This is difficult for me to share, but I'd like your advice.
I've been married for a short time now. First some background: I've only dated a couple girls (one I married and the other I only dated twice, not long enough to get to know).
I have severe worry/anxiety/fear every day that affects me emotionally and physically. I feel like I go crazy every day as I can't concentrate at work and I don't feel like doing things I like (hobbies, etc).
I went to LDS Counseling Services and I talked about the girl I was dating (and now married). He said there are like 3 things required for a marriage to work. I can't remember really, but it was something like the ability to talk about anything, commitment, and passion. I only mentioned her for a moment but he thought maybe there wasn't passion in my relationship.
I've always thought she has the best personality of anyone, and she's cute. I think her personality is what attracted me to her. The first girl I dated I was very attracted to physically, but I didn't get to know her. My wife isn't a model, but I think I felt like the first girl was. I've only been really attracted to about 3 girls ever, where I've thought they were very good looking. The rest didn't really do much for me, so I thought maybe it was me and I should get to know them and not base it just off looks (and lower my "looks" standard I guess). I think my wife is cute but don't feel that strong attraction physically. If I had to guess I think she does toward me.
Back when we were dating, I would go back and forth a lot. I would get the advice of a close friend and my parents. They told me nobody is perfect. I prayed about it extensively and even talked to my bishop. I still wasn't totally sure, and with the pursuasion of my close friend/parents I decided to marry her. I thought once I had decided this, then I could be happy and not have the worry/anxiety/etc.
Now I still go back and forth, and it's the worst feeling. I'll look at a picture of her and be turned off, then I'll start to move toward thinking this isn't right. I'll have thoughts of leaving her. Then later I'll spend time with her not focusing on looks and be very happy to be with her. So then I try to tell myself to just concentrate on that during the other times when I lose it, but it never works.
Someone asked me once which one of us do I think our kids would look like. My first instinct thought was I hope it's not some of the features I don't like about her. Another time I was feeling horrible because of the related thoughts I have, and I was trying to think when I was the most happy. Then the first instinctive thought I had was when I was on a date with the first girl, I was extremely happy after the date. I couldn't believe I was thinking that and not when I was getting married to my wife.
She is completely happy with me in every aspect and I wish I could be the same for her. I do have to say that I'm a perfectionist and very picky. I've thought sometimes that maybe I'm not meant to be with anyone. I'm also worried that I'll have this pain/etc. for eternity, or if we have a family and some day I just can't take it anymore. But then the thought of leaving her isn't what I want because she is such a great girl and wife.
I read from one of the leaders said that any rightous girl will work out in marriage if both are willing to put forth the effort. I would think that marriage would be sort of sad if it's more like effort putting toward a job than loving/attracted to someone.
I guess my biggest concern is that I don't have strong enough feelings for her, or that I think of her as a cute friend because I don't feel the physical attraction like I did toward another girl.
With all of these thoughts going through my mind constantly, I find myself wondering if I truly do love her. I think maybe I'd be better off separating and finding someone I do feel happy with all the time and the attraction is there, and if I don't because I'm too much of a perfectionist then I guess that's the way I am. It feels like I'm doomed no matter what I choose.
After several months and this isn't getting better for me, I'm not sure what to do. I've prayed a lot. She is ready to have kids and I just see the possibility of something not going well. I don't know why I can't just be happy. Does anyone have any advice?
