Angel_eyes1980

Hi I am not sure if I can say something here.. if it is wrong please feel free to delete this. My friend who I needed the advice for, is one of the nicest loveliest people I have ever met, she spent nearly ten years trying for a family and was eventually blessed with twins, that she conceived with medical help. She is not rich and had a modest home, but she donated her time and craft skills to help those less fortunate. She had forgiven her husband for his indiscretions, the full extent of them were not known to her. She never ever knew that there was a child involved. And 16 years later she finds out her husband was not entirely truthful and her whole world has fallen apart. And she feels like she is the one being punished for something she never knew about. If you could see my beautiful friend who used to light up the room with her presence, her kindness and generousity of spirit today, you wouldn't have to ask the question why is pre-marital sex wrong. Her whole spirit is so crushed. And she feels like she has been lied to for 16 years. But God is not a vending machine... he doesn't give you this because you have done that. If that were true my friend wouldn't have to go through this horrible pain. How would you feel if your future husband admitted to you 16 years after the event that he might have a child by another woman that he has never seen or made any attempt to see, and then blamed it on you and your church? It is so tragic and could so easily been avoided...

Thank you so much to every one that took the time to reply to me. I was a bit nervous posting here when I am not a member of the church. Thank you Anatess for the link you provided, I will show her that later this evening. Last night was a bit awful her husband came over with his father and some other men, I believe they were members of the church but I am not sure. But things did not go well, and eventually her husband's father told him to leave. I think her husband has not been entirely truthful about how far this all went. I mean she knew he had been involved with another person, but not that there the possibility of a child. Her husband is very angry and keeps throwing it back at her saying things like ... " the bishop told me to have no further contact what was I supposed to do?" it was a very upsetting evening for her. I mean not sure if I believe her husband because in my experience no Bishop in any church would counsel that he ignore the possibility of a child. So I am finding it quite hard to maintain a civil relationship with him. I know that is my issue and I am trying very hard to not let my feelings towards him become a problem. Her husband's father and the others stayed for about another 45mins and she seemed calmer and slightly more at peace when they left. Unfortunately there are children involved she has twins young children not babies. And they seem to be Ok with staying with me, its not a new thing for them, they stay on average at least once a month, not because of conflict but because we have been friends for a very long time. Before leaving her husband father asked if was possible for other members to visit her and support her, of course I said that was fine. And that they are welcome anytime. But even he was shocked at how much weight she has lost, and the pain she is feeling is so visible and you can almost feel it if that makes sense. But thank you so much for all your helpful advice.

Hi and thank you for replying to me. I don't think I explained myself very well in the initial post.. I apologise for that. I am trying to be very careful about what I say, because I don't know if any of my friend's church members might be reading this. I would stay out of it but at the moment my friend is staying in my spare room and refusing to communicate with her husband after he admitted that he knew the girl in question was pregnant, but he said she had told him she was getting an abortion and so he never bothered finding out if there was a child. He also refuses to ask the woman because he says it is not for him to ask - she should have told him. My friend feels totally betrayed by all of this.. especially her husband's hard uncaring attitude. This is why she is staying with me. Which is far from an ideal situation not because I do not want her, but because I feel a bit helpless. I thought about getting my priest round to chat with her, but I did not know if that would be appropriate, but I do not know any other Mormons that I could turn to for asistance. What I would really like is someone to suggest some scriptures from the Book of Mormon or any of your church related materials that will help her spiritually. I do not know the Book of Mormon and so I do not know which would be appropriate. I am sorry I am being so vague, it is just a difficult situation.

Hi My name is Debra.. and I am not a LDS member although my friend is.. and she is having a really tough time right now and I am not sure how best to advise her or help her. I found your forum via google and thought you could possibly give me some advice on how best to handle this situation or at least help her through it. As I said both her and her husband are LDS members, very nice people. But 16 yrs ago he made a stupid mistake, he repented and she forgave him they got married and had a beautiful family. Live was good for her, it was tough at times like everyone's lives are but then the bomb hit. They have a facebook account and via that they found out that the girl in question did it would appear have a child 15yrs ago. There is no date of birth listed for the child but the child looks to be about the right age. Now my friend is driving herself mad, with unanswered questions. She is blaming her husband for not finding out whether there was a child, and she is just going through hell really she is also scared that the woman as she is now might track them down via facebook and instigate CSA proceedings against them. She says the only reason that the woman might not have done that is because she didn't know where to find them. I did suggest that she contact the woman in question explain her fears and see what the other woman has to say. After all my friend has done nothing wrong, and I don't think any one would mind that. So my friend did, and the response she got was, "I don't have to explain anything to you or your husband, I certainly have no intention of telling you who my child's father is... that is something your husband should have worried about 16yrs ago instead of hiding behind his bishop and his church and leaving others to do his dirty work. I couldn't care less how you feel or your husband feels and the only reason you are contacting me now is you are scared that I will start CSA proceedings against you and your husband will have 15yrs of back payments to pay. Now go away" But she ( my friend) is in awful turmoil. She is losing weight and can't sleep for fear of CSA paperwork dropping through the door. Any advice would be gratefully received as I do not know what to suggest

Hi I'm Debra and found the forum via google.. looking forward to chatting with everyone..