not only someone white and tall but someone who especially has money. But she tells my older brother she does not want him to marry a white woman because she will not be a good housewife, she wants him to marry someone of our ethnicity. Now I understand that she does not want me to live a paycheck to paycheck life, she has her best interests for me. She feels that money is the only way I will be happy.
Growing up she spoiled her children, including me. And I feel that buying us things is the only way she shows her love for us. She buys expensive decor and house alterations to impress family or friends that come over. She also, buys us brandname clothes and gadgets along with telling ushow to fix our appearances too look our best (in her eyes). And if we decline these things she will honestly get mad and call us ungrateful and talk about how she works so hard and buys us so many things etc....its not a pretty argument anyone in the family wants to get into with her. So yes she pretty much runs the house, I have talked to my dad and he is very passive and does not want to cause arguments with her. So I feel like I am having this battle with her on my own. She doesn't respect our values in the church such as modesty and tithing. She will buy me and my sister immodest clothes, which I will always put a jacket over or wear leggings and get away with it...however some comments from her do occur. My sister on the other hand must wear what my mom picks out for her. and they usualy consist of spaghetti straps and short shorts especially in the summer. She will also make her wear short skirts to church and say it is ok. when it comes to tithing she will tell my dad to only give them 10-20 dollars because 10% of the paycheck she finds is outrageous.
At college I slowly saw my family swaying away from the church and succumbing to my moms wishes and not what makes them happy. So I thought maybe I should move home and help my family. I prayed and prayed about it and finally got the answer to move home and help my family. I definitely didnt want to move home but god told me to and so i put all my trust in him. At this point I have been home for 2 months now and I'm trying to stay strong but my mom just wont let up.
After all I have told you how can I help my mom? I don't know how or what to do to help my family. How can I let her know that money will not bring eternal happiness? How can I have her understand that this church as standards that her family has to respect? How can I help her understand that we need her to be there for us as a mother who will raise our self esteem and have us be good people, not worldly people?
I have tried telling her how I feel, I have also tried getting my dad to help me, I also know that she read my journal so I write specific entries for her. However, she seems to feel that she is always right.
Any advice on how to help my mom or family is welcome, but this is a sensitive topic so please be nice. If there is something that I am just not seeing, that only a mother or parent can see please tell me. I also just want to get a better perspective of where she is coming from.
